


Reliability

by Aviantei



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Canon/OC - Freeform, F/M, I'm bad at tagging okay, Past Abuse, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2020-12-28 17:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 56,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviantei/pseuds/Aviantei
Summary: "I kind of wanted to be a new me. That's why I decided to move away from home." But moving doesn't mean Megumi will ever change, and the things she's trying to leave behind won't disappear, either. Still, a collision with Rakuzan's basketball captain might at least make her somewhat...reliable. [AkashixOC]





	1. 1—Stairwell

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction was originally posted on fanfiction.net on June 8, 2015, and it is still ongoing. I don't know what else to say about its creation. I love Akashi, and I love Rakuzan. Once I got together a couple of ideas for Megumi's background, I basically went for it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

1—Stairwell

* * *

_The sky, at that time, was a certain shade of blue._

* * *

Megumi took a deep breath before she opened up the door. Peeking around its edges, the girl was able to determine that the rooftop was empty, something she was infinitely thankful for. Unlike her middle school, the rooftop at Rakuzan was usually abandoned during lunchtime, making it the perfect place to disappear to. Going to the school store just because there hadn’t been food to make dinner and lunch at home was about as much adventure as Megumi could handle for the day.

She closed the door behind her, not for the first time wishing she had access to the key. Even though nobody seemed to ever come up to the roof, that didn’t mean someone else wouldn’t try it on a whim. Just the thought of having to strike up casual conversation with a stranger was enough to make Megumi feel nauseous. Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, Megumi walked to the opposite end of the roof and sat down, resting her back against the fence.

She didn’t know what she had picked for lunch; she had just scraped up something, gave the woman at the register her yen, and left as soon as possible. Megumi ate on autopilot, her neck slowly craning back to look up. The food tasted good for lunchroom fare—as expected of Rakuzan’s reputation—but that was irrelevant. The sky was clear of any clouds, an inverse ocean resting above the rooftop. Megumi stopped midway in taking a drink, lowering the carton back down to the ground at her side.

“Hey.”

There was no answer. A few other students called out to each other in the courtyard below, but none of it was meant for Megumi. She could tell she wasn’t smiling, and tried her best to even out the frown that was steadily forming on her features. It didn’t work, and Megumi abandoned the activity in favor of continuing to speak.

“You know, I’m really starting to wonder if this whole thing is even worth it,” she said, a heavy sigh following her words. “I keep trying to get out there and try new things, but I choke up way too easily. I mean, I can’t even talk to other people. Right now’s the only time when I can even say anything about myself and even then…”

Megumi looked down for a minute, taking a small bite from what was left of her sandwich. She chewed slowly, taking a thoroughness with her energy intake that was completely unnecessary. Swallowing, she looked back up.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe I am trying to go too hard too fast.” She took a sip from her drink, the liquid working its way through the provided straw. “It’s really okay if I don’t end up with friends this quickly. The fact that I’m even trying is worth something, right? I just gotta keep trying and eventually I’ll end up better…that’s gotta be it…”

When it came down to it, Megumi’s tone was less than convincing. She knew that, and if she had actually been talking to another person, they would have known it, too. As it was, there was no one to call her out on her bluff except herself, and the girl couldn’t work up the courage to say it. The one-sided rooftop conversation concluded at the same dead-end as always.

_“Kaizuto Megumi, please report to the guidance counselor’s office. Again, Kaizuto Megumi…”_

The girl in question let out a long sigh after finishing off her juice box. It had seemed that today the rooftop had the extra advantage of letting her avoid any stares or whispers she would have gotten in the classroom due to the announcement over the PA system.

“Guidance counselor, what’s that about?” she asked, staring at the clouds. After a moment of silence, she let out another sigh. Megumi crumbled up the remains of her lunch and shoved it into the bag the school store employee had given her with her purchase. She stood up, making a one-handed attempt to straighten out her skirt. “It’s not even the end of the first trimester. It’s a bit too early to be needing to think about my future. I am just a first-year after all…”

By herself, Megumi wasn’t capable of coming up with a proper explanation. All the ordinary things that kids got called into guidance counselors for—shoddy attendance, a plethora of failing grades—were non-issues for her. There was a chance it had to do with the fact that she spent most of her lunch periods on the roof. Maybe the place was empty because no one was supposed to be up there.

“…Still, hanging out on the roof hardly makes one a delinquent. Besides, if they didn’t want anyone up here, they could just lock it up,” she muttered. “Plus a teacher could handle something like that, so why the counselor? Really, it’s more of a question of why than who…” After a further period of consideration, Megumi was forced to admit that she really had no idea.

“And since that’s the case, all I really can do is go and ask.”

At this rate, she would probably end up being late for class. She had already eaten her lunch, though, so it wasn’t like she had a use for the time she had left. The only thing Megumi was really accomplishing on the roof was avoiding others.

After taking one last look at the sky, Megumi left through the door she had come in, trash in her hands. The stairwell was almost as peaceful as the rooftop, and her footsteps were the only thing that broke the silence. Taking the stairs on autopilot, Megumi stared out the windows, which were free of any smudges whatsoever. In a school like this, even the stairs were kept in impeccable shape.

Megumi’s arm collided with the shoulder of a boy she hadn’t noticed, sending the trash bag down the stairs until it landed at his feet. Megumi almost jumped backwards up the stairs in an attempt to give her collision partner some space. She kept her mouth shut until she was certain that she wouldn’t stutter.

“I’m sorry,” she offered.

The boy she had run into scoffed, and Megumi winced. His frown wasn’t helping, either. Her nervousness disappeared once she was able to look at him, though. His hair had to be the most eye-catching part of him—a startling red beyond what she was used to—but she was quickly proven wrong. It was his eyes, narrowed in irritation, one the same color as his hair, the other a golden yellow. It was Megumi’s first time seeing heterochromia outside of fiction, and she ended up staring without meaning to.

“Don’t look me in the eyes,” the boy said.

“Huh?”

If Megumi hadn’t known better, she would have called this the beginning of some novel or manga—or at least a dream that was imitating one. The boy’s tone was too calm to be called insecure, which started to put him into the ‘enigmatic character’ category. However, the reality of it was that he was wearing the male counterpart to Megumi’s uniform, marking him as just another high school student, no matter how strange his words were.

_But then why does it feel like I’m being ordered around?_

“Pay more attention to where you’re going,” the boy continued. Megumi blinked with the utterance of the words, just then realizing that she was intent on looking anywhere but his face.

“You didn’t notice me, either,” Megumi countered before she could stop herself. Now that she was conscious of it, it was difficult to look at his face without her attention being drawn to his eyes. The task consumed enough of her energy that there was no room for nervousness. “Can’t you just take it as we’re both at fault and move on?” Deciding that it wasn’t worth the effort, Megumi looked back to his mismatched eyes anyway. The boy’s frown deepened a bit further, but Megumi pressed on. “I’m sure we both don’t want to waste what’s left of our lunch on a silly argument like this.”

Not to mention that she was supposed to be in the guidance counselor’s office by now. If this kept up, the faculty would probably think she was avoiding the issue, and that would just cause more trouble. Letting that get out, though, was the last thing Megumi wanted, so she kept the words to herself, even if they could have helped her argument.

Without any prelude to the motion, the boy went to walk up the steps again, passing her. “You’re not even worth wasting time on.”

Megumi turned around. Even though it was better that the conversation was over, she still wasn’t satisfied with how it had ended. However, the boy had already disappeared from view, the door to the second floor closing with a slam. Megumi sighed again, going to pick up her ball of trash from the steps. She didn’t even know what she would have said if the boy had given her the chance to retort. It was better to let it go. But more importantly…

_Did I really just say all that out loud? That was unreal!_

* * *

The guidance counselor, Yamada-sensei, was a fairly pretty woman in her early thirties, professionalism embodied with her dark hair tied up in a bun and glasses set over her eyes, which was giving Megumi trouble reading the woman’s expression. Yamada smiled and gestured for the student to take a seat across from her. A teacup sat on the desk, steaming.

“Kaizuto-san, how have you been?” the counselor asked, pushing the tea across to Megumi. “Would you like any sugar?”

“No, thank you,” Megumi declined, intentionally leaving the first question unanswered. It was meant more as a rhetorical question anyway. However, even those three words managed to come out slightly stiff, causing their speaker to bite her lip.

Yamada only nodded and rested her head on folded hands. Despite the glare coming off the older woman’s glasses, Megumi knew she was being stared at. Yamada didn’t say a word, and Megumi couldn’t bring herself to. She drank from the teacup to avoid speaking.

_It’s bitter._

No matter how much Megumi was regretting her hasty decision at the moment, she didn’t let it show. Yamada smiled.

“I can tell you have no idea why you’re here, Kaizuto-san,” she said. Megumi nodded and placed the cup back on the desk. “To be honest, I didn’t expect to be calling you here, either. Your grades and attendance have been exceptional, particularly for a student who is living on their own for the first time.”

That eliminated any normal issues. In accordance with Megumi’s earlier logic, there was no reason for this counselor visit. “Then why?” she asked, a bit too quiet to be heard. “I mean, why am I being called down if there’s really no problem?”

“Except there is a problem, Kaizuto-san,” Yamada interjected. Megumi felt the apprehension form a coil in her stomach and start to push sweat onto her palms. She tried to look natural while wiping it on the sides of her skirt. “Forgive us if we’re wrong, but your teachers have noticed that you don’t seem to interact with any of your peers. You’re not currently registered in any club activities, either.”

Ah, _there_ it was. Megumi should have known that this was the problem. It had always been like that, though no one had ever really called her out on it. Before, it was easy, because she could use the excuse of prioritizing studies and family, but now—

“This may seem a bit personal, but do you have any friends outside of school?” Yamada continued. Megumi defaulted to honesty, since it took the least amount of work, shaking her head before she realized it would have been better to lie. “And according your records, your family lives quite far away, too. So it would seem that my colleagues’ concerns about your lack of social interaction were correct, then.”

Megumi couldn’t retort. Because it was true. Other than what was necessary for classes and cleaning duties, Megumi hadn’t talked with another member of the Rakuzan student body, and she definitely hadn’t given them a chance to talk to her, either. Even stretching her memory, she couldn’t remember learning anyone’s name.

When it came down to it, she was alone.

_But that’s okay because that’s what’s easiest, so why does it matter, why can’t you just ignore me like everyone else, I’m _fine, _I’m—_

_You’re not even worth wasting time on,_ the boy in the stairwell had said.

_Exactly._

Yamada’s nails tapped against the desk. They looked manicured, and Megumi wondered if they were built to withstand the action or if they would fall apart. “It is Rakuzan’s duty as a school to provide our students with the best experience they can possibly have and give them every opportunity it takes to grow into successful young adults.” Megumi understood immediately. “As such, we can’t ignore a case like yours. I want to help you, Kaizuto-san, so you can go ahead into the future that you want, no matter where that may be.”

This wasn’t about her; it was about the school’s reputation. No matter which way you looked at it, Rakuzan was the top high school in the nation. The institution had a long history of successful graduates, most, if not all, of which were easily accepted into top-tier universities. It didn’t matter how well Megumi scored on her tests and assignment if she couldn’t function like a proper person in a social aspect.

_Which begs the question of how did I even get accepted here again? _Megumi had studied insanely hard for her entrance exams and had the scores to show for it, but that had been mostly out of luck. Her interview couldn’t have been that impressive, either, but somehow she had managed acceptance, fortune even granting her the lowest ranked seat in class 1-A.

“Do you understand what I’m saying, Kaizuto-san?”

“I understand, Yamada-sensei,” Megumi replied. She really did. Rakuzan was trying to make her scholarship money worth it and deliver the complete package by the time her graduation rolled around in three years’ time. The fact that they were calling her in this early could only mean that they recognized her as near hopeless, and in need of a _lot_ of work before that day could come. “So then, what do you think I should do?”

There was really no need for Yamada to look so _pleased_ about the request. Really, Megumi was just going along with what worked best for her. She could barely afford her miniscule apartment as it was, and the Rakuzan enrollment fees were definitely out of the question. If playing along with the guidance counselor was what it took for Megumi to keep her scholarship, then fine.

Going home just wasn’t an option.

“I take it that you have trouble making new friends, Kaizuto-san?” Yamada asked. It was such an understatement that Megumi could only nod. No need to go into the specifics. “That’s understandable since you have moved to a new area. Ideally, we’d find you someone you could relate to—maybe even someone that went to the same school or lived in the same area as you beforehand. However, what I think will work best is for you to make a fresh-new start and go out into the world!”

The sudden enthusiasm on the counselor’s part was almost overwhelming. Megumi grimaced, but distracted herself by looking at the last few wisps of steam rising from the teacup. “That was kind of the point,” she admitted in a mutter. Yamada seemed to retreat a bit from the onslaught in favor of listening. “I kind of wanted to be a new me. That’s why I decided to move away from home.”

It was embarrassing to say the words out loud. It didn’t help that her own tone of voice made Megumi sound like a simpering elementary kid about to cry on the playground because someone stole her favorite toy. It was even less of a declaration than her earlier words to the clouds on the rooftop. Still, Megumi forced a wry chuckle out of her lips.

“I guess I haven’t been doing very good at that, now have I?” she said, the self-depreciation clear.

Yamada stared for a few more moments, like she was processing something. Megumi realized that the woman wasn’t even taking notes. She didn’t know if the absence or the presence of the action would have made her feel better.

_But did I really need to say something like _that_ out loud?_

“Well, since you have that determination, it’s time to give yourself a sub-goal that will indirectly lead to you to your real goal,” Yamada stated. Megumi didn’t quite follow. “Kaizuto-san, you should try and join a club. Now, now, hear me out.” Megumi took another drink of the tea, hoping the bitter taste would shock some color back into her cheeks. “If you make your focus on being in a club and doing your actions as a club member well, that sort of behavior should lead you to interacting with other students more. At the very least you’ll have new bonds, even if they aren’t exactly close friendship. How does that sound?”

How did that sound? It sounded like hell. Megumi had never joined a club in her nine previous years of education, but she knew enough what to expect. Joining a club basically meant being shoved into a group of strangers with one common goal and having to interact with them several times a week. Megumi couldn’t even build up the courage to try and become one person’s friend, let alone at least five.

What Yamada-sensei was asking was truly impossible.

“Just go ahead and give it a shot. Any club is fine. Why don’t you try, and if it doesn’t work out, then you can come back and visit me again next week and we’ll try to work something out then?”

Oh, no. Megumi wasn’t coming anywhere near this place again. Yamada was an alright lady, but the idea of making regular trips to a place that was built to forcefully iron out problems was worse than being involved in club activities. Here, Megumi would be stuck trying to get to the core of her issues bit by bit, and it wouldn’t take long for the whole school to know that she _needed_ professional help to even function.

_In comparison to that, dealing with a club is nothing! At least there I’ll have some sort of control over what I say and do…_

“I’ll do my best, Yamada-sensei,” Megumi agreed. She could promise that, at least. That definitely eliminated the chance of any guarantees.

Yamada smiled. “Good,” she said. “Well, then, you better head off to class. I already told Uchida-sensei that you’d be seeing me, so there won’t be any trouble if you’re late. There are only a few minutes, left so you should hurry.” Megumi nodded, standing up, her eyes darting to the clock on the wall. If she walked fast enough, she would be able to make it without running. “Oh, and good luck, Kaizuto-san.”

Megumi said her short farewells and headed back towards the stairs. So all she had to do was find a club and sign up for it. Hell, she could even just put in the paperwork and that would at least buy her some time. Though, as her footsteps echoed up the stairwell, the boy from earlier popped into her head.

_What if…what if everyone at this school’s like that?!_

Megumi groaned. She hadn’t just been _forced_ into joining a club against her will. She had been _tricked_.


	2. 2—Classroom

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

2—Classroom

* * *

_The clouds, almost arrogant, know no suffering._

* * *

Megumi made her way back to Classroom 1-A on autopilot, not really processing her surroundings. She could have just as easily run into several people on the stairs and not even noticed this time, except for the fact that every rational student was already in their class, ready for work to resume. Not even stragglers were present in the hall at this time.

Once again, Megumi was some sort of outsider.

The realization of Yamada-sensei’s full trick was more than enough to send Megumi into a state of shock. For a moment, the girl had been willing to let the counselor get close—not too close, but just a little bit closer than anyone else—to what Megumi’s true thoughts were. The woman had responded by assigning an impossible task. Yamada-sensei was more devious than she looked, which was probably why Rakuzan had hired her in the first place.

_What was I thinking, agreeing to that sort of thing? There’s no way I can join a club. There’s just no way!_

Despite her inner panic, Megumi managed to keep calm on the outside. Maybe it was easier since there wasn’t anyone in the hall to watch her. Regardless, she dug her nails into her palms, trying to steel her resolve. At the very least, even if joining a club was impossible, she could still try to stay strong. There was no need to be awkward simply for returning to her own classroom.

Megumi managed to make it into the door just seconds before the bell rang. Uchida-sensei looked up at her entrance, but didn’t comment. Megumi bowed her head a bit in apology before moving on to her desk. The sooner she sat down, the sooner the lesson could start, and maybe nobody would realize that she had been called to the guidance counselor’s office over lunch break.

Halfway there, though, she stopped. It was almost a joke. Sitting in the desk right in front of hers was the same boy from earlier—unless he had an identical twin that just so also happened to have heterochromia. Any theory that Megumi could conjure up within a few seconds was easily crushed by the fact that it was easiest that this boy and the one from before were, in fact, the same.

_Th-this enigma’s been in my class this whole time and I never noticed?! He even sits in front of me, too…_

In some ways, there were definite disadvantages to not interacting with any of her peers. Those things had probably been in the background of the teacher’s thoughts when they had decided that Megumi was a potential candidate for counseling. This particular scenario, however, was probably not one they had in mind. Megumi certainly had never considered it, either.

To make matters worse, he had _noticed_ that she was staring at him. While the rest of the students had mildly interested looks on their faces—probably making up some rumor, which was enough of a strain on Megumi’s nerves as it was—the red-haired boy was staring straight back at her, his eyes narrowed in some form of intimidation or irritation.

Even though there was no way for the boy to enforce such a request—no_, command_ as the one he had made earlier, Megumi still tore her eyes away from him, instead staring out the classroom window. The normally reassuring blue was missing, obscured by trees and clouds. It had been a long time since Megumi had been able to physically _feel_ her heartbeat without effort, and the sensation was almost as overwhelming as the boy that had caused it.

“Kaizuto-san, are you feeling alright?” Uchida-sensei asked, and Megumi forced her attention to the teacher. His expression was a mix of worry and expectation, as if a student of Rakuzan wasn’t permitted to suddenly freeze up in the front of the classroom and prevent the lesson from even starting. “Do you need to go to the nurse’s office?”

“Yes—No—Ah, that is,” Megumi stammered. She slammed her mouth shut and inhaled deeply through her nose before even daring to say another word. “I just felt dizzy for a moment, Sensei. It passed, so I should be fine. Please begin the lesson.” Securing her eyes to the tiles in the floor, Megumi shuffled as fast as she could without attracting any extra attention back to her desk. It took her a few moments to remember which notebook she needed to pull out, but soon she was just as ready as the rest of Class 1-A, if not several levels more frazzled.

Uchida gave Megumi an extra glance, then nodded. “Very well, but if you feel the need, don’t hesitate to go lie down,” he said. It was an almost half-hearted suggestion, and Megumi felt even less inclined to go lie down than before, even if it was what she really wanted. Uchida cleared his throat before turning to the chalkboard. “Now, as we were discussing last class…”

The familiar pattern of the lecture set in, and Megumi could feel some of her tension dissolving. Soon enough, the regular cycle of life would return, and her screw-up would fade away from everyone’s memories. It could last a few days, but Megumi didn’t think it would be more than that. The distance between her and her classmates would either make the subject stick longer or fade faster, depending on the people involved.

It was scary, though, just how easily the boy had been able to shatter her attempts. As she had told the counselor, Megumi had come to Rakuzan in hopes of starting over. While she wasn’t exactly at the “be able to normally socialize” level she had hoped for, Megumi still felt like she had been doing better at holding herself together.

_So all it takes is a few harsh words and a glare and I’m back to where I started, huh…_ Hardly even registering what Uchida is writing on the board, Megumi chewed at the end of her pencil, instead staring at the back of an impossibly red head of hair. _I didn’t notice this for two months straight? Even when it was right in front of me?_

A mental sigh. _Just as pathetic as always, huh?_

* * *

Megumi didn’t learn much in the purely academic sense the rest of the day, mainly because she was too busy picking up little details about the redhead in front of her. Her distraction of the lectures didn’t worry her too much—part of the reason she got the grades she did was from her ability to teach herself material from the textbook. So long as she had the reference pages and kept track of her homework assignments, Megumi would be able to pick herself up and do just fine.

Besides, he was more interesting anyway, even if Megumi only learned little tiny things. For starters, his name was Akashi, almost like the gods had blessed him with a hair color to match his family legacy out of some practical joke. Beyond that, though, he was called upon several times throughout the course of their afternoon classes, and he always had the answer right. He had answered one of the math example problems without even working at the board. And to the _decimal point_ at that!

There was always the chance that he was some sort of prodigy; the idea only served to make Megumi more impressed. Then again, maybe being a prodigy wasn’t so unusual at a school like Rakuzan, but that didn’t curb Megumi’s excitement. There was something about having a tangible prodigy in front of her that was so much more alluring than probable ones in the peripheral.

The other part of her wasted time was spent on worrying about just what to do about her club dilemma. Like Yamada had said, it would probably be best to just go for it and pick a club to join and start out by going through the motions. The only problem was that, never having joined a club before, Megumi didn’t even know where to start, let alone what sort of clubs Rakuzan had.

There was a strong chance most of her classmates would know. In fact, Megumi could say with almost complete certainty that she may have been the only freshman not to have already joined a group. Almost anyone of the others could probably tell her what to do, possibly even lend a helping hand, despite club recruitment season being over.

Of course, the problem with _that_ plan was that Megumi didn’t know how to talk to them, which was why she was trapped in this whole mess in the first place! Just intruding on someone she had never met before because Megumi was pathetic seemed rude, not to mention required enough guts to jump over an invisible social barrier that you couldn’t tell just how high it was.

Yeah, Megumi was definitely lacking _that_.

It would have been different if there were someone that she had talked to, even more a moment beyond the usual pleasantries. There was always the chance of the class representatives, but in Megumi’s mind the sense of “power” made the barrier even more difficult to pass. Even if it was on accident, though, Megumi just needed _one_ sliver of connection to the rest of the student life world of Rakuzan High School.

It was probably the stress that made her take so long to figure it out. Megumi didn’t need to forge an accident (which was even less likely than her approaching a stranger in the middle of a dark alley) because she had already had one. And while Akashi was more than intimidating to someone like her, Megumi would take whatever she could get ahold of.

And just like that, any time and money invested into the formal education of Kaizuto Megumi was instead sacrificed for the sake of mental preparation for contact outside of the small radius that served as Megumi’s world.

* * *

“Stand,” came the call of the class representative at the end of the day. “Bow.” Megumi did the actions out of mechanical habit, her mind not really processing them. While the rest of the students went thanked the teacher for the lesson, she mouthed out the words she had planned to say, the closest she could get to rehearsing them. Once the final ritual of the school day was done, Class 1-A broke out into chatter, and Megumi took a deep breath before forcing herself to speak.

“Akashi-kun,” she said, her voice managing to be steady, “I’m sorry about earlier. I was wondering if—” With a surely practiced precision, Akashi packed up his bag and left the room, not even acknowledging Megumi’s attempts at speaking. He hadn’t been even moving that fast, but there was such a smoothness to the action that he was gone before Megumi could even blink.

Putting a hand to her lips, Megumi replayed the scene in her head. She had definitely spoken loud enough for Akashi to hear her, there was no doubt about that. Even over the din of her classmates, she had accounted for any such interference. That left two options: either Akashi was simply too absorbed in thought to acknowledge her, or he was outright ignoring her.

_Th-that’s a bit harsh, isn’t it? I mean, there’s no way he could know, but I put all that hard work into trying to talk to him, and he just ignored it! And earlier, too… How did a first-year learn to be so rude?_

In some ways, this defeat was almost a harder blow than Yamada-sensei’s earlier deception. At least that had been an active manipulation. Combined with Akashi’s earlier words, Megumi felt almost definite of her lack of a need to exist.

_No, I can’t think that!_ Megumi thought, trying to get a grip on herself again. She bit the inside of her cheek, the pain serving as shock enough to get her moving again. _He probably has club activities or something important to do at home. And if it’s the former, I can follow him and end up around other clubs. Even if my level of awkwardness, I should be able to talk to someone about joining if they start the conversation first._

Megumi rushed out of the classroom, leaving her bag and assignments behind. The school would still be open for a while, so she could come back and get them easily, so long as she didn’t dawdle too late. Looking around, Megumi was able to catch sight of the by now familiar red hair entering the stairwell on the opposite side of the hall. She navigated her way around the steadily growing output of students, making it to the stairs with just enough time to catch sight of Akashi on the floor down over the side railing.

What she was doing was crazy. Megumi could easily admit that. Beyond that revelation, she couldn’t bring herself to stop, either. This was her first time doing something out of the ordinary that she didn’t expect from herself since moving, and she wasn’t about to let the energy she had disappear. She couldn’t afford to wait another fifteen years to work up the courage to do something like this again!

Once she made it out the same exit Akashi had taken, Megumi slowed down. True there were still students here and there, but it was nothing compared to the traffic that was in the rest of the hallways. The _last_ thing she needed was for Akashi to notice that she was following him. Sure, she could mention looking for a club to join since it _was_ the truth, but that would probably fail to come out of her mouth just when she needed it. And no matter what, an encounter like that would most likely end in being on the receiving end of another of the boy’s dual-colored glares.

Her heart couldn’t take that much shock.

Megumi managed to keep her eyes on Akashi while looking over the area she was in. It was one of the several walkways that led to the gymnasium areas. That being said, her earlier hypothesis about him being in some sort of club was correct, and a sports club at that. Just to make sure, Megumi tailed the boy until he entered one of the gyms, then found a nearby bench that she could sit down on.

Even if she hadn’t been running much, Megumi felt exhausted. Once she had stopped losing herself in the action, she realized that she had been hoping to engage Akashi in conversation, even if she hadn’t had time to plan out any of the words again. As it was, though, she couldn’t just walk into the gym and ask for a casual conversation, not while he had club duties. In addition, waiting outside of the gym until he was done could only get her labeled as a stalker.

“Yeah, I really did it now,” she said. Leaning back on her palms, Megumi looked up to the sky. The clouds from earlier hadn’t gone away, but at least they were still white. Between them were small patches of blue, and Megumi’s eyes followed them as the clouds floated by, changing shapes. “Got myself all worked up over a dead end. Way to go.”

At least fifteen minutes passed of Megumi sitting there, unsure of what to do. Several other students rushed by, either running past or heading into the same gym that Akashi had entered. They were probably heading towards their own club activities or friends, leading exactly the kind of lives that Megumi was supposed to find for herself.

“What a pain…”

She really shouldn’t give up, though. A feeling nagged at her, telling her things she should have already known. If she didn’t figure this thing out, she would be spending far too much time in Yamada-sensei’s area, forced to talk about it. Really, even if her goal of talking to Akashi had failed, it was really only a means to learn about clubs on campus. That sort of legwork would be clearer if she just went straight to the source.

Megumi stood up, staring down the gymnasium door. No matter what sort of club was beyond that door, it would be best to look instead of guessing. On an off chance, it could be something she could join. Akashi wasn’t a necessary presence to be in the club, but Megumi would feel better if there was someone she knew she could work up the courage to talk to was there.

After a minute of building herself up, she opened the door.

The impact of rubber colliding with the floor echoed from several areas in a mix of steady rhythms. Tennis shoes and whistles squeaked high notes into the air. Rims rattled and plays were called out, a mix of boys spread out amongst the large area of a Rakuzan gymnasium working themselves up into a sweat. There was no doubt that what she had just stumbled upon was the boys’ basketball club.

Still, for something so simple, Megumi was stuck staring. Once, her middle school tennis team had made it to the nationals and the entire school had been sent on a field trip to watch. Megumi didn’t know much about sports and had spent most of the trip running to the concession stand for extra drinks. Still, that had been a team setting their eyes on the national title, and the vibe they had given off had somehow stuck with her.

It was nothing compared to this.

The entire room gave off a sort of intensity that Megumi didn’t know how to describe. It was too much, really, and eventually she had to force herself to let the door close. The sensation stopped, but Megumi had to place a hand on the nearby wall to keep standing, her legs almost shaking.

The sex barrier that prevented Megumi from joining the club didn’t even matter. That sort of vibe was something Megumi would never be able to stand being around, let alone give off. In simple words, when it came to joining the same club as Akashi…

_That’s definitely out of the question._


	3. 3—Within Proximity

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

3—Within Proximity

* * *

_Sometimes, in the presence of night, the world doesn’t look so different._

* * *

In the end, it wasn’t just the Rakuzan High School Basketball Club that proved to be impossible to join. Not sure what else to do, Megumi wandered about the more than substantial sports area, looking at the others. At the time, her thoughts were considering if joining a sports club could possibly give her a starting point in conversation with Akashi. However, just looking at the other clubs from afar brought her to the same sort of conclusion.

None of the other sports teams could generate the same level of intensity that the basketball club had done, or at least Megumi had already adapted to what being in that sort of presence was like. Still, each of the clubs gave off their own competitive vibe that Megumi knew she couldn’t stand being a part of, mainly because her own competitive endeavors were few and far between.

It didn’t help that she knew almost nothing about how to participate in sports. Even being ranked as one of the lowest members, Megumi knew she probably couldn’t take any level of intensity of training, and trying to match up with her peers would only result in exhaustion, which would make her grades drop as a result. As it was, the issue of joining a sports club was closed on that day, leaving Megumi to walk home without the smallest inclination of what she was going to do about Yamada-sensei’s challenge.

“I mean, I guess it’s good that I at least decided what I’m _not_ going to do, but that doesn’t help much,” she muttered, paying more attention to the orange tinted sky than the sidewalk. “I still don’t know what I’m going to do, plus how can I even talk to any club members? Ahh, Akashi was a total jerk but I at least could work up the courage to talk to him. What am I gonna do…?”

It was simple, even if Megumi hated the conclusion. Taking a deep breath, Megumi resigned herself to the fact that making friends with Akashi just wasn’t realistically obtainable.

* * *

The next day wasn’t filled with much progress, either. Megumi had to reset her resolve several times throughout the evening and school day as she headed towards the cultural clubs’ building on the other end of the school. She did her best to walk past rooms without looking too interested, making her way through the first floor. With each listed activity—literary club, calligraphy club, computer research society—Megumi remembered why she hadn’t really joined any clubs, even back in elementary school.

It was more than the thought of interacting with other people, which she could get over with if she tried, or at least the minimum amount required for standard interaction. As it was, Megumi hadn’t developed any special talents or interests, usually just studying or doing the things her family members were interested in. By the time she made it to high school, Megumi had come to the conclusion that the only thing she could do well was analyze patterns in information and make conclusions with them—a good critical thinking skill that worked for homework and tests, but not much else.

_Well, it _is_ the sort of skill that can be applied to almost anything, but it doesn’t help much if you don’t have an idea to apply it to. If I even had the slightest form of an interest, this would be a lot easier, but I really don’t know…_

Megumi took her time to go up the stairs before making it to the second floor. She didn’t want to rush, but she definitely wanted this to be over with. As such, she took a neutral pace between too fast and too slow and walked down the hall, pausing to read the signs outside of each of the club room’s, hoping that something might sound the tiniest bit interesting.

Nothing did, though. Megumi’s curiosity was almost dampened, and even if something did spark, it definitely wouldn’t catch. It had never occurred to her before, but now that she was face to face with it, it was obvious that Megumi had probably intentionally kept herself from forming interests of her own because she wouldn’t have known what to do with them.

Megumi stopped walking and closed her eyes. _I need to get over this. Anything’s fine, as long as it’s something. I can always change my mind later. Just as long as there’s something I can stay out of Yamada-sensei’s office and maybe even find something I like. But if I don’t try, I won’t even know._

_Come on, Megumi, get it together!_

“Hey, are you interested in the Go Club?”

Megumi jumped, her palm slapping against a nearby window in an attempt to steady herself. Now standing in front of her was a girl that hadn’t been there before, dark hair spilling over her shoulders. Megumi managed to catch herself before she started stuttering, nothing escaping her mouth.

She should have expected this to happen. Part of her had been prepared for it. Walking around the vicinity of clubs without an aim would produce the conclusion that one was looking for a club, either to join or to find someone else. The fact that this girl had concluded the former made Megumi wonder if she happened to project a vibe that signaled she didn’t have any friends.

_If so, then I’m more depressing than I thought…_

“Oh, am I wrong?” the girl asked. “You were just standing outside for a while, so I just thought…” The girl’s eyebrows drooped, giving a sad slant to her eyes. Megumi hadn’t found the right words to say yet. There was something about suddenly being interrupted from her personal world that made interacting with the outside one much more difficult. “Oh, sorry, are you shy? I can introduce you if you like.”

“No!” Megumi protested. Things were moving too fast. Even if this was the end goal, she needed to stall for time to get her thoughts straight. The girl tilted her head in confusion. “Ah, that is, the only strategy based game I know the rules to Shogi, so…”

Megumi had hoped that would be enough to dislodge the Go girl’s interest, but in the end the latter’s eyes lit up with even more recognition before. It was the sort of expression that showed that an idea was brewing behind the surface and in one’s thoughts, and Megumi flinched back a bit.

“I can introduce you to the Shogi Club, then!” the Go girl announced with the same amount of enthusiasm as before. Megumi’s inner panic only intensified, preventing her from opening her mouth. The last thing she wanted to do was play Shogi with other people, especially if they had something even close to the same competitive atmosphere as the sports clubs had.

_And who the hell just goes ahead and assumes that because someone knows the rules they want to join?!_

Megumi would have given anything to be able to refuse. However, the same sort of force keeping her mouth shut prevented her from even shaking her head. At this rate, she was going to end up joining the Shogi Club whether she liked it or not, and while that would effectively complete her end of the deal with Yamada-sensei, Megumi was certain she’d be better off dead.

“Okay, just gimme a minute and I’ll get someone,” the Go girl continued, turning and walking down the hallway at an even pace. She cupped one of her hands around her mouth, forming an impromptu megaphone with her fingers. “Oi! Kenta, come here!”

Megumi managed a sharp intake of breath, a shudder running down from her shoulders. At this rate, she was going to have the whole hallway staring at her, then she wouldn’t even be able to work up the courage to join any of the cultural clubs out of fear for passing other students and getting recognized for making a scene. The whole scenario was too much.

So Megumi turned and ran.

It hadn’t been an intentional act, but by the time Megumi had made it to the bottom of the stairs, she kept it up. She tightened her grip on her school bag and ran for it, gathering more than a few stares of students straggling about the entrance and courtyard. She didn’t care anymore. She just needed to get out of there.

She kept running until she tripped on an uneven part of the sidewalk, scraping her hand against the concrete. It wasn’t too bad, but it was enough to break her concentration, and Megumi came to a stop, staring at the small amount of blood on her palm. None of it trickled, just stayed in stagnant place, barely bothering to even move outside of her skin. Scowling, Megumi closed her palm into a fist, the resulting sting barely registering.

“…That was pathetic.”

* * *

The following day Megumi entered the club building with bandages wrapped around one hand, her bag in the other, and headed straight for the top floor. It would probably be at least a week before she could go back to the second floor without getting dragged back into the Shogi/Go recruitment efforts, and by then it would be past the deadline.

Really, it was better to just play it safe.

Walking through the other available floors, though, Megumi couldn’t find anything to do. In the end, each club seemed to be absolutely serious about their activities, like it was a passion for them even if was something simple. For someone like Megumi to join out of an outside obligation other than a genuine interest would only be disrespectful to those who were giving it their all. No matter what sort of consequences she would endure in Yamada-sensei’s presence, Megumi just couldn’t do it.

She walked home that day, slower than usual. Beforehand, her thoughts had always been of things like what she would eat to dinner, what chores needed to be taken care of, and how she was going to tackle her homework assignments that evening. She hadn’t had much need for anything else in her life in middle school, and moving really hadn’t changed much.

_Man, how come I can’t do anything? You would think that after fifteen years I would at least know what I want to do. I don’t even know if I want to make friends anymore. I know I _should_, but that doesn’t mean I want to. In fact, I don’t think I want anything anymore._

_Would crying help? I don’t feel like I need to, but it’s really all I can think of…_

It was a stupid idea and Megumi knew it. At this point, though, she didn’t know what else to do. She tried to think of things that had made her cry before, but it didn’t happen. The last time she had cried was near the end of middle school. Already, there was enough difference between the Kaizuto Megumi of then and the one in the present that such a chasm had formed in her feelings.

_So then why do I feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere at all?_

* * *

Megumi went directly home the next two days, and spent Sunday eating the leftovers from an excess of groceries purchased the previous afternoon. She normally took every precaution to make every last yen count when budgeting, but she had gone a bit overboard. While what little allowance her mother sent her could easily cover living expenses, it didn’t do much else. And since Megumi didn’t have any interests outside of her schoolwork, this hadn’t been much of a problem.

Sunday evening, though, she desperately wished she had something else to do. It was too early to go to bed without disrupting her sleeping patterns, and she had completed all of her homework. Her cellphone was an outdated model without any games, and she didn’t have any friends she could contact with conversation.

To make matters worse, the next day was Monday.

Megumi leaned onto her table, head propped up on her arms, and stared out the window. “What do I do?” she said. “Tomorrow’s the deadline and I haven’t even come close to getting into a club. The only person I talked to was Gobu-san, and then I ran away from her. At this rate, Yamada-sensei better just tell the school board to kick me out because I’m useless.”

The sky outside was between the last traces of orange and dark blue before blackness. Megumi couldn’t see much of it from her low-level apartment, but she could see enough to talk to. There weren’t any clouds out, either, and Megumi tried to make herself relax.

The tension she had been carrying for almost a week didn’t so much as budge in the amount of pressure it was applying her shoulders.

“I know, I know.” Everything Megumi was saying was a contradiction to what she had wanted to do, but that was always the kind of person she had been. “But I can’t even keep up the standards I wanted for myself. They weren’t anything big, either. I won’t say that moving was a mistake but it definitely wasn’t anything useful. The place is different, but I’m still the same old piece of trash.”

_You’re not even worth wasting time on._

Megumi laughed, burying her eyes into her sleeves. She didn’t have an urge to cry, but she didn’t have the urge to smile, either. Her laugh was completely neutral, not working for or against her. It just was, almost as empty as the way Megumi felt, except her own existence was definitely more towards the negative spectrum.

“Hey, do you think Akashi ever had a problem with figuring out what he wanted to do?” Megumi said, sitting back up. She could see the beginnings of her reflection in the window pane, fuzzy and without real definition. “I doubt he did. I bet he just glanced at the world and said ‘This is what I’m going to do’ and he tried out for the basketball club with no trouble at all and managed to make it in with skill and passion.”

The sky only got darker by the minute. Megumi wanted to fall over, to lie there without a care. She wanted to go to the school rooftop and press her back against the concrete and see nothing but blues and oranges and watch until there was nothing but black and light poisoning erased stars. She wanted the moon to not exist and let the sky speak for itself. She settled for her linoleum floor and closed her eyes to avoid staring into the room’s singular light bulb.

“I wanna be like that,” she muttered. It wasn’t the first time she had thought such things, but it was the first time she had had the courage to say it out loud. “I wanna know. I wanna stand up. I wanna be able to stare at something and be able to know that it’s what I want and I wanna run for it.”

It was nothing more than a simple dream, but it was all that Megumi really had. Until this point in her life, there hadn’t been anything else for her. She could only work for finding something to work for, no matter how pathetic that made her.

_I’m not gonna get anything done at this rate._ Megumi stood up and pushed her table to the side of the room, trading it out for her futon. Once the blankets were laid out, the girl turned out the light and lied down on her side, hands working on pulling out her ponytail and securing the band around her wrist.

The ambient light from the streets trickled in to Megumi’s window, the sunset completely faded by now. Still, she stared at the sky, not even bothering to close her eyes. She probably couldn’t sleep as she tried, so there wasn’t any point. There was just less of a point in wasting electricity and pretending like she was going to accomplish something within a few hours.

“Alright, no giving up…” she agreed, just barely managing to let her voice out. “If I give up, it’s really all over. Even if I end up getting put through the ringer by Yamada-sensei, I gotta go for it. There’s just one more day, so I should be able to find a club to take me in…”

Megumi wasn’t sure just where she would go, so that made it harder to plan out. Still, it was something. She tried to separate out what clubs would have opportunities and which one she knew she wouldn’t stand a chance in. It was difficult because she didn’t have as much data as she would have liked to have collected, but that was her own fault. She could make necessary adjustments as needed tomorrow. Now, she just needed the courage to go and do it.

_Excuse me, I was interested in joining your club._ The words became a mantra, repeating as she considered other questions to be ready for. She prepared their answers, and imagined herself saying them. The visual would be reality if she just pushed herself a bit, and then, maybe, she could be a bit closer to leaving the shadow of her old self behind.

As she settled into the familiar patterns of evaluating information, Megumi finally felt more relaxed. It would take a lot of effort on her part, but it was still possible. She was perfectly willing to do whatever it took to make her world change, no matter how slowly progress would end up being. That was the kind of life that Kaizuto Megumi had chosen. However, amidst her usual patterns of thoughts were two elements, not serving as distractions, but more so as influences, one of them being the resonance of the basketball club.

The other one was the not completely abandoned thought of Akashi.


	4. 4—Gymnasium

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

4—Gymnasium

* * *

_The sun, without any hindrance, shines down even here sometimes._

* * *

Megumi arrived at school early, and used the time she had to scribble out a vague attack plan on the back of a page of incomplete notes from her history class, useless due to the fact that Megumi had ignored that particular lesson in favor of trying to remember how to speak to strangers. It didn’t matter what club she ended up in. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t as passionate as the others. All that mattered was that joining a club was a chance to change herself, plus it had the added bonus of not having to talk to Yamada-sensei again.

She hoped that Yamada would give her until the end of the day, and hold off on talking to Megumi until Tuesday. The counselor _had_ said a week after all, though sometimes people meant different things using the same words. Megumi defined _a week_ as the Tuesday following her initial conversation with Yamada, which had also been a Tuesday. Other people could have defined _a week_ as the seventh day from that Tuesday, meaning Monday. If the latter was the case, Megumi would just have to plead her case.

It wasn’t like she could do anything until after school, anyway. She had no idea who in her class was in a club other than Akashi.

_Still, I feel like I’m drawn to the basketball club. Joining would have been nice…_

Megumi lightly hit her palms against her cheeks once, dislodging the thought. Joining up with the Rakuzan High School Basketball Club was an impossible feat for someone like her. That was the end of it. She was a girl, and the team was made of boys. Even if there was a girls’ basketball club here—which Megumi supposed was completely possible; she had never checked—she just didn’t have the athletic ability for it.

She forced herself to focus on the plan in front of her. She would have to settle for a culture club, and she had compiled a list of the ones least likely to get involved in any competition—which eliminated _both_ the Go and Shogi clubs if Megumi happened to run into the Go girl in the halls. She had been preparing herself since the previous night. Doing this _was_ possible.

Megumi inhaled and exhaled, then opened up her notebook to the material for her first class.

* * *

Lunchtime rolled around, and Megumi sat for a few minutes in her seat without moving. She still had leftovers from the weekend, and so had been able to bring a lunch for herself today. On the off chance that Yamada-sensei did call her to the office, Megumi didn’t feel like hauling her bento down from the rooftop, especially not half-eaten. It was better to wait, and after a few minutes, Megumi was convinced she was in the clear. She pulled her bento from her bag and stood up, the legs of her chair scraping against the tile.

“Oh, so you guys are heading out to a practice meet this weekend? That’s super exciting.”

“Haha, I guess. It’d be a lot more fun if our manager wasn’t breathing down our backs about getting enough rest and being prepared. I swear, she’s worse than our coach!”

It wasn’t something Megumi was meant to hear, and she had never been one to eavesdrop, either. It was like some part of her classmates’ words had triggered a reaction in her, which had prompted her to listen instead of just tuning them out. A part of Megumi was proud that she had expanded on her world, just a little bit, but the other part of her was too focused on latching onto something else.

_A manager._

Megumi tightened her fingers around the bag holding her bento and thermos, then ran out of the classroom. She almost tripped on her desk, and had definitely left some whispers in her wake, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing, but Megumi headed down the stairs and towards the sports complex. She stopped in front of the gymnasium doors, the parallel bench letting her know she was in the right place.

The handle turned, and the door opened without any problems. Without its team inside, the gymnasium was silent. For whatever reason, the lights were still on, and Megumi could see the floor sparkle as if it were freshly cleaned. In this place where even stairwells were kept in peak condition, it only stood to reason that the gyms that were provided for their national-level sports teams would be just as, if not more, immaculate.

Megumi shouldn’t have felt like she belonged here. She was the exact opposite of an athlete, and the vibe that the basketball club gave off was something she could barely stand in the presence of. Still, the empty gymnasium almost felt like a home to her. Really, the only thing the roof had that the gym didn’t was a view of the sky.

Megumi walked to the center of the painted lines in the middle of the court. She looked straight up at the ceiling, just barely catching the walls in her peripheral vision. As expected, it was huge. Megumi stared for a few minutes before sitting down, retrieving her bento.

_I get the feeling that I shouldn’t be doing this… Which one’s more likely to get me into trouble? Eating lunch on the roof or eating lunch in one of the gyms? If they really didn’t want people to do it, the school would just put up signs or make rules or something. Then again, in this case, maybe they just didn’t think of it?_

Megumi pressed the ends of her chopsticks against her lower lip, thinking. This was something she probably shouldn’t make a habit of, but every now and then, it would be okay. Besides, some people maybe even used their lunch period to practice. She didn’t need to interfere with that.

“Still, this place is really nice.”

“Can I help you with something?” a voice called. Megumi let out a shriek, almost spilling her lunch onto the shining gym floor. While such an incident didn’t really occur, her heart rate didn’t slow down in the slightest. Scrambling, Megumi rushed to pack up her lunch, the lid not completely secure on her bento before being shoved back into the bag.

“I’m sorry!” she apologized as she stood up. Bowing deeply in the direction of the voice, Megumi wondered just how much trouble she would be in now. What if she ended up having to do extra classroom duty and ended up missing her chance to join a club by the deadline?! Megumi did her best to take even breaths as she straightened her back out, hoping to prevent hyperventilation.

In the time it had taken her to ready herself, the owner of the voice had already crossed the gym floor, Megumi having been too caught up mentally to even notice any footsteps. He was a close to middle-aged man with dark hair slicked back. He didn’t seem angry, either, but Megumi didn’t let her guard down. It was always the people who seemed the calmest that had more volatile tempers, and she didn’t need to set him off while her nerves were like this.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, quieter, “I just…” She just what? Wanted to get away? Wanted to pretend that she belonged somewhere? Megumi was tired of eating lunch alone in the classroom or on the roof, even if trying to join someone else’s clique terrified her. She wanted to have friends and be normal and not be so scared to do something as simple as join a club.

She wanted to be confident in herself, enough that she could conduct herself in the same sort of manner that Akashi had in that stairwell.

“I was hoping…to join the basketball club as its manager,” she admitted out loud. There was no point in saying it other than Megumi had needed to admit it to herself. The man she was speaking to right now most likely didn’t have any influence over such things anyway.

“Is that so?” he asked, his tone completely neutral. Megumi nodded, feeling like she could burst into tears at any second. Her eyes were dry, but there was a weight in her stomach, not enough to stop her from moving, but enough that she couldn’t ignore its presence and carry on. After a contemplative silence, the man continued, “I am Shirogane Eiji, the coach of the basketball club. What is your name?”

Megumi flinched a bit, but restricted the movement. If she actually jumped, there was no guarantee she would remain in her skin. “I’m Kaizuto Megumi, from Class 1-A,” she managed without stuttering.

“Ah, so you’re the girl that Yamada mentioned.” Megumi felt a mix of embarrassment and guilt. It would make sense for the guidance counselor to inform those in charge of clubs to the situation, but it was still an unnecessary burden to all but the one in charge of whichever club she was able to join. Still, she nodded, not knowing if words were necessary or what she would even say if she tried. “As it is, the basketball club already has a manager,” Shirogane said.

Megumi should have expected as much. Just like everything else here, the Rakuzan Basketball Club was perfect, so they would already have all the members they would need. And, like she had concluded before, since she couldn’t join as a player, that was the end of it. At this point, she would have to go back to her original plan of scouting the culture clubs after classes and praying they were accepting new members.

What Megumi hadn’t expected was the disappointment she would feel as the result. Somehow, a part of her hadn’t given up hope, despite all of her logic telling her to let it go.

_And I was so sure I was prepared for this…!_

“I understand,” she said, her voice shaking. Megumi swallowed, hoping to erase the tremor. “Thank you for letting me know. I’ll be heading back…” She stopped. Heading back where? Definitely not to the classroom. “I’ll be leaving now.”

Megumi turned back to the entrance, clutching her bag of lunch against her chest. “Wait,” Shirogane said. It was nothing like the way Akashi had talked, but there was still a definitive sense of command in his words, even if it was cushioned by the small amount of kindness. Instinctively, Megumi obeyed, looking back over her shoulder. “While it is true that the position is filled, we are a large club with more members than it is reasonable to expect one person to handle on their own. Given your circumstances, I would say that you could work as an assistant manager, if that’s acceptable to what you were aiming for.”

It had to be a joke. It just had to be, because it was too good to be true. A stroke of luck. A way in. A blessing of good fortune. Combining this along with her acceptance into Rakuzan, Megumi had certainly used up most of her good luck for the rest of her life.

_So then I just have to put in more genuine effort from now on. That’s all it means, right?_

Shakily nodding, Megumi said, “I’d really appreciate it.”

“In that case, I welcome you to the team,” Shirogane said, his syllables clipped short with professionalism. “Practice is on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. You will be expected to report on time with the exceptions of classroom duties, illness, and family issues, although you must inform myself, the captain, or your senior manager beforehand. You are also required to attend all games the team participates in. Is that understood?”

As expected, a strict set of circumstances. Still, that was how things were run in a place like this. Clenching her fists around the handle of her bag of lunch, Megumi made sure she didn’t hold back.

“Yes, sir!”

“Very well,” Shirogane said, and Megumi dared to hope she had heard something like approval in his voice this time. “I’ll go and get you a club entry form for you to turn in, and then I’ll see you after school tomorrow.” Not even giving the girl a chance to respond, the coach turned back around and headed to what Megumi guessed was his office.

_That…that just happened. That really happened…!_

It took the sound of the door Shirogane had left through closing for Megumi to breathe properly again. With her newfound air, she let out a happy laugh, throwing her arms into the air. “I did it!” she shouted.

Still letting out giggles, Megumi sat back down in the middle of the gym floor before her legs actually did collapse underneath her.

* * *

“My name is Kaizuto Megumi from Class 1-A. I will be your assistant manager, so please come to me with anything that you may need. Let’s work hard together from now on!”

And, bow. Behind her bangs, Megumi allowed herself a small smile as the voices of the Rakuzan High School Basketball Club members echoed the last of her words in response. She had practiced the introduction—several times out loud at home the night before, almost every second internally throughout the school day—and it had come out well. Finally standing, Megumi met their gaze, only to avert her eyes a second later.

_Ah, there’s so many of them. Plus they’re just as intense as I remember, if not more! Still, I said I would do this, so I can’t back down now. I may not know exactly what I’m doing yet, but I’m not going to give up just because I’m scared._

Because she had decided that this was a place that she wanted to belong, no matter what.

“Alright, Akashi, Mibuchi, and Higuchi, stay up here for a few minutes. The rest of you, do your warm-up exercises until ordered otherwise,” Shirogane said. No one moved a muscle until he blew a short note on his whistle, and then the room was filled with noise and activity within seconds.

They were nothing less than a well-oiled machine, or even something that surpassed that. Megumi forced herself to look away. If this was going to be a part of her life from now on, she couldn’t stare in awe all the time.

“Okay, you three, this goes without saying, but as Kaizuto has joined this team, she is to be treated like every other member,” Shirogane continued, and Megumi turned her focus to the trio of boys that had stayed behind. There was a boy a bit taller than her with light brown hair, a taller one that towered over even the coach with his black hair meeting his shoulders, and, somehow managing to look regal in even a sweatshirt and shorts, Akashi. “Higuchi, since she’s working under you, you will take the majority of the responsibility for her training. However, as Captain and Vice-Captain, I expect you to play your parts as well, is that understood?”

“_Yes, sir,_” the three boys chorused as Megumi felt herself reeling from a different feeling of overwhelming than before. _Captain and Vice-Captain?_ All this time she had been thinking that Akashi would be somewhat of her equal, but he was really that much above her? And as a first year at that?

“In that case, I’ll give you a few minutes to get acquainted. Just remember that the Inter-High finals are soon. You all may have gained a new responsibility, but anything other than victory should not be a possibility to any of you.” Shirogane matched gazes with each of the boys for a second, his eyes coming to a rest once they landed on Megumi. Not sure of what else to do, she nodded. “After you’re done here, resume club duties as normal,” the coach concluded before walking off to where a group of boys was engaged in sprints across the gym floor.

The brown-haired boy was the first to speak up. “You already introduced yourself, so there’s no need to repeat it,” he said, “so I’ll go first. I am Higuchi Shota, Class 3-A, the club’s manager. You’ll be working close to me until you get the hang of things, but it will be better if you pick up things quickly so we can be more efficient. I look forward to working with you.” He almost sounded like he was reciting things out of a text book, ducking his head in a short bow before straightening.

“Mibuchi Reo,” the black haired boy said, sounding bored. He wasn’t even looking at her, either. “Class 2-A, Vice-Captain.”

Megumi stopped feeling offended and instead settled on shock. There was no sense being upset by it when the world wasn’t going to take things easy on her just because she had decided to join a club. If Mibuchi didn’t like her, that was it. However, there was something more important for Megumi to focus on at the moment, the pieces sliding together inside her mind.

“Akashi Seijuro, Class 1-A,” the redhead said, an unreadable expression on his features as he looked Megumi in the eye. Out of habit, she tried to look away, but realized she couldn’t. “I am the club’s captain. I am also absolute. Victory is a given, but I will not tolerate any potential interference to that end. If your performance isn’t satisfactory, I will have you removed from this club, despite your circumstances. Is that understood, Megumi?”

For the first time, he was properly speaking to her. That had been the sort of thing Megumi had been aiming for, but it hardly even felt like he was acknowledging her, even with the use of her given name. The referral held no intimacy or disrespect to it, just like it as natural for Akashi Seijuro to refer to her in such a way.

Even more so, it was a warning. It felt like a threat. Somehow, he already knew about the reasons for Megumi’s admittance into the club as well. That meant he knew what sort of situation she would be in if she were kicked out, and he didn’t care since it was a means of assuring his victory.

Higuchi and Mibuchi didn’t even seem to blink, meaning that they were used to this sort of behavior.

_I think I’ve gotten way in over my head._

Still, Megumi realized what it was that she wanted to do, and she didn’t want to lose it. Willing all of her confidence to come forward, she imbued it into her next words.

“I will try my best, Captain.”


	5. 5—Within Proximity II

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

5—Within Proximity II

* * *

_This breeze, carrying the ends of spring, feels as if it belongs to somewhere distant._

* * *

The first day, Megumi didn’t do much other than play gopher. Higuchi gave her a few pointers to start off with—pointing out which gyms belonged to which string, giving her a verbal list of the upcoming matches that the club was going to participate in (she managed to memorize at least half of them, at the very least), and, finally, that it didn’t matter what anyone else did, if Akashi Seijuro ordered something, it would be in her best interest to obey. After that, Higuchi left to talk to Shirogane, leaving Megumi with the instruction to check up on and restock the water bottle and towel supply for the rest of practice.

It was boring work, but Megumi could handle it. Given that the idea of joining the Basketball Club had only been a wistful daydream to start out with, she didn’t have any expectations, other than being in the same club as Akashi. It was also work that didn’t take much brain power, so she could think about other things as she did it.

_I guess I don’t know much about sports hierarchy, but isn’t having a first year as captain very unusual? I mean, wouldn’t they pick the captain before the year even ends? How’d he manage to do that?_

It was a question Megumi couldn’t get a concrete answer to without asking, but she still thought she knew.

_If Akashi-kun is the type of person I think he is…he really wouldn’t take no for an answer._

Since there were so many club members split up between three gyms, Megumi had worked up her own sweat after the few hours for practice were up. The club members slowly dispersed, but Higuchi held her back, tossing a towel in her direction.

“You should probably start bringing an extra set of clothes,” he said, gathering up the towels into laundry bags. The club had enough money to send them off to Laundromats with every practice, so it wasn’t like getting them clean in time would be a problem. “At least change into your gym clothes.” Megumi nodded. “Practice on Thursday. Don’t forget.”

And Higuchi slung the bag of towels over his shoulder, leaving Megumi with the final cluster of water bottles to be set in the storage room.

* * *

Megumi waited until the foot traffic of other students finishing their club activities thinned out before heading home herself. It was such a habit at that point that she didn’t even consider asking someone to walk with her. There was no guarantee that anyone in the Basketball Club lived in the same area as her, but someone probably went to the same station she did, maybe even rode the same train. She didn’t know anyone well enough yet to be comfortable asking, and it was too late to do so anyway.

She walked alone.

It wasn’t too much of a bother since she had gotten used to it. Still, she wasn’t so used to walking home this far into the evening, even as other club-goers wandered their way out of the school as well. It was strange to think this would be her new routine.

Megumi actually giggled to herself. _A new routine._ Something different. She had come to Rakuzan to change, and she had somehow actually managed to make progress.

_Maybe I’m not so hopeless after all._

* * *

Her newfound confidence managed to follow through to the next day, which was an additional miracle in itself. Though partially distracted by Akashi’s presence in front of her, he seemed to have little to no interest in the fact that his new team manager had a seat behind him, which made it a bit easier to focus on classes. Knowing that now having a club wouldn’t be considered an excuse for her grades slipping, Megumi managed to take to her lessons diligently.

Lunchtime rolled around, and Akashi disappeared before Megumi could even begin to contemplate asking to each lunch with him. When several minutes passed without the boy returning, she concluded that he had gone to the cafeteria and unpacked her bento across her desk. With a dismissive attitude like that, there was no guarantee Akashi would let her sit with him, and even if he would, spending that much time in the cafeteria went a bit beyond even her new threshold.

This time, no fragments of conversation caught her ear, which was just fine. Eavesdropping wasn’t a habit she intended to make a habit of. Instead, she focused her thoughts on the Basketball Club. Even though she had gained a position as manager, Megumi wasn’t sure what all she would be doing. Obviously Higuchi had let her handle minor errands, but there had to be something more she could do…

With a start, Megumi realized she actually had no idea how a club functioned, her chopsticks slipping and dropping a cluster of vegetables back into her bento. In elementary school it had been easier on her mother to just go home all the time, and by the time middle school had rolled around, it was out of the question. The Rakuzan Basketball Club was actually her first experience of the sort.

_I really am the worst, huh?_ Megumi clutched her chopsticks together, forgetting that she was supposed to be eating. _Man, Yamada-senpai sure did a number on me. Making me think I had a chance at this._

She wasn’t sure how long she stared into space, but it had to have been at least a couple minutes before Megumi blinked, bringing her lunch into focus. It was too late to back out of this now. Shirogane had already taken her club application, and Higuchi had pretty much implied that if Megumi missed out on Thursday, she was through. No matter how hard it was, she couldn’t afford to screw this up.

_Then I just need to look into it so I don’t make a complete fool of myself on Thursday. I guess I could try and research clubs, but that doesn’t seem like a very effective source._ Megumi stopped chewing on her lip, trying to preoccupy her teeth with a mouthful of rice. School clubs were supposed to be common knowledge; why would there even be a book on them? _No, talking to someone is definitely the best shot._

But Akashi wouldn’t even do much as glance in her direction. _And Mibuchi-senpai definitely doesn’t like me. And Higuchi-senpai is probably too busy with university prep to even think about wasting his Wednesday on me._ There wasn’t anyone else to turn to, not when she didn’t have any prior connections.

_No, that’s wrong._

Megumi audibly groaned, biting into the tips of her chopsticks. There was someone she had spoken to, someone that could probably help. Even if there was a difference between a culture and a sports club, the concept would still be the same. And Megumi had no right to back out, not when she had promised to do her best.

_Gobu-chan it is._

* * *

A bundle of anxiety started to form in Megumi’s stomach as she approached the cultural club building, and she had to take a few moments to stare at the sky and remember to breathe. She hadn’t seen a cloud all day, and the bright blue calmed her frazzled nerves. Once the pressure started to ease out from her abdomen, Megumi clenched her fist and marched directly up the stairs to the second floor.

She still felt a bit dizzy, but managed to find the Go Club’s room, door shut tight. Inside was the light chatter of students, and the open hall windows let in a faint breeze. At the rate the weather was going, it wouldn’t be long before they were allowed into their summer uniforms. For once, Megumi wouldn’t have to make up excuses for still wearing long sleeves.

Anxiety kicked back in, nearly sending bile up Megumi’s throat. She slapped one hand to her mouth, the other to the door for balance, desperately looking back out the window. Most of the view was taken up by the other end of the clubs building, but a sliver of sky was visible. _Come on, come on, come _on_,_ she implored herself. _Don’t do this now, not when you’re so close._

“Um, hey, you feeling alright?” Megumi snapped to attention, her legs shaking under the sudden trust of her body weight. Again, the urge to run was strong, but Megumi didn’t think she’d make it down the stairs without incident. In front of her was the Go Club member from the other day, hair pulled back into braids and a bag of vending machine drinks at her side. “Oh, you’re the girl from last week…!”

Dread and embarrassment blended together, and Megumi had to lean back on the wall to stay steady. Of course she would be recognizable after all that. “Sorry…I didn’t mean to be in the way,” she managed to breathe out, still not able to process air properly. “And last week I…”

“No worries,” Gobu interrupted, flapping her free hand, almost like she was shooing away a fly. “I’ve got a cousin who goes through a lot of similar stuff.” She put on a smile, and it somehow managed to come across as reassuring. “I’m guessing you’re here to talk? Do you want to go outside? Or an empty room?” Megumi shook her head. “Wherever you’re comfortable, okay?”

Megumi took a few more breaths, trying to move her gaze from the floor. She wasn’t able to achieve eye contact, but came close enough. “I joined the Basketball Club yesterday,” she said, reminding herself it was okay to feel proud at the accomplishment. “I’ve actually just…never been in a club before and wasn’t sure what to expect.” She couldn’t find the right words to explain why she was asking a practical stranger for advice, but Gobu didn’t seem to mind.

“The Basketball Club, huh?” the other girl mused, braid in hand, the tip brushing over her lips. “Well, I stopped doing sports a while ago, but if you want to talk about clubs, I can kind of help with that. Just gimme a sec.” She turned, walking towards Megumi, but ended up opening the door instead. “Hey, I got a friend who needs help. Here’s your drinks!”

There was a muffled chorus of responses, and Megumi wrung her hands together. The word friend didn’t register until Gobu was back in the hallway, offering out several drink cartons. “I bought plenty, so you’re free to have one,” she said.

Megumi accepted the fruit milk, her grip finally steady as she twisted off the cap. “Thank you,” she said, not sure what else to add. “Um, I really just wasn’t sure what I should be doing as a manager, so…”

“Manager, huh?” Gobu grinned, and Megumi mimicked the expression. Considering how last minute things had been, she had done pretty well for herself. “Well, I’m just a regular member, so I don’t know how much help I can be. But, wait, first things first!” Gobu dug into her pocket, pulling out a bunch of charms that somehow had a phone attached to the end. “Let’s trade email addresses! That way if you think of anything you wanna ask, you can just message me.”

“Uh, oh, I—”

“Ah, I guess I should introduce myself first! I’m Yoshida Choukou, from class 1-B! Taurus, blood type B! I hope he can be good friends…whoops, totally forgot to ask for your name. Sorry ‘bout that.”

“K-Kaizuto Megumi, 1-A—”

“Whoa, 1-A, that’s _super_ cool. And you’re in the same grade as me! But, right, this was about your address, you know, if you’re ever up for a chat. Or anything. Oh, wait, sorry, this was supposed to be about your club—”

“_Choukou,_” a voice interrupted, and Megumi wasn’t sure whether to feel panicked at the presence of the newcomer, or relieved that the torrent of words had stopped. “Some people are trying to play shogi here, so if you _don’t mind._”

Choukou faked a grimace, sticking out her tongue in the process. “Whoops, busted~.”

Exiting the next door over was a boy, shorter than Choukou, and even falling under Megumi’s own unimpressive height. That didn’t make the glare he tossed in Choukou’s direction any less intimidating, even if it was shortly replaced by an exasperated expression. “Sorry about that. My cousin here doesn’t know when to shut her mouth.”

“No, it’s okay,” Megumi answered, just to fill the silence. “Um, I’m sorry, but you are…?”

“Oh, this is Kenta,” Choukou flawlessly interrupted, earning another glare from her supposed cousin. “He’s the guy from the Shogi Club I mentioned before.” Even without the reminder, Megumi had remembered the name. “Actually, this guy’s the treasurer, so he might be better to tell you about what it’s like to be in charge of a club. I’m just a rookie here.”

Megumi tilted her head, trying to size up the boy. He looked smaller, but he definitely spoke with a decent amount of authority. Then again, Akashi spoke with a ridiculous amount of authority for a first year, but Kenta didn’t give off the same vibe. Actually, Megumi had never met anyone that gave off a vibe quite like Akashi’s. “I’m sorry, but you’re a senpai, correct?” she managed to ask, realizing after the fact just how poor of a choice her words were.

Choukou’s burst into giggles a few moments later only accentuated the fact, and Megumi thought she saw Kenta’s neck begin to tint red, and scrambled to apologize: “No, sorry, I really didn’t mean to—”

“No worries,” Kenta said, his voice only the tiniest bit strained. Choukou continued to snicker, failing to stifle the sound in the slurp off her juice box’s straw. “I’m actually kind of used to that by now. I guess I’m not gonna get taller anytime soon.” He shrugged, rolling his shoulder in the process. “Though I don’t know what sort of help you could need from a lowly treasurer, but I’ll do my best.” He glanced at his wrist, checking a watch that looked like it was worth more than Megumi’s apartment. “Actually, we shouldn’t be interrupting meetings like this. I left my partner hanging, you see.”

“Bah, you’re no good at Shogi anyway,” Choukou dismissed. Kenta only sighed. “But he’s right, I was in the middle of a pretty good game.” She gave an apologetic smile, and Megumi was reminded she was a stranger here. “We can hang out after the meeting if you like. Oh, you know how to play Shogi, right? Maybe you could teach Kenta some proper skills.”

Megumi stiffened again, her shoulders refusing to relax even the slightest amount. A group of strangers, and unfamiliar club room, and Shogi. It just wasn’t happening. Even the alternative with Go wasn’t that favorable. The pair of cousins exchanged glances, Kenta nodding afterwards. It was a sort of family understanding that Megumi could never be a part of.

“Or you could go home and rest,” he offered, and Megumi’s breath burst of her lungs like water rushing out of a damn. “Do you have time tomorrow, maybe? We could pick up something to eat after school.”

“Practice,” Megumi breathed, not able to connect any other words to it.

Choukou playfully whacked at Kenta’s arm. “She’s a basketball manager; she can’t just skip out,” the girl reprimanded, even though her cousin hadn’t been present for that stage of the conversation. “Do you wanna trade mail addresses, though? At the very least you can let us know when you’re free. Or just spam this guy with questions.” She poked at Kenta’s arm with both hands, dangerously close to the area she had just hit.

“No, that’s just you,” Kenta said, batting Choukou’s hands away and stealing her juice box in the process. Choukou pouted but didn’t move to reclaim her drink. Kenta took a sip before looking back to Megumi. “I’m serious here: if you ever want _any_ peace of mind, you will not give this one your mail. Trust me.”

Choukou rolled her eyes, and Megumi wasn’t sure what to think. They were just so relaxed around each other. Further, they hadn’t turned any antagonism on her. Maybe cousins were more peaceful than siblings. “Ignore him,” Choukou insisted. “Come on, at least take mine in case you ever need anything.”

In the end, Megumi left the Culture Clubs building with both of their addresses. Even if it wasn’t what she had originally came for, it was still something.

* * *

Megumi’s phone had more mails than she had ever seen at once by the time she got home, and that took less than half an hour.

Choukou: Hey there, Megu-chan! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))  
Choukou: Me-chan? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)  
Choukou: Ah, I can’t decide! へ[ ᴼ ▃ ᴼ ]_/¯  
Choukou: What do you think? 【・_・?】  
Choukou: Wait, you can totally give me a nickname, too! That’ll be awesome! （*´▽｀*）  
Choukou: But, hey, like, we should definitely go out and get some ice cream or something if you wanna after practice tomorrow! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

“So many,” Megumi mumbled, thumb hovering over the keys. Just which part was she supposed to even reply to first? Go in order? Only answer the last one? At least in text, Choukou’s torrent of words didn’t seem so intimidating. Megumi had never really believed in the blood type theory, but Choukou certainly matched well with hers. While she was trying to think of the correct response, her phone buzzed against her palm.

Kenta: Again, sorry about letting Choukou get to your phone, Sure she’s made a mess by now, In any event, I can’t reply as quickly, but if you had any questions about your club, I’d be glad to try and answer them. Just hit me up when you can.

Well, that was easier to handle at the very least. Megumi slowly typed out her thanks and an opening question, then set her phone on the table. That would be enough for now. The rest could wait until after dinner.


	6. 6—Within Proximity III

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

6—Within Proximity III

* * *

_Even covered in clouds, the sky seems so opaque_

* * *

Megumi’s second practice with the Rakuzan Basketball Club went much the same as her first, minus the requirement of a group introduction. She had also brought a change of clothes, which she found herself grateful for. The temperature was steadily creeping upwards, and the activity of several athletic boys working up a sweat only made the gymnasium hotter. Even though Megumi was only running around sports bottles and towels, perspiration still trickled from her hairline straight down her back.

Midway to the empty girls’ locker room to change after cleanup, Higuchi stopped her. While not as out of breath as Megumi, sweat glistened across his brow in the fluorescent lights. He lifted up a large, pale blue binder, and Megumi instinctively held out her hands to receive it. Several centimeters thick and nearly full, Megumi almost doubled over from its weight.

The front cover held a piece of paper, the characters in plain black font:

**Rakuzan Boys’ Basketball Club  
Member Roster and Data**

_I knew there was a lot of them, but I didn’t think…_ Not all of the team practiced in the same gym, and Megumi had had difficulty speaking during her introduction, let alone getting an accurate grasp of the crowd in front of her. Based on the size of the binder alone, it wouldn’t be out of line to estimate at least one-hundred members in the club.

_I actually introduced myself to that many people?_ Megumi couldn’t tell whether to be dizzy or elated.

“I should have given this to you last time, but I didn’t have time to make the copies,” Higuchi said, dragging Megumi’s attention back into focus. Had he really paid to make this massive booklet by himself? “You’re still just beginner, but a manager is much more than a water boy. Yes, it’s important, but you need to be able to do absolutely everything you can for your team.” He pointed to the volume in Megumi’s hands. “It starts with that.”

Megumi tightened her grip on the binder, her sweaty palms slipping against the plastic covering. “Alright. What do you need me to do with this?”

“Memorize it.”

_Wh-what already?_

“You can start with the first and second string members.” Megumi tried not to make her relief too obvious. “But if you’re serious about staying a part of this club for the long run, you are going to have to learn all the members,” Higuchi said as if it was only natural. Megumi couldn’t really argue with it. And then, without prompting: “I agree with Akashi.”

“I’m sorry, Senpai?”

Higuchi grimaced a little, actually avoiding eye contact for a moment. As someone who often said things that they regretted, Megumi knew exactly what he was feeling. “Listen, I’m not saying this to be rude.” Megumi clutched the member register to her chest in defense. “But at this point you’re like a probationary member. Akashi understands you’re kind of a special case, but he expects the best. We all do. We haven’t won the Winter Cup three straight years in a row through special circumstances.”

Megumi’s tongue suctioned to the roof of her bone dry mouth and refused to move.

“You need to earn your keep, that’s all I’m saying. At the very, _very _least you need to be able to recognize all out members on sight, and you should be able to consider their strengths and weaknesses with reference and research. You also need to be able to deal with comparative data from other teams alongside scouting our opponents. Eventually, you might be the one sitting on the bench by yourself. If getting to that point is what you want, I suggest you start now.”

It seemed Megumi couldn’t escape lectures lately: first from Yamada-sensei, now Higuchi-senpai. Every time she took a step forward, something else appeared in her way to complicate things. These were the sort of events that discouraged Megumi before, kept her from ever thinking of trying. But here, at this place, in this gymnasium, she knew it wasn’t the same as before.

“Higuchi-senpai, I think you’re misunderstanding something.”

With an even gaze, Higuchi allowed her to speak.

“I already understand that I haven’t just been given a free pass. In fact, this situation isn’t entirely one of my choosing.” Without Yamada-sensei’s push, Megumi wouldn’t have gotten to this point in her first trimester of high school, and she knew it. “However, after being put into this position, I plan to keep it, no matter the effort it takes. I intend to put in the effort necessary.” Megumi adjusted her grip once again on the binder, not backing off from its weight. “If you’ll give me a series of checkpoints, I’ll happily work to bring my skills up to the appropriate level.

“Higuchi-senpai, you introduced yourself as a third-year, correct?”

“Yes,” Higuchi said with an air that implied someone who couldn’t remember that much didn’t deserve to stand in the position of a potential manager.

“Then I think that your dedication to the club is admirable. Even though there are probably plenty of other suitable candidates, you’re taking the effort to make sure someone like me has the ability to take care of things after graduation. I think…that I’d like to become as reliable as you someday.”

“Kaizuto.”

“Ah.” Megumi hunched her shoulders in, hoping to appear smaller than usual. “I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries.” Why did her mouth always go off when it was most likely to get her in trouble? “Please forgive—”

Higuchi turned on his heel, his expression flickering in discomfort. “I’ll think of a suitable learning regimen for you,” he said, heading into the boy’s locker room. Megumi stood frozen, trying to properly reset her heartrate. Higuchi stuck his head back out the entryway, and Megumi yelped. “Try not to think so hard in front of the others, got it?”

“Understood!”

* * *

“You guys really didn’t have to wait around for me so long,” Megumi said for probably the fifth time before pressing a spoon of strawberry coated soft serve into her mouth. She had plenty of unused allowance lying around, so this indulgence wasn’t any pressure on her budget. Across from her, Kenta slurped his way through a fudge-coated cone while Choukou sized up a parfait easily the size of her head. Both treats had been funded by the older cousin’s wallet.

“Like I told ya, we just worked on homework in the library. ‘S not a big deal.” Choukou licked her lips and skewered the top of the parfait. Her spoon came back heaping in colorful bits of fruit before Choukou swallowed the bite whole. “Ah, this is worth waitin’ on anyway! Plus your club activities run on Saturdays, too, so this is the best way to do it.”

Megumi wasn’t sure about the accuracy of that statement, but arguing wouldn’t do any good. Choukou had easily imposed her will concerning their meet-up via text, and no hadn’t been an answer. At least in this instance Megumi had been willing to go along. She still wasn’t sure just what she was supposed to say, but she had always wanted to try hanging out with other people, even if it made her insides bristle a bit.

“Choukou, output speed,” Kenta scolded, licking up a stray drizzle off the side of his cone. “You don’t wanna overload Kaizuto-san, now do you?”

Megumi tried to ignore the heat in her cheeks at the defense. _Definitely not used to that._

Choukou clapped her hands together, though she was hardly visible behind her desert. “My bad, Me-chan. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut sometimes.” As if to illustrate her point, she inhaled the next portion of her desert without hesitation.

“You don’t have to say you’re okay with it, either,” Kenta added, which was exactly what Megumi had been aiming to say. The boy smiled. “I know it’s not easy, but you can tell her when she needs to shut up. She’ll take it like a good sport. She’s used to it.”

Choukou grimaced. “Kenta, you’re being so mean. How many games did you lose at club yesterday?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Sore loser, sore loser!”

Megumi giggled against her will. When the Yoshida cousins’ eyes turned to her, Megumi shot her gaze downward. “Sorry,” she breathed. “You two are fun to listen to.” The usual tension in her stomach hadn’t surfaced at all; even her pulse was regular. Bickering could still put you at ease. This was how family relationships were supposed to be. “Ah, I mean…”

A grin cracked Choukou’s face in half and she threw her arms into the air. “We made Me-chan laugh!”

“High-five,” Kenta cheered, mirroring his cousin’s movements. They did their best to complete the motion, even if cone and spoon got in the way, and Choukou licked a few drizzles of melted fudge off her palm in the aftermath. Kenta gave another smile to Megumi’s confused expression. “Sorry, we were worried you actually didn’t feel comfortable with us yet, considering.”

“So we’re glad you’re at least a little okay with us,” Choukou continued. Saliva hadn’t quite done the job, and she rubbed a napkin against her hand. “Everyone deserves a nice space to relax. So if we can do that for you, it’s a job well done.”

Megumi wasn’t sure what she could say about that. No one had taken an interest in her well-being like this before. Yamada-sensei, with her professional and out-come based interest, didn’t count. With a single working mom, Megumi hadn’t gotten much in the way of parenting. Or helpful family life in general.

Trying to ignore the sense of nausea, Megumi set down her spoon and looked out the window. The row of buildings on the opposite end of the street locked out the view of the sky, and the amount of people didn’t help her nerves either. Megumi silently checked to make sure her collar was buttoned and her jacket sleeves were steady at her wrists.

Chatter from other tables at the café filled her ears until Kenta cleared his throat. “But you probably wanted to ask more about club stuff,” he said. Megumi nodded. The present moment was always the best distraction. “Especially with that thing.”

Beside her half-eaten sundae sat the Basketball Club binder. Having been too big to fit in her school bag, Megumi had hauled it there by hand. She’d have to break it in smaller sections if she wanted to carry it around for study. Higuchi had probably prioritized delivery over practicality.

“You guys have a lot of members, huh?” Chouko peered at the binder as she slipped another fruit laden spoon into her mouth. “My middle school team didn’t have nearly as many members as all that.”

“Well, it’s mostly data…” Megumi flipped open the cover and thumbed through the pages. Beyond generic member info were a number of estimated stats and possible training regimens, and at least each member had three pages a piece, though the upperclassmen easily had more. Megumi pushed the binder across to Choukou before the urge to find Akashi’s page won out. “You played sports, though? Basketball?”

Choukou tossed a stray lock of hair back over her shoulder. “Nah, track.” She clinked her spoon against the parfait dish. “Managed to bust my leg so I had to drop out. Which is fine; I like playing go a lot better anyways.”

“A-ah…”

“I wonder if our managers ever had to deal with this stuff, though.” Choukou flipped through the register’s pages without really reading them. “Seems like a lot of things that _could_ be useful, but you don’t know when you’re gonna need them. Too bad that with this many members keeping a book like this around really wouldn’t do you much good.”

“We don’t really deal with this sort of stuff in the Shogi Club,” Kenta added. “We all play each other so we know our skill levels pretty good, and tournaments work on an individual, not team basis.” Megumi nodded. “Plus I’m Treasurer, so I mostly focus on figuring out our travel funds and new boards and stuff. Ah, budget requests are in a few weeks…”

Megumi balked. “If I’m taking up your time, Senpai—”

Kenta waved the concern off, polishing off his cone at the same time. The scent of strawberries no longer upsetting her stomach, Megumi focused back in on eating her now half-melted treat. “I have all the papers done, I just gotta present to the Student Council. This isn’t my first go round with this sort of stuff.”

“Besides, everything’s pretty well funded here. The Go Club has no trouble with getting our budgets through,” Choukou remarked, glancing back to the binder. “Man, I wonder how much money you guys get. I mean, you’re a national level team and you have all these members. But your numbers are wild.”

Megumi let out a nervous laugh that warbled in the middle. “I think I’d rather stay far away from that…” Higuchi hadn’t slipped any budget forms into that stack of paper had he? “That sort of stuff is way over my head…”

“Well, it’s not like that’s Me-chan’s job anyways.”

Thank goodness for that.

“But this binder’s nuts,” Choukou continued, giving up on skimming its contents and offering it to Kenta. He shook his head, and the girl flipped the cover shut. “I know you’re in Class 1-A and all, but can you really learn all this? I mean, they don’t really expect you to memorize the whole thing do they?”

Megumi bit her lip, and Kenta nudged Choukou in the side. She nearly lost her latest spoonful of ice cream and glared. Megumi pulled the binder back towards her, trying to ignore the weight under her fingertips. Yes, it was large, and, yes, it was filled with mostly trivial information, but Higuchi had claimed it her duty as a manager to take care of.

And Akashi thought the same.

“Actually, I’m not too worried about it.”

The Yoshida cousins froze, Choukou pausing mid poke at Kenta’s arm. Megumi hadn’t even noticed them beginning to shove at each other. Choukou smoothed out part of her hair and wait back to her parfait as Kenta cleared his throat. “You’re not, Kaizuto-san?”

Megumi shook her head, enjoying the sway of her ponytail against the back of her neck. A smile managed to creep onto her lips. “I really don’t have much talent sports-wise, but I’m good at information. Sure, this might take a bit, but I should be able to get everyone’s names and basics down in a couple of weeks. I just have to add it to my study regimen and try to get names right at practice. I don’t know much about scouting, but I think I can learn. That’s information again, so once I figure out what sort of data patterns I’m trying to predict, that should be a good start. Hm, maybe I should try to pick up some books on the way home…”

Choukou leaned close to Kenta and stage-whispered, “Class 1-A kids are a whole other level.”

“Are you trying to poke fun at me for only making it into 2-B?” he hissed back.

“Ah, but you guys don’t have to help me with that stuff,” Megumi said, trying to keep the conversation on track. Her ice cream was almost a puddle of soft serve bleeding topping at this point. “Though maybe you could help me bounce off a couple of ideas here and there? Just so I can practice.”

Kenta smiled, ignoring the clattering of Choukou’s spoon hitting the bottom of her parfait dish. “I don’t mind, of course. If you have any questions, just ask me, and I’ll do my best,” he said. Megumi nodded, resisting the urge to drink the rest of her sundae and worked on spooning it towards her mouth. “But if you don’t mind me asking, Kaizuto-san, you mentioned you were pretty much an amateur while we were texting last night. Do you know anything about basketball?”

_Ah._

Megumi froze.

_I really am no good at thinking, am I?_

The Basketball Club hadn’t mattered if it was basketball. Being a manager hadn’t been because she had the skills. Membership had even become less about getting Yamada-sensei off her back. In the end, Megumi had followed her whims, her one trail of connection, and had aimed to be in the same club as Akashi, regardless of what that involved.

_Because I followed after him like an idiot…_

“Me-chan?”

Megumi stood up, not even bothering to finish her ice cream. She kept her head down. Without looking to the Yoshida cousins, Megumi snatched up her schoolbag, hefting the club binder under her arm. “Sorry,” she said. “I need to do some extra studying so I should go.”

“We can walk home with you,” Kenta hastily offered, trying to untangle his jacket sleeve from his backpack. “Or at least to the station. Which line do you use anyway?”

“I’m gonna stop by a few places. No need to bother yourselves.”

“Me-chan, wait!” Choukou protested, even though Megumi was already fleeing to the door. “Sorry if we scared you! You can mail me later, alright? Promise you’ll mail—”

The café door jangled as Megumi stepped onto the street, trying not to gasp for air. She strode down the street, remembering a line of stores on her way there. While it wouldn’t make the most exciting reading, she needed to learn as much as she could about the sport, and fast. She was honestly shocked that Higuchi hadn’t brought it up before. Maybe he didn’t think that Megumi would be as stupid to join a club she knew nothing about.

_Well, surprise is on you. I’m the master of getting myself into situations I can’t handle._

Stopping at a crosswalk, Megumi peered up at the sky. In the line between buildings was nothing but cloud, not a single blue speck in sight. Pure white covered her vision, and humidity started to prickle under her collar. The signal sounded, and Megumi rushed across the street, finding the bookstore a few blocks later. It would be better on her budget to maybe loan some books from the library, but on short notice, this would work. She would need to have a permanent reference around anyways.

_This scenario, this state of panic…_

Megumi ran her finger across book spines, trying to find a suitable title.

_I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to be as reliable as Higuchi-senpai is. And I’ll never be able to stand by Akashi-kun as equals._

Finding the basketball section, Megumi compared titles and summaries, hoping to find something that would help out even her amateur level.

_But at the very least, I want to get as close to that as I possibly can!_

Lugging three books alongside her backpack and binder, Megumi headed home, wondering just how much reading she could schedule in between homework and dinner.


	7. 7—Classroom II

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

7—Classroom II

* * *

_The horizon, vast and stretching outward, lets us see the future_

* * *

Megumi turned a page in her basketball instruction manual while shoveling rice into her mouth with the other. In the interest of not losing any time, she had stayed in the classroom for lunch. Her bento sat on one corner of the desk, the book she was reading from propped up by the others she had bought the evening before. Off to the side were the first-string basketball members’ basic data pages, along with her notebook setting open, pencil at the ready in case she needed to jot down something important.

Leaning the member’s names was a simple memorization game, so she only needed to review them on a regular basis to let the information stick in her long term memory. The rulebooks, on the other hand, required time to study in the first place, and even Megumi couldn’t read fast enough. She was still on the first volume, but without practice that afternoon she had blocked out most of her evening to at least get through that, if not start on the second.

She had been so preoccupied with her studies she didn’t even notice the figure above her until they cleared their throat.

“Megumi.”

That referral could come from one sole person, and Megumi snapped to attention in her seat. Her chopsticks clattered from her hands, empty, but she didn’t dare to pick them up. Instead she focused on Akashi above her, the first time they had spoken since their introductions at the first practice.

“Can I help you with something?” She couldn’t decide whether to call him _Captain_ or _Akashi-kun_—which was more appropriate for outside of practice? Did it matter? Would he be upset if she gave the wrong answer?—so she left the referral off. Curiosity kept her nerves steady, considering Akashi had already left the classroom once again at the beginning of the lunch period.

Akashi’s mismatched eyes flicked over her desk, and Megumi’s cheeks flushed. She had been hoping not to let him know her incompetence with their club material, but she couldn’t waste any time to study, either. That’s why she had chosen _lunchtime_ since the redheaded boy would be gone.

“You didn’t even know the basics before you decided to join,” he stated, not even phrasing it as a question to be polite. Megumi’s mortification grew, her eyes shooting down to her desk in shame. She wanted to run away, but Akashi’s sheer presence stopped her from the retreat. “I already told you I will not accept ineptitude. Being part of the team requires proper contribution.”

“I’m trying,” she snapped, glaring up at her captain. Anger rolled in her guts and clenched her fists into her skirt. “If you’ve just come to berate me, I’d rather you go away so I can do something useful with my time.”

The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them, and by the time she finished speaking, mortification stood as the sole emotion at attention. She was scared of Akashi, scared of his presence, scared of his influence over her current situation when all she wanted to do was stand on her own. But even beyond that, something about him made her angry, like he was prodding wounds she couldn’t stand to have exposed on anything but her own terms.

_He’s right. I’m inept and I can’t contribute to anything. I’m unsuited and unprepared for this._

_So why do I want to fight him?_

“I came because Yamada asked me to send you to her office,” Akashi said, not even bothering to give the counselor a term of respect. Megumi couldn’t tell why Akashi had been chosen—because he was part of the same club as her now? It didn’t matter. The hurdle of entering Yamada’s territory again set just another obstacle in her path. “There’s still time left in the lunch period, but you should head down soon. You wouldn’t want to be late for class again.”

Megumi fumed at the reminder, but she focused on tidying up her desk instead. Her empty bento was closed, her reference books tucked into her bag, the papers and notebook back in her desk. Megumi kept her thermos in hand as she stood up, not wanting to get another dose of Yamada’s bitter tea.

“Thank you for letting me know, Akashi-kun,” she said, keeping her tone as polite and even as she could muster. She didn’t have the courage to drop all respect the way Akashi did, but she at the least wouldn’t refer to him by the respectful title of _Captain_—not when he was like this. Megumi dipped a small bow in his direction as she stood and headed for the door. “I’ll be sure to be back in time for lessons.”

Holding her breath, Megumi managed to make it out of the classroom without wavering.

Getting to the bathroom first before breaking down into a panic attack was a different story.

* * *

Megumi wiped her eyes, dried off her face with a paper towel, and headed down to Yamada’s office. She hated crying in general, and she hated crying in public more. The lunch hour meant many other girls had come in and out of the restroom, but Megumi had secluded herself in one of the stalls without attracting attention. If nothing else, she knew how to keep her crying quiet.

Five minutes later than she would have liked (but also much, much sooner than she would have preferred at all), Yamada-sensei ushered Megumi into her office with enthusiasm. It seemed the woman was feeling perky today. In comparison to Choukou’s eccentric behavior, Megumi felt she could handle this without a sweat.

“Do sit down,” Yamada urged, and Megumi took her seat across the desk as if she had a choice in the matter. “Tea?” Megumi shook her thermos with an apologetic smile, and the counselor nodded before pouring a cup for herself. “I’m sorry for not getting in touch with you earlier in the week. Lots of third years have been asking for advice and recommendations lately, so my schedule’s been a bit tight.” Megumi couldn’t be surprised at how early everyone was acting. She had heard many of the third years on the team, Higuchi included, chatting about practice exams and cram schools. “But, that doesn’t change your good news, either. Congratulations on your club membership, Kaizuto-san.”

Yamada smiled in a way that made her neat lipstick shine. Megumi allowed herself a small smile of her own and said, “Thank you.”

Yamada nodded, sipping at her drink. Megumi unscrewed the lid of her thermos to keep herself busy. At the very least, it didn’t seem like the woman had noticed she’d been crying before coming to the meeting, but Megumi didn’t want to betray any signs of nervousness if she could help it.

_I’m strong and calm. I can handle this._

She didn’t feel the words, but she had to say them.

“Well since you’ve succeeded in finding a club, I figured we’d talk about the next step,” Yamada continued. Megumi had been content to let the woman get her spiel out, but now she just wanted to groan. Were they going to do this the whole school year? Her schedule was tight enough with the extra studying for her manager position—frequent counseling sessions would just eat up more time. “Have you been getting along with anyone? I understand that several Basketball Club members are in your class.”

Megumi racked her memory, but most first years were still in the lower strings. She hadn’t gotten that far in the members list yet. That added another task to her mental checklist, though there was one name she didn’t need to learn. Speaking of… “Is that why you sent Akashi-kun to ask me to come here?” she ventured.

“Oh, Akashi-kun is on the team, I hadn’t considered that.” Yamada paused for a moment as if to add the information to her memory. Megumi wasn’t sure how someone could forget a first year that had become captain of his team already. Maybe she had been overreacting? “I managed to catch sight of him and figured he’d be able to find you since he is your boys’ class representative.”

“A-ah.” _That_ information had slipped past Megumi. She had been too nervous in the first week of school to pay attention to much more than her lessons, let alone the representative selection. _Just how much does he have on his plate?_ _Does that boy even have time to breathe? _

Maybe, Megumi considered, if he didn’t stress himself out all the time he would be able to learn how to be a decent person.

Realizing continuing to talk about Akashi would pull the conversation into a disadvantageous territory for her, Megumi pulled back to Yamada’s initial question. “I did manage to meet some people when I was looking for a club. Yoshida Choukou and Kenta?” Yamada took in the names and nodded in recognition. “We’ve been talking a bit and they’re really considerate of…me.” She hadn’t explained to them her condition, but they acted in a way to keep her comfortable. She felt bad about making them go out of their way, but their presence was so relaxing she didn’t have the consideration to complain. “They’ve been helpful with helping me adjust to being in a club.”

“Ah, that’s wonderful.” Yamada seemed to have calmed down a bit, though she still look pleased. Megumi sipped at her sweet tea from home. She didn’t want to get too comfortable in this place, but it wasn’t good for her to be so on edge all the time. “Since you are making friends, I’ll let things take their natural course and not pry too much. Instead, I had something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“And t-that is?” Megumi failed to ask without stutter.

“As your mother agreed to when you enrolled, your previous counselor sent me your files.” Yamada had tried to deliver the words with as much gentle compassion as possible, but Megumi still felt like she had been kicked in the gut. Being a minor, there wasn’t much she could do about it from a legal standpoint—and it had been the only way to ease her mother’s worries about sending Megumi away for school.

That didn’t mean she had liked it. It had just been a necessary sacrifice.

Megumi went to tug her sleeves over her wrists before she remembered she was wearing her summer uniform. It took a lot more effort than she would have liked to check over her pale arms without making it obvious.

Yamada kept an even and sympathetic gaze as she continued. “I have to say, I’m impressed at the amount of progress you made in just a year of counseling,” she said, retrieving a file from the side of the desk. Megumi noticed the kanji for her name at the top and looked down. She didn’t want to see, didn’t want the reminder. “I know APD is a difficult disorder to live with, but you’ve made good strides in becoming more social. I’m proud of you for taking the steps you have.”

Still counting the threads in her uniform skirt, Megumi nodded.

“I’d like to help you further, but I think seeing a more specialized counselor would do you wonders,” Yamada said. “I understand it’s scary to start over with a new counselor, but the travel time is a bit much for you to go back home. I know you put a lot of effort into your studies, but have you taken the time to look for a new counselor in the area?”

Megumi considered lying—because she did _not_ want to be having this conversation, least of all with Yamada-sensei—but there would be no point. The woman would want to see more files and get in contact, things that Megumi had no way of faking. So she admitted that she hadn’t.

“It’s expensive even with insurance, and it’s hard enough supporting me in a separate home,” Megumi said at a near whisper. “Okaa-san supports us on her own. Onee-sama’s in university, but Onii-sama’s still at home since he went to high school closer.” A high school Megumi had refused to even test for. She hated putting the extra burden on her mother, but it was all she could have done to keep herself together.

“I see.” Yamada propped her chin aloft a hand, not so much as smudging her foundation. For someone who hadn’t ever gotten the chance to use makeup, Megumi still admired those who could. “I know you’re a dedicated girl, so normally I would suggest working yourself. But we don’t permit part-time jobs here, unless there are strenuous circumstances.”

In a school that prioritized the performance of its students, part-time jobs were considered a distraction to studies. Even if it had been allowed, the thought of getting into the work environment was too much for Megumi to handle, regardless of her improvements. Most jobs people her age could get involved interacting with a number of strangers.

Megumi shuddered in her seat and tried to think of less intimidating things. His words still burning into her mind, Akashi sprung to the forefront, which didn’t help.

Yamada watched Megumi for a few more careful moments. “Well, I can provide the basics, so don’t worry about the money.” As if that could encompass all of Megumi’s concerns. “Right now, you’re at a marked improvement above most people with the same amount of counseling. Unless you start to feel a major relapse, I should be able to help and keep you moving towards your goals. Have you felt any drawbacks to your old self lately?”

Now this, Megumi could lie about this. “I still get overwhelmed at times,” she said, starting with part of the truth. She knew Yamada couldn’t help unless Megumi was truthful, but, for all the woman’s good intentions, Megumi didn’t _trust_ her yet. Being here still made her afraid, made her feel the same as middle school and even before that. “I’ve gotten better at controlling the impulse to run, but I still need to step back sometimes.”

Except for when she had escaped from Choukou’s presence the first time. And her eyes still stung from crying in the restroom.

“But Choukou-san and Yoshida-senpai have helped,” she said, making sure to control the conversation in a positive direction. “I can relax around them. Not entirely, but enough.”

Yamada nodded, glancing back to Megumi’s file but not adding anything to it. Megumi had no idea how to read the counselor’s mind, and that made her more scared than anything. “And how do you feel with the Boys’ Basketball Club?”

Megumi couldn’t control her grimace. Akashi terrified and enraged her all at once, Mibuchi-senpai still hadn’t talked to her other than the occasional request for more water or towels, and Higuchi, while he seemed to take her outburst the day before well, still seemed unsure of how to handle her.

But those weren’t the kind of things Yamada could help with.

“While I’m there, I can focus on the work, so it’s easy not to get overwhelmed by everybody.” Though she would have to learn to speak to them as a team soon, Higuchi could handle that for now. “Higuchi-senpai’s still working out a regimen for me. I…still don’t know a lot about basketball, so I’ve got a lot to learn.”

Not to mention her study time had been interrupted. But as much as Megumi wanted to ask to get back to the classroom to get back to work, the words faltered before even reaching her tongue.

_You’re getting selfish, Megumi._

“That all sounds good to me, but I’m just an outside party.” Yamada-sensei smoothed out her hair and leaned forward. “How do _you_ feel about your progress, Kaizuto-san? Is it where you want to be?”

The question threw her off. She had thought about the answer a number of times, but speaking it out loud was a different matter. She had come to Rakuzan because she had wanted to become a new her; she had told Yamada as much in their first meeting. Had she changed? She still felt useless and unimportant, still felt like she was struggling to become someone stronger, someone reliable, like she had told Higuchi.

She wasn’t there. But she was fighting to get there. And that was something she would have never tried before.

“Not yet,” she said, but for once, Megumi didn’t feel sorry for herself. Yamada sipped at her tea again, allowing Megumi to continue. “I’m nowhere close to who I want to be.” She pictured Akashi’s confidence, Higuchi’s dedication, Choukou’s outgoingness, and even Kenta’s kindness. _I don’t think I’ll ever be able to become all those things, no matter what._ “But…I think I’m trying. And piece by piece I’ll get better, so…um…”

Her words faltered, as did the confidence that had fueled them. What little motivation she had was limited.

Yoshida nodded, folding her hands on the desk. She had gotten a new manicure since the last time Megumi had seen her, her nails now a pale pule.

_Like the sky._

“You’re right, Kaizuto-san,” Yamada agreed. “You are trying and you’re taking steps. As for your social activity, I think you should focus on your club duties for now, and the rest will come. And do be sure to keep up with Yoshida-san and Yoshida-kun, alright?” Megumi nodded. If anything, Choukou’s constant onslaught of mails would keep her from being alone. “As for the person you want to become, you should set goals, just like we did here. That starts with knowing the final outcome and taking it in steps. Do you have an image of yourself in mind?”

Without hesitation, Megumi declared, “I want to become reliable.”

“In what ways?”

It was a strange feeling, being able to define what she wanted for herself. Before, she had never gotten the chance. But here, she could try.

“I want to be a good friend for Choukou-san and Yoshida-senpai. I want to be a skilled manager for the basketball club, like Higuchi-senpai.”

_And I want to have Akashi-kun recognize that I’m more than a charity case._

Yoshida gave another of her reassuring smiles. This time, it did help Megumi feel better. “Well, you’re determined, so I think you’ll manage just fine.” For once, it sounded like confidence in Megumi herself instead of the blanket expectations placed over the whole of the Rakuzan student body. “I don’t want to take up too much of your lunch, so feel free to head back to class. I’ll check in with you in a few weeks, but feel free to come to me if you need anything.”

“Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind,” Megumi said, even though she wouldn’t.

“That’s that, then.” Yoshida turned back to her desk, and Megumi stood, anxious to get back to her classroom. There was still some time left, and she could maybe finish the chapter she was on before class started. She was halfway to the door when Yoshida called out, “Just a minute.”

Megumi turned to see the woman holding out a business card. “I know money is an issue you can’t overcome, but please keep alternative counseling in mind,” the woman said. “I have some colleagues that would be able to help you. This is just in case you’re in a position where I can’t help you.”

Not knowing what else to do, Megumi took the card and tucked it in her pocket.

She used it as a bookmark so no one else could see, and didn’t even bother to read it after she went home.


	8. 8—Gymnasium II

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

8—Gymnasium II

* * *

_Free from obstruction, the sky shines a beautiful blue_

* * *

Saturday, being a half day, allowed for an extended club practice that lasted far into the afternoon. Unlike regular practice, they had a mid-drill break where the members all gathered around Shirogane. With all the boys clustered together, they still could fill most of the gymnasium floor. Megumi was glad she and Higuchi were allowed to sit at the front so she didn’t have to see them all. Just thinking about it made her heart pound.

Or maybe that was the nerves from sitting so close to Akashi and Mibuchi, with just her fellow manager to separate them. She hadn’t seen much of the interactions between the regulars, due to running around at a near constant pace, but she knew enough to tell the two got along far better than Megumi did with either of them.

Shirogane stepped to the front of the room, and Megumi snapped to attention with the rest of the team.

“As you all know, the Inter-High preliminaries will start in two weeks’ time,” he said. Megumi nodded, though it wasn’t necessary. She didn’t have the full tournament timeframe committed to memory yet, but she knew that much. “You all know the expectations placed on you at that time. In order to prepare, we will be taking on a number of practice games. First String, your game is on Thursday. Second String will play on Tuesday. The rest of you will have games against each other over your practices. Even though I’ll be supervising both games, those that remain will continue practice. Slacking is not allowed.”

A silence terse enough to make Megumi want to puke filled the room. No one needed to respond, because not understanding wasn’t an option. Maybe because he had learned to conceal it as an adult it wasn’t as obvious, but Shirogane held a presence all his own that left Megumi in sheer awe.

“Higuchi, I’ll have you accompany the First String Game on Thursday,” Shirogane continued, pacing towards the managers. “Kaizuto, you’ll be coming with me on Tuesday.”

Megumi’s jaw that had been hanging open snapped shut as she became very aware of what had just been said, and she had to try very, _very_ hard not to break down in nervous protests to the assignment.

Not that she needed to, because Mibuchi raised his long arm to the ceiling. “With all due respect, Coach,” he said after Shirogane had given him permission to do so, “but is she ready? As I understand it, she’s still learning.”

Mibuchi didn’t sound malicious, nor he did he look it when Megumi glanced at him. That didn’t stop her face from heating up, though. On the other side of his Vice Captain, Akashi didn’t even bother to look her way.

“She will learn by doing, as all of us do,” Shirogane said, putting an end to the matter. Mibuchi leaned back on his palms. Megumi couldn’t blame his suspicion—in a position of leadership, he had to look out for the team’s wellbeing. And if Akashi couldn’t bother to acknowledge her existence, that left the job to Mibuchi.

Megumi clenched her fists in her lap and looked back to the Coach with attention, trying not to let the lack of faith sting too much.

The rest of the meeting related to specific tournament dates and training goals for each string. Higuchi took notes, and Megumi committed the words to memory as best she could. While not all the rules and flow of play had stuck to her yet, she could at least recognize some of the technique terminology. Not that she’d be a good judge of technique yet, but it was something.

_It’s not good enough, though. I’d be more suited to running an elementary school basketball club than this one._

Once the practice for the rest of the day was laid out, Megumi stood with the rest, ready to get back to her supply routine. She headed to the cart of water bottles that needed refilling, but Shirogane’s voice cut her off.

“Higuchi, Kaizuto,” he said, with less volume than addressing the whole club, but the same amount of power. Both managers stopped in their tracks, facing their coach. “I believe we should discuss proper division of duties between you two. Come with me.”

Megumi glanced to Higuchi, but his expression was as uninformed as Megumi felt. The three of them stepped off to the side of the gymnasium to get out of the way of the already practicing members. Akashi called out instructions, his voice blending into the hubbub of activity. In the chaos of squeaking shoes and dribbling balls, Megumi had come to feel like she had a place in that noise.

Standing in front of Shirogane for a private chat was another matter. Thinking of how she had made a selfish declaration of wanting to be his club’s manager in a one on one conversation astounded her.

Higuchi and Megumi fell into position side by side as Shirogane crossed his arms before them. “I assume there are no objections to the upcoming week.”

“No, sir,” Higuchi answered before Megumi could even get her mouth working again.

“Kaizuto?”

With that, both sets of eyes were on her. Considering the amount of time she had been around them, Megumi shouldn’t have felt so overwhelmed; she had adjusted to Choukou and Kenta faster than her own club associates.

“I think Mibuchi-senpai’s right,” she admitted at a whisper. It was a wonder the others could even hear her. “I’m…nervous. I don’t know if I’ll be able to help the team the way I need to.”

“Are you backing out?” Higuchi asked.

“No, of course not!” Megumi clenched a fist to her chest, trying to let the pressure distract the thousands of other sensations running around in her brain. Akashi’s words from the day before were still fresh in her memory, and Megumi felt very much like she was drowning. “I want to be able to do this, but I don’t want to let anyone down because I don’t know what I’m doing.” Higuchi had said it himself: he agreed with Akashi’s assessment, and he wouldn’t step up to defend her if their captain disapproved.

_I don’t want to leave, though! _

Shirogane cleared his throat before Higuchi could provide a response. The managers fell silent again and waited. “Kaizuto, there is a reason you are going with the second string and myself,” he said. “Normally, I would let Higuchi handle them on his own while I ran practice. Instead, I’m trusting the reverse. Do you know why this is?”

Megumi shook her head, too afraid to venture a guess and have her voice shake.

“The second stringers aren’t the only ones getting practice from the game,” Higuchi said for her. Shirogane didn’t object, so his answer must have been correct. “I told you that understanding the members’ strengths and giving them an input to grow is part of being a manager. If the Coach is with you, then he’ll be able to guide you in the right direction.”

“It’s critical that all members of this club understand the visions we’re reaching for,” Shirogane continued. Megumi nodded; it was why every single member was present for the meeting they had just held. “When we all work for the same goals, we all walk unified on the same path. You are starting a bit behind the others, but we will provide the path for you to catch up. Actually reaching us is up to your own effort. Higuchi.”

“Yes, sir?”

“I want you two to take the rest of today’s practice to make sure Kaizuto understands the basics of what she’ll be expected to do on Tuesday. I’ll have Akashi and Mibuchi direct clean up.” Higuchi nodded. When Shirogane looked to Megumi, she did the same, not able to tell if the tears she wanted to cry were from anxiety or relief. “I’ll see you both Tuesday.”

That time, Megumi managed to respond with clarity.

* * *

After changing back to their uniforms, Higuchi took Megumi to his classroom to keep away from the bustle of after-school activity that took place near the club buildings. Unlike the common sight of students stuck at their desks for incomplete homework at Megumi’s middle school, Rakuzan had no such stragglers, and the room looked like it could sparkle from the cleanup job.

Being on the third floor, it also gave Megumi a view of the sky out the open window. Both the fresh breeze and the expanse of blue helped clear her mind.

The layout for the manager’s duties during a game held simple, and even more so for practice affairs. Megumi would still have to tend to the basics of water and towels, as she already did, but it would also be important to keep an eye on how players were performing and if there were any weak spots in their play. In the event of minor injury, as sometimes happened, the manager would also have to escort the player to the infirmary for treatment.

Noting Megumi’s hesitation on recognizing player performance, Higuchi had her pull out the Second String’s player guide. Using his own notes as a guide, he started noting basic abilities and areas to look out for in the typical starting lineup. Megumi copied the information down, easily taking up several pages of her school notebook.

_Next time I get some allowance I’ll have to get a book just for this._ It would make it easier to access, too. Maybe one of those books with adjustable pages for better organization.

The main problem with opening her bag to keep up was that Higuchi noticed the reference texts.

“I didn’t account for you not having at least basic knowledge…”

Megumi apologized as best she could, but Higuchi moved on to quizzing her over the rules. She started getting stuck when it came to fouling opportunities, but she had remembered more than she thought she would. At the very least it seemed to be enough to observe a practice game with, though Higuchi lamented the loss of the learning goals he had bothered to compile for her.

“I’m sorry I wasted your time,” Megumi said while Higuchi added rough adjustments to the margins of the sheet he had planned to give her. “I know you’re busy with preparing for entrance exams. I can learn on my own, so you don’t need to go through the trouble.”

“Preparing you to act in full capacity is part of my duties, too,” he said, voice blurred between assurance and frustration. Learning a whole sport’s worth of rules in a short span of time seemed to be a time management problem, even for him. “If you’re so worried about eating into my time, then become efficient as soon as possible.”

“R-right…”

“Work with this for now. I’ll give you an updated version later.”

They spent the rest of the practice time with Megumi asking for clarifications that reading books couldn’t give. Higuchi, ever efficient, answered each with such clarity that Megumi had no doubt he had earned his position as one of the top-tier upperclassmen.

He even walked Megumi to the station, then split up when their trains went separate directions.

* * *

Megumi set up her table next to the open window and spent the rest of her Saturday in the warm breeze doing some prep work for her weekend homework, reviewing the next three learning goals Higuchi had given her, and practicing the lines she would no doubt need to say to fulfill basic manager requirements on their trip. At least the second-string was a reasonable group, even if they did amount to an average size school’s complete basketball club membership.

With Sunday came an onslaught of messages from Choukou during breakfast, along with the summary of said messages from Kenta: an invitation to study together. Megumi had been planning on spending her Sunday alone, but there wasn’t any reason to object, so she offered her apartment up and made sure everything was tidy.

The table to the window setup didn’t work so well when three people were going to be seated at it, but Megumi made sure she had a good view out her window. The sky was clear again, beautiful and blue and full of sunshine.

“I’m gonna make today a good one,” she promised it. “And then I’m going to do my best on Tuesday and surprise everyone. I bet even Akashi-kun will be shocked!”

The last part was an empty promise, but it was something to strive for. The tea kettle whistled from the stove, and Megumi got to work on finishing setting up the tea before her guests arrived.

* * *

“Kentaaaaa, I don’t get this word problem. Do it for me.”

“You’re never going to learn if that happens. You’ll drop down to 2-D next year for sure.”

“No fair! That’s, like, two whole classes down.” Megumi threw her ramen bowl shaped eraser at her cousin, then turned to Megumi. “Me-chaaaaaan, you’re in Class 1-A, help me out!”

Megumi paused in the middle of her English homework—_why were split infinitives such a big deal? What an arbitrary setup_—to look at her friend. She had been excited to be studying with friends, as it was another thing she had never gotten the chance to do. But Choukou’s flighty enthusiasm meant the girl couldn’t concentrate on one assignment for more than ten minutes. Or, she could, given her class ranking, she just chose not to.

Megumi double-checked the sentence she had just translated before setting her pencil down and tugging over Choukou’s assignment. “I’m not doing it for you,” Megumi warned at the other girls’ grin, “but I’m going to show you how to put the pieces together yourself. Show me the formulas you’re studying right now.”

With a diligent nod, Choukou flipped to a page in her notes—much neater than expected, though they were all in flowery hiragana. Class 1-B seemed to be a few days behind in lecture from where 1-A was, but the higher the class meant the tougher the curriculum. “Who decided we needed to combine words with numbers anyway? I can solve problems just fine.”

“You’re not going to encounter math problems just laid out for you in real life,” Kenta criticized without looking up from his own work. “You gotta know how to build the problems yourself.”

“Here, I’ll guide you through it,” Megumi offered, scooting closer to Choukou’s side. The other girl nodded, pencil at the ready. “So you usually start at the end of the problem where it tells you what you’re looking for. So in this case…”

With a few guided questions that let Choukou fill in the blanks herself, the problem had been solved in a matter of minutes. “You’re super good at this stuff, Me-chan,” Choukou complimented, twirling her pencil. “Then again, I guess you said you were good at analyzing information and stuff, so this is no big deal, huh?”

“Speaking of,” Kenta said. The boy had set his work aside and stretched his arms towards the ceiling. “How’s that wacky basketball intel going for you? You haven’t asked too many questions the past few days, but since we’re here I can help however I can.”

Megumi nodded, casting a glance at the clock. They had been working for a while now, and a break was well due, even if Choukou was plunking through her progress. “It’s been okay,” Megumi answered. “I ended up trying to review the sports rules, so I haven’t had much time to focus on the manager aspect.” Not that any of the Rakuzan Basketball Club leaders seemed to judge her struggles as reason to pause.

Not that they needed to.

Choukou slumped onto the table, right on top of her workbooks and stationary as bubbly as her text messages. “That’s why I preferred running. No complicated rules—just don’t cheat and run to where you need to go.”

“Oh, is that why you run your mouth all the time?” Kenta asked.

That earned him a stuck out tongue. “Better than not being able to make a decent move in shogi when it counts.”

Megumi smiled a bit before steering the conversation back on track. “I did have something I wanted to ask, though.” She had just forgotten in the commotion following Higuchi’s impromptu tutoring session. “Actually, you might be able to help with this, Choukou-san. Do you have any advice for leading a practice meet?”

The Yoshida cousins exchanged a glance of wide-eyed confusion, swapping to excitement within the next second.

“Whoa, you’re gonna be managing a practice game, Me-chan?” Choukou grabbed onto Megumi’s hands, almost knocking over the table in her dive. “That’s super exciting news. Way to go!”

“I’m glad for you,” Kenta said, his soft smile deepening Megumi’s already red cheeks. The support was overwhelming, but not in a bad way. “You did just join this past week, so it makes sense you’d be concerned, though. In the Shogi Club our cross club meet-ups tend to be more of exhibition matches since we can all practice off each other. But it is important to track victories and losses so you can discuss them later.”

Choukou nodded, backing up to scrunch her eyebrows in thought. “Well, I wasn’t managing anyone, but I can remember practice meet-ups for track, too. We did a lot of mock races against each other, and would compare techniques afterwards.” She snapped her fingers with a grin. “Our managers always went around and made sure everyone wasn’t pushing themselves too hard so we could do the best of our ability.”

Megumi got the distinct impression Choukou remembered that because _she_ had been one of the runners going too far. The look on Kenta’s face all but confirmed that suspicion. Overall, though, it gave her another piece of information to work with.

“So I should keep track of everyone’s wellbeing…” Not that she had any data to compare to. On the contrary, this was a good time to gather data in person without the pressures of a real game. “Pay attention to play mistakes, keep everyone hydrated and cool, be prepared for injury…” Taking a moment to retrieve her sheet of club notes, Megumi added the new thought to the bottom, committing the itinerary to memory.

“When’s the game, anyway?” Kenta asked.

“Tuesday.”

“Good, you’ll get that taken care of before the tournament swing hits.” Kenta tapped his pencil against the table. “And I think once that’s clear, it’ll be time for exams. I know you’re dedicated to this manager thing, but keep up on your studies, too.”

“You’re such a hardass,” Choukou complained, then flashed Megumi a brilliant smile. “Just do your best. It’ll be great. Just don’t go pushing yourself too hard, okay, Me-chan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to moonlight_phonex101 for the kudos and comment!


	9. 9—Parking Lot

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

9—Parking Lot

* * *

_More than just blue, the sky can stretch out in many shades of red_

* * *

If Tuesday had seemed too close for comfort beforehand, that paled in comparison to when the day arrived. Choukou and Kenta had sent Megumi good luck texts, and Higuchi had given her nod of encouragement before corralling the rest of the basketball club into practice. Megumi, who had been worrying about the second string members with her minimal confidence, found that Shirogane’s presence brought the group to immediate attention, making their load into the bus an easy one.

Sitting in the front of the bus, Megumi flipped through her next section of the club binder. The boys chattered in the background, while Shirogane sat across the aisle from the fledgling manager. He had his own set of papers with him, too immersed in his work for Megumi to work up the courage to ask.

Not that she’d know what to do about small talk afterwards.

She hadn’t wanted to look incompetent, so she had left the basketball guides at home for the day—though she wished she had brought them. The lessons she had recited with ease in front of Higuchi felt like they had cotton blocking their path in her neurons, soft but persistent. The nerves were eating at her stomach with such unrelenting force that she couldn’t even concentrate on the names of the lower tier players she was memorizing ahead of Higuchi’s schedule.

_What am I doing here? I’m not cut out for this._

They hadn’t even arrived at the other school yet, and Megumi already felt out of place. The Second String boys may not have been the regulars, but they held a presence all their own, even if at the moment it was masked under jokes and exaggerated stories in the backseat. Megumi glanced over her seat cushion to make sure the horseplay wasn’t getting out of hand. Everything seemed fine, though one of the younger players caught Megumi’s eye and gave her a wave.

She spun back around and sat down with enough force to make Shirogane look up at the noise. “Sorry, I stumbled,” she said, then got back to staring at her papers. When she was sure her coach was immersed back in his work, she stole a gaze out the window, where the sky rolled on overhead, stationary when compared to the passing buildings on the ground below.

Talking out loud to the sky wasn’t an option in a crowded bus full of her teammates. She’d have to settle for thoughts.

_Am I really going to be okay at this? I’m not just trying to do my job, I have to represent my school on top of that._ The added pressure didn’t do any good. It was hard enough trying to impress Akashi, let alone another school with expectations of her own. _I’m nowhere near good enough for any of this._

The bus slowed to a stop at a stoplight. A cluster of birds flew on in formation, high up in the sky.

_I know I can’t run away, but it would be nice if I could._

Being in such a confined space with people who she knew by name but had little connection with reminded her why she had isolated herself in the first place. She had been spending a lot of time with other people, too. While on one hand that was good, it was overloading her circuits. Even her previous counselor had said it was okay to take time to herself, so long as she got social interaction after a certain period of time.

_What I wouldn’t give to be alone right now._

Not having much choice but to settle, Megumi opened the bus window and pressed her forehead into the glass, pretending that she could melt into the sky above.

* * *

Megumi’s first acting role in the game involved a short conversation with the other team’s manager to figure out where Rakuzan could set themselves up for the afternoon, then relaying that information to the team. Shirogane was already in a discussion himself with the other school’s coach, so Megumi had to corral the boys into place. Even though Futa and Sato straggled a little bit, a few stern words got everyone into place.

Her heart was thudding afterwards, but she had done it. Higuchi had prepared her for that much.

When the game started, Megumi found she had much less commanding to do and far more observation. Shirogane handled the plays, and didn’t comment when Megumi started taking notes. While the obvious purpose of the game was to give the Second String players some practical experience, their coach also seemed to be trying out different play styles.

Megumi couldn’t speak for technique, no matter what basics Higuchi had crammed into her, but she could count basic numbers. It was easy enough to keep track of what plays scored points and by whom, as to where the ball was lost and fumbles occurred. Her resulting data sheet at the end of the first quarter was messy, and wouldn’t hold up for easy review, but Megumi at least had enough skill to surmise who had the upper hand in scoring and which plays worked best for this arrangement of players against this particular team.

A drop in the bucket, perhaps. But she needed baseline patterns to refer to. Shirogane didn’t make any remarks about her particular style of observation, so it seemed to be a good enough place to start.

Megumi was left to her devices, even through the halftime break. While the act of tracking play data gave her a focused task, the end of the game left her exhausted even before she had to wrangle the boys back onto the bus. They were tired from play, but there was still an enthusiasm that came from their victory, which made the job easier. The Second String members were even quieter than the ride up from the back.

“What did you think?” Shirogane asked, in the same seat as before, but without any papers in hand. It seemed the time had come to talk, not to review. Megumi kept her own papers tucked in her bag so they wouldn’t fly off in the breeze coming in from her window.

Megumi swallowed, thinking it back over. “Is this from a personal or a professional standpoint, Coach?”

“Either or,” Shirogane allowed. Even if he didn’t realize it, giving Megumi free reign to talk helped her anxiety. Or maybe he had realized, and that’s why he did it. As a Coach, being able to read his players’ mindsets was a crucial skill. “Though I do expect to hear about at least the latter.”

_Right, I’m still in this as a manager. This isn’t Akashi—just show your effort and it should be enough._ “Well, they’re impressive,” she said, glancing back to the club members in the back. A few had dozed off, while the rest were in quiet conversations with the odd burst of laughter. “I’ll admit I’m a novice at these things, but when they stepped on the court, I could feel their confidence and skill.” It was a part of that aura she had first experienced upon seeing the club that day. Megumi had adjusted to it, so it didn’t blow her over like before, but the presence had been undeniable. The effect it must’ve had on the opponents must’ve been more so.

And this group of boys had just been the Second String. What the First String could manage, with Akashi as their leader, no less, had to be far beyond that.

Shirogane kept his posture steady and returned an even nod. “There is a certain standard we achieve and represent as members of Rakuzan,” he said. “I’m sure you know this, but we’ve won the Inter-High and Winter Cup tournaments three years in a row. Executing that level of performance is expected of us as the ‘Emperor of Creation.’”

Megumi had learned the team’s rough history, but it was the first time she had heard of the particular nickname. It was also the first time she had seen Shirogane smile in amusement. She guessed, to an adult, such a title would come off as pretentious for something as simple as a high school basketball club.

_Still, it’s a pretty cool nickname._

Focusing back on the conversation at hand, Megumi toyed with the hemline of her skirt. “I’ll admit I don’t know what ‘good’ play looks like,” she started, hoping honesty would gain her some leniency, “but I noticed that passing errors seemed to be the most common. However, we made a fewer number of failures in relation to the other team, as well as a greater number of successes.” She paused as her brain pulled the train of thought to the obvious conclusion. “I guess when you add that all up, it’s why we won, right?”

“That is a way to look at it,” Shirogane allowed. “Though I’m sure you can tell by now that sports are a matter of more than just numbers adding up correctly.” Megumi nodded. “But overall I’d say we were susceptible to a number of interference plays. This was more than the other team’s defense than a lack of our offense capabilities.”

Megumi considered that. It had been hard enough for her to read her own team’s movements, both from unfamiliarity with the sport and from the speed they had used. “I guess that I need a bit more practice reading the court, then?” she ventured.

“Well, I do have quite a bit more years of experience at this than you do.” Shirogane glanced back to the members at the back for a moment. “If I were speaking with Higuchi, I’d ask him to evaluate possible training regimens with me, as well as guidance with specific players. But you’re still a novice, so I’d say you’ve done more than enough to meet your current standards for now, Kaizuto.”

She held back the flush of pride over such a simple accomplishment. “But I’ll need to improve further to be of any use in the long run?”

“As long as you’re aware of the standard, it’s fine.” Shirogane tapped his fingers across his knee cap. Megumi tried her best to make sure she didn’t look like she was fidgeting. “However, learning isn’t a standalone activity. Higuchi told me your tutoring session on Saturday went well. So if you have any questions, this would be the time to ask.”

The gravity of being allowed to ask the coach of the team for advice when he was in charge of so many members was not lost on her._ If anything, the players deserve more attention than I do, but I shouldn’t waste the opportunity._

Megumi tried pondering over her knowledge of the rules, but one question came to mind. It wasn’t what Shirogane had meant, but if there was ever a time to ask it, it should have been then, before she adjusted enough that it didn’t seem like an issue anymore.

“Is Akashi-kun um…unusual?” she asked, not quite able to look Shirogane in the eye. The man held his even expression, neither surprised nor abhorred by the question. “I mean, I’ll admit I don’t know much, but having someone my age in a position like that…”

She cut the words off, admonishing herself for even bothering to ask. She was about to retract the question when Shirogane let out a long exhale.

“You’re right in that the captain’s position is usually reserved for an upperclassman,” he said, clasping his hands together. Even for sitting in a bus with a bunch of teenagers, he held every bit of professionalism. “There were some complications when Akashi vied for the position. But I prefer to let students sort these problems out themselves so long as they don’t get out of hand.”

Megumi was left with visions of animosity between club members and the sort of complications that could give rise to. She held back the urge to hug her knees for comfort. But, upon reflection, none of that discord had been in the air of the basketball club at all. And Higuchi-senpai would have mentioned something like that if it was a concern.

“So then it worked itself out…?”

“It was aided by the fact that Mibuchi had originally been in the captain’s position and was more than willing to step down once Akashi made his intentions clear.” That could have come from either trust or fear. Given their easy looking relationship, Megumi was inclined to believe the former. “I can’t deny that Akashi holds an unusual amount of skill and leadership for his age. He proved his ability to the group, and has kept outreach to the lower strings, so they’re not under duress to have him as their leader.” Shirogane made eye contact with Megumi, and she did her best to hold the gaze. “If you’re concerned about the internal relationships of the club, then you have no reason to worry.”

“R-right. Sorry if I got off topic.”

“It’s understandable given the circumstances. Though I do have this to say.” Megumi sat up straight, determined to commit whatever words Shirogane had to memory. “It’s not often that clubs get to work with any captain or manager for all three years, let alone at the same time. You and Akashi have the opportunity to run the club in a way many of your predecessors do not. If you intend to stay with us for the next three years, you should keep that in mind with the actions you make.”

Out of all the sounds Megumi had been ready to stop coming from her mouth, she hadn’t expected a laugh. Even so, she managed to keep it under wraps, though a strangling noise came out instead. Shirogane gave her a concerned look, but Megumi shook her head. “I’m fine,” she said, because despite the pressure she should have been feeling, it wasn’t bothering her the way it should have.

The concept that Akashi would accept her to make any decisions for the club with him was just too impossible to even concern herself with in the first place.

* * *

They were still in mid sunset by the time they returned to the Rakuzan parking lot, leaving everything in a soft shade of orange and Megumi ready to relax from the long day. Both Kenta and Choukou had been interested in hearing how the practice game had gone (more for her sake than the team’s), but going on the endeavor that was navigating Choukou’s kaomoji infested mails was one Megumi would rather handle after a nice dinner and bath.

“Okay, everyone, please make sure all your belongings are off the bus. After this, you’re dismissed!”

She liked to think she didn’t need it, but Shirogane’s nod of confirmation left Megumi feeling at least a bit proud of how she had done. She had talked to a number of strangers, held a successful observation, and even held out the whole afternoon in unfamiliar territory despite the rocky start. The next day she was going to enjoy a quiet afternoon and evening alone to recover, but things had been fine as they were.

Shirogane gave his last regards and went to clear out the gymnasiums. As it was, the rest of the club was heading out in waves, their own practice complete. Sato wandered a bit off from Futa’s side to head for Megumi, but Higuchi caught sight of her and waved her over.

“I see you made it back alright,” he greeted. Megumi nodded, glad for how easy the smile came to her face. “Well, I’m sure you talked things over with the coach, but did you have any questions for me?” He checked his wristwatch and adjusted his bag over his shoulder. “I don’t have time to do a full session, but we walk to the same station anyway. Let’s walk together.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to reschedule, Shōta. I’ll be speaking with Megumi.”

That sort of order could have come from one source. Megumi froze mid step, looking to see Akashi approaching. Paused in the throng of exiting first stringers were the starting lineup, left behind by their captain. Mibuchi looked to be pouting, though the others just seemed curious.

“Can I help you, Akashi-kun?” For a moment, she regretted not using his title, but she still felt miffed from the other day. As the redhead stood in front of her, that faded away to low tremble of fear she hadn’t felt in some time. “I take it your practice went well today?”

“Naturally,” he said. For him, there was no question. “But I’m more interested in your own match. Let’s take a moment to discuss it.”

There was no room for debate. Megumi gripped onto her bag hard enough to feel the blood slow to a stop in her fingers, and couldn’t beat the instinct to step back. Higuchi looked between them both. “Captain, I think it’s best for everyone to go take a rest—“

“That will be all, Shōta.”

For a moment, Higuchi’s face twisted a bit, but he composed it with such grace Megumi almost doubted what she had seen. All of a sudden, Shirogane’s assurances that there wasn’t distrust amongst the club members seemed like pale assurances.

But Higuchi stepped back so much without a dirty look to Akashi and stepped back. “Then let me know when you’re free for another tutoring session, Kaizuto. If you’ll excuse me.”

He gave Megumi one last look before blending into the throng. The starters loitered behind Akashi until their captain waved them forward.

“Eh, you’re not coming along, Sei-chan?” Mibuchi asked. For such a tall guy, he could put quite the disappointed whine into his voice. Akashi shook his head. “Fine, fine, but we call dibs on you after our match on Thursday. Don’t stay out too late!”

Megumi watched the rest of the club members drift off, all ready to enjoy their evenings. She wanted to run, fabricate an excuse, but for all her potential to flee, her feet stayed rooted in place on the concrete.

And then it was just her and Akashi, his eyes looking all the more unnatural in the evening light.


	10. 10—Parking Lot II

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

10—Parking Lot II

* * *

_Surrounded by its white companions, that single cloud is dark with rain_

* * *

The breath hitched in Megumi’s throat, her windpipe swelling from the pressure. Akashi had changed back into his school uniform, but his athlete’s intensity hadn’t faded in the slightest. Or maybe it was just his intensity overall, something Megumi had been ignoring while she scrambled to hold onto her position. The occasional sports club member drifted past, chatting with their friends, but an oppressive silence hung over the Boys Basketball Club’s Captain and Assistant Manager.

“How did the game go?” Akashi asked, the barest amount of inflection available for it to count as a question and not an all-out demand.

Megumi’s throat tightened further, but her mouth popped open to answer anyway. “We won.”

“I don’t need obvious statements, Megumi.” Akashi’s posture was straight, but his hard mismatched eyes conveyed every filament of disgust within them. Megumi had no doubt that she deserved it. “We do not achieve anything but victory. I’m asking for a report on the other details.”

Megumi swallowed hard, fighting to keep from eye contact. It was easy when she didn’t want to look anywhere near him. “What other details would those be?”

“Do you need everything spelled out for you?” Akashi adjusted his grip on his school bag, and Megumi clenched hard enough on her own that her fingers started to feel numb. “I need to know how the second string is handling itself to make sure everyone’s member placement is accurate. I expect you were paying attention to such things?”

“I’m not sure it’s my place to decide—” The moment the words started to leave her mouth, Megumi knew they were the wrong ones to say. She snapped her jaw shut so hard her teeth started to grind together. “Coach Shirogane and Higuchi-senpai say I’m doing fine for just starting. You don’t have to worry about what I can do.”

Akashi’s scoff seemed to echo, even though they were in the open air. Megumi forced herself to look up at the sky, still stained orange. It wasn’t blue, but it was good enough. “As Captain, _your_ skill level is very much my concern,” Akashi said. He stepped closer, and Megumi hunched in on herself. It was so very hard to feel small when you were still standing. “Just because you’re in a lower position does not excuse you from putting in the work and effort required. I told you already that your circumstances don’t exclude you.”

He had. Megumi struggled to take even shallow breaths. Not even having the courage to speak, she nodded.

“Then next time you take on the position of a manager representing our school, I expect you to act like it.” Akashi kept walking, passing Megumi without so much as looking at her. That was for the best, since Megumi felt like she would melt at the slightest acknowledgement. “No more slacking off, Megumi. Understood?”

His footsteps were sharp against the concrete. It wasn’t until Akashi’s presence had faded that Megumi managed to whisper, “Yes, Captain.”

* * *

Megumi’s personal afternoon of relaxation turned into several hours of curling up in her futon and trying to erase every ounce of stimulation that had built up over the school day. Any unexpected event or pattern served to upend her already fragile state of mind, and she’d almost cried in the middle of class because someone had dropped their book to the floor, causing a racket. Having Akashi sit in front of her, even if he ignored her presence, didn’t help. The gray haze of rain clouds had taken over the view from her window. Megumi shut her eyes and willed the world to go away.

When she woke up from her impromptu nap, evening had fallen and a faint drizzle had started to patter against the window. Megumi fumbled around in the dark to turn on the lights, and whipped up a quick dinner of vegetable stir fry before settling in with her homework.

The world felt much more peaceful after a nap, even though it was more of a reflection of Megumi’s calming nerves. They were still frayed at the edges, and she knew the slightest wrong move would just make everything feel awful again, but for the moment, she was safe, and that was what mattered.

Not willing to take any chances, Megumi kept to herself and tried to finish up her homework so she could get started on the next section of Higuchi’s training regimen.

* * *

Choukou: Hey, Me-chan, you okay? ల(｀°Δ°)  
Choukou: I know it’s hard to answer messages sometimes, but I haven’t heard from you at all since yesterday. （●´･△･｀）  
Choukou: Are you tired out from your practice game? Track meets used to wear me out, too. (☍﹏⁰)｡  
Choukou: But— ( ³⌓³)  
Choukou: You didn’t finish telling me about how things went. (꒪⌓꒪)  
Choukou: I wanna knooooooooow. ヾ(｡﹏｡)ﾉﾞ

Kenta: Hope you’re getting some good rest. If you’re feeling up to hanging out again, we should make plans for this weekend.

Choukou: Hey, hey, Me-chan, can you send me a message please? (ⅈ▱ⅈ)  
Choukou: Just so I know you’re alright. ╏ ⁰ ⌂ ⁰ ╏

Megumi grimaced at the torrent of messages that assaulted her phone the moment it turned on after class on Thursday. She hadn’t remembered to power it back on the day before, and it was watching the club members check their own before practice started that reminded her. She started to type out a quick message to Choukou en route to the locker room, but the thud of approaching footsteps stopped her.

“Good, I managed to catch you, Kaizuto-san.” Higuchi jogged up to Megumi’s side. She scanned the area for their captain, still fearing an additional reprimand. Akashi’s words still stung at her, and it had been the fact that he would be absent for the first stringer’s practice match that had bolstered her enough in returning to the next club meeting. “Do you have any questions about what you need to do today?”

Megumi ran over the mental layout she’d been given before. “I just need to do my usual duties and make sure everyone is focused on practice,” she said. It was simple enough. “Coach Shirogane said after warm ups to have everyone split into self-run practice games. It should be fine.” The idea of talking to so many people was still intimidating, but she had done well enough with the Second String on Tuesday she felt at least confident enough to handle that much.

_Because that’s all you can handle._

Higuchi gave Megumi a questioning gaze. She shook her head to dissolve his concern, but it didn’t seem to work. It was bad enough that Akashi didn’t have any confidence in her abilities, she didn’t need Higuchi doing the same. “Alright,” he said. “If things get out of control, don’t be afraid to knock these idiots into shape. And well, if things get really bad, you still have my contact info right?” It had been tucked into the club learning regimen for her. Megumi waved her phone by means of confirmation. “Good. Now, are you free after practice? I still wanna go over the second string match you watched.”

“I can do that.” The fact that she hadn’t been able to say anything to Akashi’s demands still weighed on her mind, even if it wasn’t right at the forefront. Higuchi gave her another long look, one that seemed to be digging up every little thing that Megumi didn’t want him to see. “Thank you for your help, Senpai. But shouldn’t you be making sure the First String is ready to go?”

“You’re right.” All too relieved that he’d dropped the subject, Megumi released a sigh. Higuchi rolled his shoulders and headed to the boy’s locker room to finish getting ready. “I’ll see you after practice, Kaizuto-san.”

Megumi repeated the sentiments. And then she tried to prepare herself for the ten minutes she’d have to endure in Akashi’s presence until the first string had departed.

* * *

“Alright, practice time is over!” Megumi called out to the last of the gymnasiums from the doorway. “Make sure all the equipment gets picked up properly. I’ll be back to check if you guys need help soon.” With that being said, Megumi shut the door and rested against the wall. Running between the two gyms to keep everyone taken care of on her own had been exhausting without a doubt.

_Higuchi-senpai didn’t look this worn out when we got back from our match. I mean, he has more experience at this than I do, but am I that out of shape? _Cutting her train of thought short before she convinced herself that an exercise program would be in her best interests, Megumi pushed herself off the wall and headed back to the second stringers. _Just look on the bright side. You made it through this with zero problems. Sure, we didn’t hit the schedule by the minute, but we got everything taken care of that we needed to. That should be good enough._

The cleanup went without a hitch, and Megumi ticked off the last of Shirogane’s checklist for her before heading back to change. There wasn’t a doubt that she lingered in the locker room longer than necessary, but getting interrogated by Akashi again was the alternative. Megumi paced in circles around the lockers, trying to get a grip on her breathing before it went haywire.

She was just meeting with Higuchi for another club tutoring session. She could do it.

Sure enough, when Megumi emerged into the gymnasium again, the club had all left. The lights reflected off the perfect polish on the floor. Even without Shirogane’s presence, not a single member had cut corners, though that was more from their club expectations than Megumi’s leadership capacity. She was inclined to consider a lack of disaster a victory.

“Ah, there you are, Kaizuto.” Contrary to her expectation, it was Shirogane who called out for her, though Higuchi was nearby. Megumi crossed over to meet them near the entrance. Shirogane’s sharp eyes flicked across the room. “Everything seems to be in order. Did you have any issues today?”

“No, sir.” Megumi tapped her toe against the floor, trying not to let her gaze wander too much. The presence of the club’s commanding members made it seem like Akashi would spring out from beneath the floor at any moment. Higuchi took note of her unfocused attention, that same reading expression on his face as before. Megumi straightened up and craned her neck to look Shirogane in the eye. “How was the first string’s game?”

She knew better than to ask if they had won. With Akashi present, that much was a given.

“Everything went as well as expected. They’ve been trying out some new strategies, so I let them have at it.” Shock slipped through Megumi’s veins at the level of autonomy the first string had; there had been no shortage of Shirogane’s guidance during Tuesday’s game. “It’s not quite a style ready to be used in a tournament yet, but it will get there.”

Higuchi let out a sound that wasn’t harsh enough to be a snort, but it couldn’t be passed off as much else. “Sorry. I’ve just never seen such a ridiculous idea in my life.”

Shirogane’s lips stretched just enough to form a smile. “Be that as it may, I won’t object if they can make it work at the level needed.” Megumi watched on in curiosity, not finding the right opportunity to insert herself in the conversation. “It’s not something that can be described without seeing it. I’ll be sure to give you an opportunity soon, though.”

“A-ah, thank you very much,” Megumi said, ducking her head in a bow.

“Until then, as long as everything’s clear here, there’s no sense in me wasting your time. I understand you two are working out more lessons together?” Both managers nodded. “Then I’ll leave you to it. We’ll start out Saturday with another group meeting, so be prepared.”

With farewells exchanged, Shirogane departed to his office. Megumi took a few more calming breaths, reassuring herself that things were okay. The encounter itself hadn’t been stressful, but the dark press of anxiety was still wrapped around her heart, not yet faded. Higuchi’s usual serious expression melded into awkwardness.

“So,” he said after a moment, “I take it you’d rather not have the lesson here? School will be closing up soon, so we can go get something to eat if you like.”

Megumi jumped at the suggestion, but she knew it was the best option available to them. And the farther away from the school, the less of a chance there was of running into Akashi on accident. “Thank you, Higuchi-senpai. I’d like that.”

* * *

They found a fast food restaurant that wasn’t too far from the station and settled down there. Despite Megumi’s insistences otherwise, Higuchi out stubborned her and paid the bill. Already feeling indebted enough, Megumi resolved to do something to return the favor.

She tended to avoid eating in public, since crowds could be overwhelming, but the place Higuchi had settled on wasn’t too busy. They claimed a larger table along the back booths, and Megumi kept her back to the wall. Partway through their meal, Higuchi started up his basketball trivia quiz again, and Megumi’s mind scrambled to keep up.

“Well, better than last time at the very least,” Higuchi said, and Megumi grimaced as she tried to return to her fries. _Better_ wasn’t good enough, not by Akashi’s standards, and not for her. “Listen, you’re doing well for never dealing with basketball before.”

“That’s not what you said before, Senpai,” Megumi said. It was Higuchi’s turn to grimace. He toyed with his soda cup. “You and everyone else has told me that I need to get my act together to be good enough for all of you. Going soft on me isn’t going to fix anything.” She couldn’t afford to be given lenience. Not if Akashi wasn’t going to budge in the slightest.

Higuchi scratched at the back of his neck, showing no interest in his food. “That’s not…” Megumi wondered if he’d have the guts to try and tell her otherwise. It wasn’t a position she was unused to. “Kaizuto, I’m not pitying you or anything. I’m just trying to make sure you’re ready to do what you need to do and, well, sorry for prying, but Coach told me about why you were allowed on the team.”

Megumi squished the fry she’d been holding between her fingers. It wasn’t hot enough to hurt, but salt and potato splatted back onto her tray. She had expected Shirogane to know—he hadn’t said as much, but Yamada-sensei must’ve told him—but having that information in another student’s hands felt much worse. If it weren’t for the table in her way, plus her already spread out work materials, Megumi would have bolted already.

Instead, she gripped onto the rubbery booth cushion in an attempt to anchor herself. “I appreciate your honesty, Senpai, but you couldn’t have chosen a worse time to tell me.” Every streak of panic begged her to give up on the whole damn week and go back home, but Megumi fought it down the best she could. She even forced a smile onto her face. “If you know there’s no point in hiding it, but I assume you really don’t understand how this works.”

“I did some basic research but that was about it,” Higuchi said. At last, he unwrapped his burger. Megumi had lost most of her appetite in the usual swirl of nausea. “You’re part of the team, too, Kaizuto-san. I’d like to at least be able to help.”

Help was such a foreign idea to Megumi that he might as well have said it in a different language. But she knew that having a supportive ally was rare. She’d been lucky enough with Choukou and Kenta, but they had experience.

_Isn’t it kinda pathetic reaching out for help like this?_

_Don’t tell anyone—_

A sob caught in Megumi’s throat before she even realized she was crying. “Shit,” Higuchi said, dropping his burger and moving to stand. “Shit, Kazuto—”

“Stop it.”

Megumi hated every second of her voice as it cracked out. She hunched over, slapping her hands over her ears. The sounds of the restaurant’s background music and the door chime were muted, but what came through was still loud, far too loud. She pushed to suppress the sound of her crying but couldn’t escape the racket her own body was making.

“If you know, don’t push me.” Even the whispers took more effort than she would’ve liked. “I…I know I don’t show it, but sometimes—” she sucked in another breath, trying to stop before she went too far “—sometimes I just _can’t_ do anymore, like after something bad happens, and if you push me I just break and I want everything to go away, so just don’t, don’t, _don’t_, Senpai.”

She hated it when things go bad enough that she couldn’t even run away.

Higuchi did her the favor of sitting back down. It was good, because if he’d touched her, even in comfort, she would’ve screamed. The near empty restaurant kept away any major attention, but that wouldn’t last much longer when the commute started to pick up. How much time did she have to pull herself together? Would she even be able to make it home?

“Kaizuto,” Higuchi tried, and she flinched at his kind tone, “when you say something bad, do you mean something happened with Akashi?”

He’d hit the nail on the head, which was to be expected. Higuchi was a Rakuzan student through and through. But admitting it—admitting that she’d been discouraged by such a small thing felt like a step backwards. Megumi had worked so hard to feel somewhat comfortable, and she’d let a few honest words take that away. Before she could think of a proper lie to tell, a shadow fell over the table, and both basketball managers jumped at the presence.

Choukou stood above them, a glare replacing her usual smile. The target of her ire was none other than Higuhchi. “What the hell did you do to Me-chan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to moonlight_phonex101 for the comment!


	11. 11—Within Proximity IV

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

11—Within Proximity IV

* * *

_Ferocious winds have left the sky in upheaval_

* * *

Choukou looked like a hurricane. Her voice was calm, but it had that dangerous edge to it, one that promised retribution if the answer wasn’t the correct one. Megumi hadn’t seen anyone look so intimidating in their summer uniform since her older sister had graduated high school.

“I didn’t,” Higuchi started, but the narrowing of Choukou’s eyes caused him to adjust his answer. “Not on purpose anyway. Can you help her?”

“I’d like to.” Choukou’s expression softened, and she stepped closer to Megumi with all the care of a tightrope walker. That caution was all that kept Megumi from flinching back. “Me-chan, what do you need right now? Do you want me to take you to the bathroom?” She lifted a hand, deliberate and slow, palm faced up. When Megumi realized it was gesture of help, not of punishment, she nodded and took Choukou’s hand. Higuchi was left at the table.

Megumi’s legs tottered a bit, and once they realized she was in motion, she all but ran to the bathroom. Choukou’s hand squeezed hers in reassurance, and a wave of shame crashed into Megumi. She hadn’t broken down in a few months. What did she do wrong?

“Me-chan?” Choukou asked. Her voice was at a whisper, but filled with nothing but concern and love. How wasn’t she disgusted? “What happened? Is he in the Basketball Club with you?” Megumi nodded, pressing her shoulder into the cold bathroom wall. Goosebumps lined her arms, nothing but pale skin. “Did you have an anxiety attack? I could get your drink for you?”

So that had been her guess. Megumi pressed a hand to her forehead. Her breathing had evened out somewhat, but the desire to run away hadn’t died down in the slightest. “It’s not…anxiety. Well, sometimes but—” She was so out of practice talking to anyone about her mental health that she wasn’t sure where to start. It didn’t help that her condition wasn’t as well known. It didn’t help that she was afraid if she admitted it then Choukou wouldn’t want anything to do with her anymore. “Promise you won’t hate me?”

“Of course not,” Choukou said without hesitation. Her usual honesty made it believable enough that Megumi could accept it. “You’re my friend no matter what, Megumi. It doesn’t matter if you think different from others. I promise I’ll accept it.”

That was enough to bring up a fresh well of tears, but Megumi didn’t feel sad. She’d never cried from such an intense relief, not even when she’d been accepted into Rakuzan. Choukou moved like she wanted to give Megumi a hug, but stopped short of making any sudden movements. Kenta may have criticized his cousin for lacking self-control, but she could do it when it counted. Megumi wiped her eyes with her free hand and moved so her back pressed against the bathroom wall, forcing herself to look in Choukou’s eyes.

“A-Avoidant Personality Disorder,” Megumi said. She hated the way the name fell from her mouth, an awkward, clunky thing. Choukou’s brow furrowed in unrecognition. “Sometimes it acts like anxiety, but my big problem is that I’m bad at social interaction and forming lasting relationships.” Choukou gave Megumi’s hand another reassuring squeeze, and it sent an unfamiliar pulse of warmth through her heart. “People scare me. You and Kenta-senpai scare me sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” Chouko said.

“What do you have to be sorry about? I’m the one who can’t keep my head in check!” Her voice echoed off the bathroom walls. Megumi clutched at her uniform ribbon, feeling the pressure against the back of her neck. “I went through counseling. I’m supposed to be better. Not panicking that everyone’s going to hate me over nothing.” Having the diagnosis was supposed to have made her feel better. If anything, it had just made everything she worried about get worse.

Choukou let go of Megumi’s hand, frowning. There it was. Not even a few weeks of being friendship and Choukou was already sick of her. It’d be impressive as a new record if it weren’t so pathetic.

“Megumi, I don’t know where you got the idea that you need to fix everything right away.” As if reading Megumi’s mind, Choukou planted herself in front of the doorway, preventing an escape. “But I promise you it’s okay. Mental disorders don’t just disappear. You can learn how to handle yourself better, but no one’s going to hate you if you don’t pull off some miracle cure. And if they do, they’re ignorant and I’ll kick their ass for you!”

“You don’t have to—”

Choukou pouted, draining the comeback from Megumi’s throat. “You’re right, I don’t _have_ to,” Choukou said. “But I’m your friend, Me-chan, so I_ want_ to. I wanna help you, even if it’s just a little. And if that means I have to fight for you, I will.” She opened up her arms, offering a hug. Hesitant, Megumi stepped forward, letting Choukou’s arms wrap around her. Choukou was soft, and her lip gloss smelled like peaches. “It doesn’t matter what disorder you have, I’ll be your friend so long as you want me around. And I know Kenta feels the same way.”

Megumi had run out of tears by that point. But she buried her face in Choukou’s shoulder anyway.

* * *

Contrary to Megumi’s expectations, Higuchi hadn’t abandoned the restaurant at the first opportunity. He still looked awkward, but he’d managed to eat through his meal and had started writing in a notebook. Megumi’s own tray was untouched, and a pang of hunger pushed its way into her stomach. Somewhere in Choukou’s reassurances, Megumi had regained her appetite.

Choukou waited for Megumi to sit, then plopped herself into the booth as well. Higuchi’s eyes darted between them, unsure of whom he was supposed to be addressing. In the end, his line of sight fell somewhere on the wall between them. Considering Megumi was having a hard time even watching him through her bangs, she couldn’t blame his lack of eye contact.

“Is everything alright?” Higuchi asked. His voice didn’t carry the same amount of concern that Choukou could employ, but it wasn’t disgust, either. Holding a relationship with him, even if it was just a professional one, wasn’t a lost cause. “If I stepped over a line, Kaizuto-san, I apologize.”

“N-no, I apologize for causing trouble.” Choukou sighed, but Megumi was glad she was able to talk. It almost didn’t matter what words spilled out of her mouth. “I’m glad you were honest with me, but I’d have rather told you myself.”

“But since you know, we can’t do anything about it,” Choukou said, nudging Megumi’s tray closer to her. Megumi took the hint and started unwrapping her lukewarm chicken sandwich. “I think common courtesy includes a little bit of consideration for that knowledge, don’t you think?” Higuchi put down his pencil and gave Choukou his attention. “Yoshida Choukou, class 1-B. Sorry for the rocky first impression, Senpai, but I think you can understand my concern for my friend.” Though she was playing casual, it wasn’t quite up to her bubbly standard. Megumi took a large bite of her sandwich in hopes that it would quell the unease building in her stomach.

“Higuchi Shōta, class 3-A. I’m the manager of the Boys’ Basketball Club, but Kaizuto-san might have mentioned it.” Megumi nodded as she chewed, but Higuchi didn’t pressure her to speak further. “I’ll admit I don’t know much about Kaizuto-san’s condition other than the name and some basics. I’d like to be able to help if I can.”

Choukou nodded, seeming satisfied enough with the result. “Well, Me-chan’s the one that can tell us best about that.” She smiled at Megumi. “Are you feeling up to that? Remember, you don’t have to push yourself.”

Megumi swallowed her mouthful of fries, brushing her hands off on a napkin. “It’s okay, I feel better now,” she said. She had gotten comfortable enough with Choukou that the other girl’s presence was assuring, and Higuchi was being open enough. It didn’t seem as scary as it did on a normal basis. Megumi stared out the window, but she still spoke. “Like I was trying to say before, if I have a bad experience it makes it much harder for me to feel alright with others. I think I might’ve pushed myself too hard to compensate, so things just built up…”

“I see what you’re talking about,” Higuchi said. She could sense the question he didn’t ask, the one about Akashi’s involvement. Whether he was trying to avoid another incident or just didn’t want to broach the topic in front of Choukou, Megumi couldn’t tell. “In that case, if you can, I’d like to know when you’re approaching your limit. We may push ourselves to succeed, but part of success is knowing when enough is enough and giving yourself time to rest. Understood?”

Choukou’s eyes narrowed a bit, still on the defensive. Megumi nodded, though, not wanting any sort of scuffle to break out over something so simple. “I’ll try my best, but it can be very hard to admit that something like that’s wrong.” Higuchi sighed, and Megumi’s chest tightened a bit. He didn’t try to argue against it, though. “Um, Higuchi-senpai, I know that Coach knows about my condition, but…”

“As far as I can tell, no one else knows.” Megumi sank into the cushions in relief. Akashi disapproved of her enough. He didn’t need another reason to doubt in Megumi’s capacity to serve, no matter how right that impression was.

“And I assume you’re not going to tell anyone without permission, right?” Choukou asked, arms crossed over her chest. Her legs were crossed beneath the table, her leg bouncing enough that her tennis shoe almost bumped into Megumi’s thigh. “Me-chan’s health is her business and hers alone.”

Higuchi nodded his agreement. “I’ve made one mistake in digging where it doesn’t concern me, I’m not going to make it worse.”

At last, Choukou’s full-fledged smile came into place, brighter than even the fluorescent lights above. She clapped her hands together. “Good. Now, I assume this get-together wasn’t just to make Me-chan freak out. You two on a date or something?”

“Choukou-san!” Megumi protested, almost choking on the last bite of her sandwich. She fumbled for her cup, taking in desperate gulps through her straw.

“This is a tutoring session, nothing more,” Higuchi said. He looked back to his stacked up notes. “Speaking of which, are you still feeling up for this, Kaizuto-san? I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to just head home for the day. We can pick up after practice on Saturday if you need to.”

Megumi shook her head hard enough to send her ponytail flying in all directions. “I can handle it. I don’t want to waste your time, Senpai.” Choukou gave her a sideways look. “Really, I’ll be okay. I want to learn this and I’m not getting anywhere on my own. So, please.” She bowed the best she could without face-planting into the table.

There was silence for a few moments, and Megumi didn’t dare look up. She focused on taking short, even breaths, just to regain what little internal balance she could. Choukou’s presence somehow made it easier.

Choukou clapped her hands together. “Well, you heard Me-chan, Senpai.” She hopped to her feet, digging inside her bag. When she emerged, she held a pastel colored wallet with several sheep printed on it. “I wanna see what she’s getting into at club, so I’ll stick around for a bit. I’ll be back after I grab some munchies!” Then she zipped off at a pace that left no room for doubt that she’d been in the track club.

“She’s a handful,” Higuchi said, though the exasperation in his voice didn’t quite make it to his face. “Either way, I hope she doesn’t provide too much of a distraction.” Megumi finished wiping off her hands and set aside her tray to make room for her own notes. “Okay, we covered the basics already, let’s talk about the match you guys had on Tuesday…”

* * *

The time approaching the Inter-High went faster than Megumi had expected.

Club meetings became a blur of intense sessions and practice games, and by the end of it she couldn’t even remember just where she’d traveled to on any day of the week. While Rakuzan held onto the tenant that their victory was assured, it didn’t make them lazy. If anything, the pride of their past record pushed every single member harder, even those on the lower strings that wouldn’t be playing.

Free time further became an illusion as the classwork load picked up to accommodate for the approaching exams. Choukou and Kenta sent regular mails (Choukou asked for any and all details of how Megumi was doing, Kenta focused on other matters, like the shogi club’s successful budget submission for new boards), but meeting up in person was harder to make happen. In some ways, Megumi was grateful, because she didn’t think she could handle any of the social interaction on top of everything else she was juggling.

So when Yamada-sensei caught Megumi as she was packing up on Friday afternoon, the only emotion left to feel over the situation was exasperation.

“Sorry to impose like this, Kaizuto-san,” Yamada said as they navigated the throng of exiting students. Over the chatter, Yamada’s high heels still sent an imposing click through the halls. “I would’ve liked to talk to you next week, but I know you’ll be out of school because of the tournament schedule. We haven’t gotten the chance to talk in a while, though, so I did want to catch up with you.”

“It’s fine,” Megumi said, even though it wasn’t fine at all. These sorts of impromptu encounters were the exact sort of thing that put her on edge. She’d already blocked out her time for the day and everything. Dodging around a student who seemed to be rushing back to his classroom for something he forgot, Megumi gripped onto her bag’s handle. “I know you’re busy, too, Sensei.”

_Couldn’t you get busy enough that you don’t have time to waste on me anymore?_

“I do appreciate it.” Yamada opened the door to her office and didn’t say any more until they were inside. Before Megumi could say otherwise, the counselor was already preparing a fresh batch of tea. Megumi settled in and waited for a few minutes, trying to think of answers to Yamada’s possible questions in advance. “Alright, here we go.” Two teacups were placed on the desk with a rattle, and Yamada sunk into her own chair with her friendly smile in place. “How have you been doing, Kaizuto-san?”

“I’m fine,” Megumi said, her own smile feeling as forced as it was. “You, Sensei?”

“I’m well, thanks. But I wanna hear about you.” Yamada picked up her cup of tea, blowing steam away from the top. “It seems like you’ve been keeping busy with the Basketball Club. How are you feeling about going to Inter-High?”

If she were to be honest, Megumi felt way out of place, no matter what kind of preparation Higuchi had been giving her. His awareness had helped, but Megumi still felt the pressure to get up to standard. “Well, everyone’s been working hard, so I’m sure we’ll be fine. I have no doubt that we’ll be successful.” The constant speeches from Shirogane had imprinted that mentality. Yamada took a drink, leaving a mark of lipstick across the rim of her teacup. She didn’t push for a more focused answer, but Megumi could tell she wasn’t getting out of here without talking about herself. “I’m a bit nervous about being around so many people. Even if Higuchi-senpai is going to be the one on the bench, it’s bound to be a big crowd, isn’t it?”

“Yes, the final tournament rounds do tend to attract a lot of attention.” Yamada spun her teacup in her hands, not once spilling a drop. Not wanting to be rude, Megumi picked up her own cup, but couldn’t bring herself to take a drink. “You should be seated with your teammates, though. There’s enough of you that it should keep you in familiar territory, even with the crowd.”

“That’s kind of what’s been keeping me from freaking out about it.” In the end, she didn’t have to do much, other than help load everyone in, keep track of the members, and watch the game. Her actual presence wasn’t going to amount to much in the long run, but she needed to be present so she could learn. “Higuchi-senpai’s been helping me out, too, so it shouldn’t be too bad.”

Yamada nodded, her eyes flicking to the ceiling. “Yes, the lead manager. He’s a hard worker, so I’m sure you two get along, yes?” Well enough. Megumi nodded, then took a hasty drink of her tea to keep Yamada from reading any uncertainty in her expression. The warmth that permeated through the teacup to her fingers was enough to scald Megumi’s throat on the way down. “And you’re still getting along with the Yoshida cousins?” Considering how long it had been since Megumi had met with the counselor, she was surprised Yamada remembered their names.

“Yes, we’re still friends.” It was strange to think of holding onto a relationship with someone else for so long, let alone a proper friendship. Even so, it felt more nice than strange. Overall, her near breakdown aside, she was doing well. Much better than she’d expected for herself. “I actually feel good about myself. Is that weird?”

Yamada shook her head, nails tapping against the sides of her teacup. “No, Kaizuto-san, that’s what we want to hear.” Megumi’s smile became a bit less forced. Even if she hadn’t told Yamada everything, the positive feedback still helped. “I just wanted to see how you were doing, and you seem to be fine. So if there’s nothing else you want to talk about, we can cut this short, though my doors are open anytime, okay?”

Megumi nodded, putting down her half-drunk tea before gathering her things. “Thank you, Yamada-sensei. If you don’t mind, I’d like to get going so I can study.”

“Not at all. Good luck with Inter-High, Kaizuto-san!”

But Megumi had already snatched up her bag and left the room.


	12. 12—Hallway

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

12—Hallway

* * *

_A tempest doesn't form on its own_

* * *

The venue for the Inter-High was crowded. Way too crowded. People covered every centimeter of the area outside the venue, only parting when the obvious mass of color indicated a basketball club entering. Rakuzan, in its stark white and blue rimmed uniforms, cut open a path the moment they stepped off their buses, though inside the venue was just as crowded. Teams from across the entire country worked their way to their locker rooms, a variety of coaches and managers shouting out instructions. The amount of pressure coming from them was incredible, every single team ready to win.

Not a single member of Rakuzan was out of line, following Shirogane’s lead. Near the front of the throng, Megumi fidgeted with the buttons on her own jacket over her school uniform. It was nice to be acknowledged as part of the team, but she could’ve done without the pressure that any mistakes she made could be tracked back to her club without difficulty. Having Akashi right in front of her didn’t help matters, either. Not that he was even looking at her.

Higuchi took note of Megumi’s gaze, that same small twitch of frustration slipping onto his face. Megumi hadn’t told him about what Akashi had said, but he still suspected. She didn’t want to be the cause of any discord, either. “You don’t have to worry about me, Senpai,” Megumi said. It was hard to find the balance between speaking loud enough to be heard over the bustle of the crowd but not enough to catch Akashi’s attention. “Your lessons have been perfect. I know just what I need to do.”

“Yeah. Right,” Higuchi said, sounding the most distracted Megumi had ever heard him. It was strange, to see the upperclassman who always had things together appear so normal. “Are you feeling in a better mood, then?” It was the easiest way he had come up with to ask if she was pushing her limit without being too obvious.

There was a coil of anxiety in her gut, but that was her norm. Megumi nodded. “I’m ready to go.” She patted the bag she’d hefted over her shoulder, which held the school banner. “We’ll get set up in the stands and cheer you on. So do—” Saying _Do your best_ seemed childish given the team’s standards. “So make sure everyone can play to their full capacity, Senpai.”

Higuchi blinked, then breathed out a chuckle. “Now you’re getting it, Kaizuto-san,” he said with a smile. “But watch and learn. I’ll show you just how a manager handles a real game.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

When the time came for Rakuzan to play their first game of the day, Megumi didn’t feel so bad being left to the stands with the rest of the club.

* * *

The experience of keeping track of the club members was something that Megumi could handle. It helped that there were enough third years not on the first string that were all responsible enough to make sure their underclassmen didn’t get too rowdy.

But watching Rakuzan play was another story.

Their presence hadn’t faded in the slightest, and Megumi knew enough to recognize their opponent as something out of their league. But when it came to the real court, and not a practice match, the aura that Rakuzan had on a regular basis somehow managed to multiply. It took all Megumi had to keep up with the score, let alone the actual level of play. It served as a reminder of her sports ineptitude, but that wasn’t all it did.

Rakuzan was strong.

_Her team_—even if she didn’t feel like she had any part in making it that way—was strong.

_It’s a good thing I’m not on the bench. I’d never be able to keep up with this._

Megumi leaned forward in her seat. It was nice to have a view from above the game, but it made it hard to pick up the level of detail she’d gotten used to from on the bench. But she didn’t need to be close up to tell where each the starting lineup’s strengths lied. It was a bit easier in that there were three main players that carried most of the weight.

Mibuchi Reo wasn’t the Vice Captain for nothing, his skill more than earning his place. As the shooting guard, he could pull of great three-pointers, plus had the capacity to make his opponents second guess themselves and their blocks.

Nebuya Eikichi stood out the most from his dark skin and massive bulk for a high schooler, but his strength contributed to his Center position well. Each time he scored a dunk, the rattling of the net echoed all throughout the stadium.

And, last of the three, Hayama Kotaro, also easy to keep track of through his blonde hair, which was good because of how fast he was. He could zip through opponents with ease, as expected of a small forward.

It could’ve just been the three of them playing against their five opponents, and Megumi felt the result would’ve been then same. Recalling the member book she’d been studying, Megumi knew them all to be second years. She also remembered Higuchi had left a note by their names that hadn’t appeared anywhere else in the member roster.

_Is this what he meant by Uncrowned Generals?_

By the time she’d made the connection, the match was already over, and Rakuzan had won. Reaching for the small tournament packet Higuchi had given her, she marked out the results of the other matches, marking out the next tournament block.

Their next opponent was Yosen High.

* * *

“So, what did you notice about today?” Higuchi asked from the bus seat across the aisle from Megumi. Unlike the practice matches, the bus was filled to the brim, and Megumi could feel the laughter through the seat behind her. It seemed even the confidence of victory didn’t stop them from reveling in it. Megumi turned sideways in her seat to face her senior manager.

“Um, everyone’s really strong?” she tried. Higuchi gave her an amused smile. “Sorry, things went way too fast for me to do better than that. I’m used to the second and third string’s pace, so a proper tournament is on a whole other level. But the second years regulars were incredible, weren’t they?”

Higuchi nodded, flipping through his notes. Megumi noticed several pages of what looked to be fresh but hasty scribbles. “Those guys are something else, without a doubt. They’re top players, and we’re lucky that we got three of them, really.” Megumi’s confusion must’ve been showing on her face, because Higuchi tossed his book aside. “Right, we were so focused on the rules that we didn’t even get into player analytics, did we?”

“Sorry for the trouble.” Higuchi’s mouth opened, then it shut as he thought over his next words. Megumi pulled her knees up to her chest. “You know, I won’t be offended if you just say what you’re really thinking and don’t try to sugar coat it. It’s easier for me to figure out what’s expected of me without any games.”

“You can say that, but we know it’s not best for you.” Choukou must’ve made an impression. Megumi would have to thank her again later for the help. “Like I said, you’re part of the team, and as manager, it’s my job to work with you.”

“As manager, it’s my job to perform the best I can,” Megumi said. The bus ran over a pothole, jostling her in her seat. She leaned against the back for extra support. “I still have more to learn. I can’t do that if you don’t tell me, Senpai.”

They looked at each other as if caught in a staring contest. Higuchi didn’t blink, but he was the first to speak. “It’s inconvenient how much time we’ve spent on it, but you’re picking up things well enough that I’ll allow it.” The middle ground seemed to work best for both of them. “In any event, you already know that we’re the top school, but there’s certain top players that are in the high school circuit right now.”

“The Uncrowned Generals?” Megumi asked, glad for a chance to ask about the term. It was easier knowing that the boys in question were on the other bus and not just mere meters away.

“Well, yes, them.” Higuchi sounded surprised that she’d even remembered. Megumi counted that as a victory in itself. “Mibuchi, Hayama, and Nebuya are part of that group, and there are two others that attend different schools. But ‘Uncrowned’ is in their name for a reason, you know? Because there’s another group that cropped up in middle school around the same time the Generals were starting to hit their stride:

“The Generation of Miracles.”

Megumi wasn’t quite sure if she was supposed to laugh or not, but Higuchi’s serious expression assured her that it wasn’t a joke. Then again, compared to Rakuzan’s moniker of the “Emperor of Creation,” it wasn’t very much out of place. And if she thought back, there had been talk of something like that amongst the club members, hadn’t there?

“So these Generation of Miracles.” The name sounded ridiculous even coming out of her mouth. There had to be a less embarrassing way to say it. “What exactly makes them so…miraculous?”

Higuchi’s lips quirked into a small smile. Maybe Megumi wasn’t overthinking how the whole thing sounded. “Well, they’re prodigies for starters. All five of them went to Teiko Middle School. Most of them were regulars by their first year, and they pushed their team to the top of nationals all three years. They’re so stupid good that I bet most high schoolers wouldn’t stand a chance against them back then. And, well, this is the year they all enter high school.”

Megumi swallowed. She didn’t even have to play on the court, but the whole concept was just too intimidating to think about. “If they’re better than our Uncrowned Generals, doesn’t that mean they’re a team we might have trouble with?” She believed in Rakuzan, but the whole affair still sounded like trouble to her.

Her worries seemed trivial the moment Higuchi snorted.

“Sorry,” he said at her hurt look. “We’re lucky enough that for whatever reason, the whole Generation of Miracles ended up going to different schools. Kaijo and Shuutoku, where two of the Miracles went to, already got bumped out Inter-High in their prefectural matches. We play Yosen tomorrow, then Touou will most likely be our opponent in the finals.”

Megumi went for her tournament bracket, tracing the kanji on the edges. Sure enough, Touou was on the opposing side, their semi-finals match against Onita High. She committed the other teams to memory: _Kaijo, Shuutoku, Yosen, Touou…_

“Senpai, that’s four schools,” Megumi said, holding up a matching amount of fingers. “Isn’t there a fifth? Or did two of them enroll in the same school?” That sounded like double the challenge if it were the case.

Higuchi stared for a moment before blinking. She had to give him credit for catching his laugh that time, but that didn’t stop the rush of blood to her face. Wasn’t there some way she could ask a question without sounding so stupid?

“No, there’s not a fifth one or some super team. If anything, that super team is us.” With a grin, Higuchi shifted to the edge of his seat right beside the aisle and pointed out the front window. The first string bus idled ahead at a stoplight. “Three Uncrowned Generals plus Akashi. We’ve got the Generation of Miracles’ Captain.”

* * *

The first thing Megumi did when she got home was drop her bag at the door and head for her stack of reference materials next to the window. It was dark outside, with the faintest pinpricks of light that substituted for stars hanging above. Taking care not to topple the stack of books, Megumi slid out her separated First String roster and flipped through the opening pages.

Even in just a photo, Akashi’s image sent a shiver down Megumi’s spine. His words from before whispered somewhere in the back of her mind, but she dragged a finger across the paper to focus her thoughts. Sure enough, in the former school’s section was Teiko Middle School, and his prior club experience noted his former position as captain as well. He had lead a sort of urban legend team and hadn’t missed a step in reclaiming his role upon entering high school.

Megumi let the binder slip out of her lap with a groan. “He really is some sort of superhuman, huh?” No wonder he looked down on her so much. Megumi let herself fall backwards at the door and stared at the ceiling. “He’s done so much already and I need help to even know what direction I’m supposed to be looking.” Tears started to sting at her eyes, and she dried them up with her jacket sleeve.

_Well, I can sit here and whine or I can do something about it._

Her current weakness was her cluelessness. Higuchi was helping, but she couldn’t just let everyone else hand things to her. She had to play her part as a manager. Research on other players was part of that.

For lack of having a computer and it getting too late to go to the local library and make any decent headway, Megumi went for her phone. She hadn’t expected a search for the Generation of Miracles to be too fruitful, but several news articles appeared without much prompting. She dug in as far as she could, tracing their history from the first few mentions of the title to its explosion as they dominated the middle school basketball circuit. There were even a few interviews, and, while they were short, Akashi’s responses were given with the confidence he still carried himself with.

Even in middle school he’d been so self-assured. It must’ve been nice.

Going past Teiko, there were still a number of more recent sports articles that mentioned the Miracles, and the Inter-High matchups seemed to be of great interest to everyone. Former teammates were competing against each other, and there was much hype over seeing who would prove to be the strongest. Not once had Akashi mentioned anything, but Megumi felt herself worrying more than she needed to. How would he feel, knowing that he would be playing against his friend in the next match?

Megumi didn’t have any old friends to compare the experience to, but she imagined it must’ve been something awful.

* * *

It ended up not mattering, because Murasakibara didn’t play in the semi-finals match. And neither did Akashi.

It was a closer game than Megumi had seen anyone else get to with Rakuzan, though there was still a ten point gap in place. Yosen, as Shirogane had warned, had a very tight defense, making it harder for even the trio of Uncrowned Generals to do as they wanted. It still resulted in a victory, so there wasn’t much reason to complain. Part of Megumi was relieved to see that the others could have something like a difficult time, that they were just normal kids with a bit of sports talent and maybe she wasn’t so different from them.

The other part of her was stuck in a state of unease that didn’t come from her usual anxiety. Not having it a name for it made it more intimidating.

As Higuchi had predicted, Touou won their match as well, with a much more impressive point gap. The whole of Rakuzan watched from the stands, the players making comments between themselves with the occasional input from Shirogane. Aomine, Touou’s Generation of Miracles member, was fast on a par with Hayama, and played unlike anything Megumi had ever seen. According to the others, it was a less structured street ball style of play. All Megumi knew was that it hurt her head to even try to keep up.

But Akashi didn’t seem impressed, or even paying that much attention. It should’ve been a good thing, to see their captain so unintimidated by the opponent before them. But something sick coiled inside Megumi, and it followed her all the way up to the opening of the Inter-High finals.

Akashi didn’t bother to play then, either.

At first she’d thought it was because he was preserving himself into top condition for the endgame. But seeing him watch the semi-finals, she knew it was something different. He didn’t even consider his former teammates—the other top players from the middle school circuit—to be worth his effort.

The victory of his _current_ teammates wasn’t worth his effort.

When the game called for halftime, Megumi shot up from her seat, fists clenched in her skirt. It was strange to be moving with such purpose that wasn’t about getting away. Her early exit meant she managed to miss most of the halftime crowd, and it took just a few minutes to make it towards the locker rooms. Her footsteps pounded against the empty halls, and by the time she rounded the nearest corner, she was almost out of breath.

But she still went forward.

One step at a time.

In the hallway, not even with his team, Akashi was hunched over a water fountain. He still managed to look like the king of the world in his club sweats and wiping stray water from his chin. There was no doubt: he was from another world, and his claims of being absolute seemed legitimate.

Somehow, Megumi stepped forward. Her hands were still balled into fists, the nails stinging against her palms. Her mouth was dry, but that didn’t stop the words from coming out.

“Akashi-kun, I’d like to have a word with you.”

Akashi looked up, his mismatched eyes narrowed in a glare. Megumi jutted out her chin and didn’t back down from looking in his eyes. Because the feeling in Megumi’s gut hadn’t been fear, but anger.


	13. 13—Hallway II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for physical abuse (mentioned), some violence, and panic attacks. Please read with caution.

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

13—Hallway II

* * *

_Everything succumbs to thunder_

* * *

Megumi had never felt anger much before—she’d hardly had the opportunity—so it was a foreign sensation coursing through her veins. Her heart throbbed, and a near insufferable heat seemed to overtake her chest and mind. The only thing she’d ever felt stronger than it was the overwhelming rush of when her APD acted up, but it wasn’t present now. Just anger, and a little flicker of a feeling Megumi knew was disappointment.

Akashi did little to acknowledge her words, continuing to fill his water bottle to the rim. It seemed like a waste since he hadn’t even bothered to step foot on court, and Megumi’s hands clenched into fists at the same time her teeth ground together. Anger was emboldening, if not a little scary. She let it power her forward.

“Akashi-kun,” she said again, her voice somehow still calm. For the first time in ages, Megumi wanted to scream, but it wouldn’t do her any good. Akashi at last looked up, his mismatched eyes somewhat narrowed. He twisted the lid back on his water bottle in precise movements. “Is there a reason you’re not on the court right now?”

“Is there a reason you’re not with the second and third stringers right now?” he asked in return. Under any other circumstances, Megumi’s mind would have flown off, trying to come up with a reasonable response. As things were, she felt justified. “You didn’t just come this way to ask such an innate question, did you?”

Megumi stepped closer, her sneakers squeaking against the clean tile floor. Every spectator was focused on the finals match taking place in the gymnasium, leaving the rest of the building feeling abandoned, despite the bright lighting. She couldn’t quite look at him, but she put more force into her voice than she’d expected. “I want an answer.”

Akashi breathed out a sigh, as if the entire conversation were tiresome. “There’s no point in my playing. Rakuzan will achieve victory regardless.” His presence would have been stifling, were it not for the fresh wave of fury that ignited inside her. “This isn’t a matter that someone who rests so low on the totem pole should even concern themselves with.”

“So it’s alright for you to just regard it because you’re so high up?” Megumi’s nails stung as they pressed into her palms. “I don’t care if you’re the captain or one of the Generation of Miracles or whatever. That’s just wrong. The way you’re looking at this is all wrong.” She’d never attempted to play sports—just going through gym class was terrifying enough on her own—but Megumi could tell that much. “Isn’t victory meaningless if you don’t contribute to it in some way?”

Akashi raised an eyebrow. “By that logic, isn’t the presence of the third and second strings just a pointless formality? In the end, all they can do is sit by and leave it to those who’ve made it to the court.”

The words weren’t what Megumi had meant, but Akashi was more than eloquent enough to turn them back on her. After listening to his perfect answers in class, she wasn’t surprised. “Their efforts aren’t useless,” she said, willing her voice to come out stronger than a whisper. Though she’d been their manager for such a short period of time, Megumi could tell that much. “They’ve all worked hard. And if…if they really are leaving things to the ones on the court, that’s even more of a reason for you to be out there.”

“And I’ve told you, this isn’t a victory they need me to achieve. I wouldn’t side with a team as pathetic as that.”

Did he really think that needing someone else was pathetic? _Isn’t it, though?_ something said in Megumi’s mind. _You can’t get by on your own or with the help of others. You’re the pathetic one._ Her mouth went dry at the thought, and the rage inside her burned against the sudden loss in momentum.

“I don’t have time for your pointless arguments, Megumi. Do go make yourself at least somewhat useful.” The water bottle tight in his grip, Akashi turned on his heel, ready to leave.

Megumi didn’t let him.

“Do you even hear yourself when you talk?” she asked, the words snapping out of her throat. The aftermath stung like sparks of electricity. Akashi paused, not once losing his pristine posture as he glanced over his shoulder at her. Megumi marched forward, the entire world around her thudding in her ears. “You act like you’re above everything. And, yes, you’re talented. Yes, you’re incredible. But that doesn’t mean you can just act like you’ve above putting the effort into a team you’re in charge of!”

Akashi didn’t deign to give her a response. That was good, because Megumi didn’t think she’d have the courage to continue if he threw another flawless counterargument back at her.

“What’s the point on looking down on everyone?” she continued, adrenaline making the words tumble out of her lips like an incessant waterfall. “As a leader, it’s your job to build other people up. You have the charisma and the talent to do that, Akashi-kun. Why don’t you bother to put it to good use?”

_Why is it that when you have everything I’ve ever wanted you don’t do anything with it?_

“Are you done?” Akashi asked, at last turning back to face her. Where Megumi could feel herself trying to catch her breath, he looked as calm as ever. No, not fully. There was a slight crease in his eyebrows, as if he’d run low on patience. Unfortunately for him, Megumi didn’t feel satisfied in the slightest. “You’re wasting your time, acting on things that don’t concern—”

“It does concern me!”

The sound of her own voice rebounding around the empty hallway almost made her flinch, but Akashi had no such concerns. “What makes you think my decisions have anything to do with you?” Megumi wished he would stop acting so poised for a second, it would make everything so much easier. “Your opinion doesn’t—"

“It matters,” Megumi said, inhaling in as much air as she could before looking up from the ground, “because I’m one of this team’s managers.” For a second, she locked eyes with him, that overpowering scarlet and brilliant gold seeming almost ethereal as she tried to regain some form of calm.

Megumi didn’t even get the chance to feel proud of herself.

In movements too fast to follow, Akashi moved. His water bottle crashed to the ground, staying shut but letting out the almost hollow-sounding echo of plastic against tile. Megumi’s back felt the first impact, then the sharp sting of pain as her skull cracked into the wall. The cold surface fought with what little body heat she had left, and for a second she didn’t remember how to breathe, and then she did, so she tried to suck in as much breath as she could, but her lungs wouldn’t cooperate.

It was several far too delayed seconds before she recognized there was a hand around her neck.

It wasn’t squeezing or putting any form of pressure, but it was there, the unmistakable contact of skin on skin. If she wanted to, there was enough room for her to breathe, but her body refused to cooperate. Every ounce of panic and anxiety that she had somehow shoved off had returned in full force, accompanied by a bone deep terror that hadn’t come to her in ages.

“I thought I told you,” the boy holding her neck said, “not to look me in the eyes.”

In the rational corner of her mind, she knew it was Akashi—her classmate, her fellow member of the Rakuzan basketball team. But that corner had become very, very small in the light of everything else. Her vision wouldn’t focus, no matter how hard she tried to remind herself of where she was or to latch onto her surroundings. Everything was so far away—

_\--and just like that she was young again, unchanged, just a few months ago and all the months and years before it. She was here because she’d screwed up. Said the wrong thing, won the game too many times, just happened to be around when they were in a bad mood. The reasons didn’t matter. What was happening hurt, and if she hurt then that meant she’d screwed up and she deserved it._

_But she didn’t like it. She never liked it. She didn’t want to feel pain, especially over what seemed like nothing. But they told her, they always told her, that it was only fair that things came to that. After all, she’d been lucky, she’d been blessed, not like them. So it was her turn to put up with it, and if she didn’t want to hurt them maybe she should just do as she was told and know her place._

_And though it was futile, though she’d learned that no matter what she said would never make it stop, she still tried—_

“I’m sorry… Onee-san… Onii-san…”

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. Megumi didn’t know when she’d closed her eyes, but it didn’t matter. It had never mattered. She could still see them, their images burned into her memory. Always there. Always a reminder. Always _You deserve this, Megumi-chan, it’s only fair—_

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to please stop it was an accident I’m sorry I’ll behave please no more I’m sorry I’m sorry—”

The words spilling out of her mouth sounded like nonsense, even to her. They never did any good, but it was all she could do to appease them. She’d said them so many times that each syllable had lost its meaning long ago. But she still needed to try, because if she didn’t, it would just get worse. She knew that better than anything else. So that was all she could do.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry please forgive me—”

The hand at her neck left, removing the deceptive softness of skin from against her own. Megumi’s legs had long lost the capacity to support themselves, and she slipped down to the floor, sliding down along the wall. Her bare calves pressed into the cold tile floor, and goosebumps erupted on her skin. She hugged her own chest. Her legs weren’t anything to worry about, her legs would be fine, but her arms—

“Megumi,” said a voice that was too much of a tenor to be her brother’s.

An unrelenting bolt of clarity shot through Megumi’s mind, but only for a second. She recognized enough of her surroundings to know she wasn’t at home anymore. She was far away, she’d gone far away. She was in public, a place where things were normal, where she didn’t have to worry about what she said or did until far later, until they were alone. But they wouldn’t be alone, because she had moved, she had gone to Kyoto, and they weren’t there—

_—but I’m not safe._

Before Akashi could say anything else, Megumi pushed herself up onto her trembling legs and ran.

Her footsteps were thunder against the floor, echoing off the walls. Everything was stark white, save for the blurs of accented color that rushed past her vision. It didn’t matter where she was going, so long as it was away. Somewhere by herself. Where she could piece back together the fragments of her self-control. Adrenaline shot through her, powered by her flight response more than her anger. It seemed like such a distant memory, that feeling, one that wasn’t suited to her at all.

_But Akashi—_

Still running, she tried to push the thought off. Terror still reigned over her mind. She couldn’t think about him. She didn’t want to think about anything. Her lungs and legs burned from her exertion, and hot tears stained her cheeks, dried by the air whisking by as she continued to run. Her body felt unreasonably heavy and not at all like hers at once.

After several minutes, Megumi managed to catch sight of a restroom sign. It was a public one, meaning that there was every chance that someone else would come in to use it, but it was better than nothing. Almost tripping over herself, Megumi stumbled into stall, the sound of the lock scraping into place only doing so much to reassure her. She pressed her back into the door and clutched at her chest, trying not to think too much about the open space along the ground.

Her sharp breaths intermingled with her sobs, the sounds echoing throughout the bathroom. Her tears hadn’t come anywhere close to drying up, salt residue clinging to her cheeks and meeting with fresh streams of water pouring out. Megumi didn’t have the sense of mind to wipe them away, still clinging to the front of her basketball club jacket.

_Right, I’m part of the basketball club at Rakuzan. I go to school in Kyoto._ Recalling one of the techniques her former therapist had taught her, Megumi focused on reorienting herself in the present, trying to distance herself from the all too vivid memories. _We traveled to the Inter-High finals, but we’re not in Kanagawa. We’re not anywhere close to them. Onee-san and Onii-san aren’t here._

That hadn’t done anything to protect her, though. It had been brief, but the pressure of Akashi’s hand on her neck still felt like it had burned a mark on her skin. Megumi hunched over, trying to replace the sensation with the plush fabric of her still new jacket. She couldn’t think about it, she couldn’t think about it. Switching gears, Megumi forced herself to think about her surroundings.

_This is a restroom in the Inter-High stadium,_ she told herself, then scrutinized every feature of the stall around her. The walls were a light gray, and the hard plastic of the door seemed textured behind her. Much like the rest of the stadium, the single wall of the room had a coat of pristine white paint on it. The tiles were clear of any grout, but a few of the ones along the back wall had cracks in them that met with the fraying seal where wall met floor. Several scratches lined the metal of the toilet paper holder and pad/tampon disposal, while the toilet itself was automatic, looking like a recent installation.

Somewhere during the process, Megumi’s breath started to even out. Tears still stung at her eyes, but they weren’t flowing as fast. Her fingers had started to cramp from clutching at her jacket for so long, and she slowly loosened her grip, relieving the muscles. When she tried to move, her legs felt stiff as well. All things considered, Megumi was surprised she hadn’t fallen over.

Since no one else had come to the restroom, the game didn’t seem to have finished yet. Megumi didn’t want to think about how long she’d been absent. Had the second and third string members noticed? Was Akashi trying to find her, or had he gone back to the court where he belonged? Megumi may have thrown him off when she escaped, but, as an athlete, Akashi could have easily caught up with her.

_Does he even care, though? _She couldn’t tell. Everything had started to lose meaning after a certain point, and even the argument beforehand had become somewhat blurry in her memory. _I was out of line, though. No wonder he got angry._ If she went back to the gymnasium, she’d have to deal with him sooner or later. If not during the game but in the aftermath.

_No._ She didn’t want to be near him, even if it wasn’t direct contact. She didn’t want to have to see him. It would just remind her, and _that_ would remind her of worse things, and nothing would get better. Yes, it was better to stay away. _I need to stay safe, I need to stay safe._

_I need to see the sky._

She’d calmed down somewhat, but everything else inside of her still screamed for some sort of release. The bathroom didn’t smell bad thanks to an impeccable cleaning job by the stadium staff, but the air inside was always too stuffy, and everything was too plain, too sterile. If she could go outside, get away, she’d be fine.

It took several minutes for Megumi to build the courage to even unlock the door, and several more following that to leave the stall and clean off her face. The idea of Akashi waiting outside the restroom paralyzed her, but she pushed past the fear and poked her head into the hall. It was empty, not a trace of another person. Not knowing how long it would be until the game concluded and people started flooding towards the exit, Megumi clutched onto her jacket and tried to find her way outside.

She hadn’t paid attention to her surroundings in the slightest as she’d ran away, so she fumbled around the halls for a while until she came across a sign that pointed her in the right direction. Once she caught a glimpse of sunlight beyond the glass doors, Megumi almost sprinted outside.

The day was still right, and the press of warm early summer air washed over her in stark contrast to the intense air conditioning of the stadium. She hadn’t made it out the entrance Rakuzan had used, but she recognized the plaza from the several bus rides past. But that didn’t matter as much as the stretch of pale blue above her, melting into the palest of gray clouds over the horizon. Megumi stood in place and craned her neck back, staring into the heavens and trying to lose herself in its expanse. Thanks to the open area around the stadium, no tall buildings threatened to block her view and break the illusion.

The illusion that she was no longer on earth.

That she longer had to stay connected to her fragile body.

“Hey,” she said, voice once again thick with tears, “is there any way you can take me away from here?”

Megumi tried to convince herself to enter the stadium and rejoin her team in the stands. But her wallet and cell phone were in her pockets, and she was on a train back home before she knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the guest for the kudos!


	14. 14—Distance

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

14—Distance

* * *

_Amidst the hurricane, we seek sanctuary_

* * *

Megumi didn’t go to school the next day.

Or the next.

She couldn’t even convince herself to get out of her futon most of the time, unless she absolutely had to. Though it was just a cocoon of blankets, it was the only place where she could even feel the slightest sliver of safety. Doing anything else left her too open, too exposed, too _vulnerable_ to everything dangerous in the world. If she wasn’t eyeing the double bolts on her apartment door to ensure that they hadn’t come unlocked when she wasn’t looking, she was staring out her window at the blue sky, willing herself to somehow escape into the expanse above. It never happened, and she always felt a disproportionate sense of despair.

Whenever night fell, it just got worse.

It wasn’t that Megumi didn’t think the night sky was beautiful in its own way, but it was hard to see it through the orange haze that the Kyoto buildings imposed upon it. Nighttime also tugged on her usual rhythm to fall asleep, but Megumi refused. She had tried napping when she’d first gotten home, but all it had gotten her were nightmares—ones that were familiar but seemed all the worse for the time she’d gone without them, no matter how short the months were in consideration. She forced herself to stand at a vigil, even though her eyes burned, and her mind throbbed for release. The hours had become meaningless, but all that mattered was that she stayed awake so that no one could possibly hurt her, though she did lapse into short, fitful episodes of rest that barely lasted a few hours.

Though she couldn’t bring herself to look at her bare skin, she knew from plenty of experience that Akashi’s hand hadn’t left a bruise, but that didn’t mean the sensation had faded; as far as Megumi was concerned, it was worse than the _actual_ bruise on the back of her head where she’d slammed into the wall. Back then, the two of them had always been careful not to leave any obvious marks, but that didn’t limit their capacity to inflict harm.

Megumi went through phases of just managing to feel like she wasn’t about to collapse into millions of pieces and losing all capability to breathe. Somehow, through all the years, she still had tears left inside her to cry. Though she tried to stay as still as possible, she ultimately gave in to the burning sensation inside her throat, begging for something to drink. It was much easier to avoid eating food, especially since she hadn’t had much in her kitchen before sequestering herself inside. Of all things, she’d been planning to go shopping after getting back from the Inter-High, just to make herself something special for successfully serving as the manager in an official capacity.

_What a joke._

All she’d needed to do was sit with the non-starters and cheer on the team. It hadn’t mattered who was on the court; that wasn’t her area to even think about, let alone speak on. She’d been out of line, just like she’d always been. It was no wonder Akashi had been upset, had lashed out.

A very small voice inside her tried to remind her that those things weren’t a reason, weren’t even an excuse, but the words were swallowed up by the rest of the storm raging through her.

* * *

On what Megumi thought was the third day she hadn’t gone to school, there was a knock on her apartment door. It was the kind of knock that was intentionally careful, so it was audible, but not booming. Even with that consideration, though, Megumi still near leapt out of her skin at the sound, pulling her blanket even tighter around her. Aside from the fact that it had been light outside for quite a while, she had no idea what time it potentially was—or who would bother visiting her regardless.

A paranoid idea came to mind that somehow her siblings had figured out where she had run away to, and the hot, acidic press of empty bile began burned against her throat, but she stifled the gag as best she could—and then a voice called out from the opposite end of the door:

“Me-chan?”

It was Choukou. Choukou, speaking in that same calm yet empathetic way she’d done in the restaurant’s bathroom when Megumi had shut down. The only difference as that Choukou had raised her voice enough so that Megumi could still hear it through the door. And even though the fragment of logic Megumi still had at her disposal said that it would be okay, that Choukou was safe, a response couldn’t even begin to take shape in Megumi’s mind, let alone her mouth.

“Me-chan, if you’re in there, it’s Choukou and Kenta. You haven’t been at school and you didn’t message us, either. We’re not mad, but we’re really worried. If there’s anything we can do to help, please let us know. Even if there isn’t, we just want to know if you’re still okay, as best as you can be, whatever that is.”

“You can take your time if you need to, but we’re always here to help when you need it, okay?” Kenta said next. Through the haze and panic of her overtaxed mind, Megumi could picture their expressions, kind and patient and _safe_, like they were sitting across the table at the café to chat after clubs. “You have us, Kaizuto-san, no matter what.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’d like it if you’d open the door. If we can’t help, we’ll leave you alone, but…” There was a faint sense of desperation in Choukou’s voice, even though she was trying to hide it. Megumi wanted to answer, wanted to let them know that she’d let them in if she could, but she was too afraid of what could happen, that the worst-case scenario would come to laugh in her face and leave her broken one more time. “We really care about you, Me-chan. No matter what, please remember that.”

What hurt the most was that Megumi knew they really meant it, but she still couldn’t bring herself to move. She was too raw, too vulnerable to let anyone in, though the fragments of her mind wanted to. But everything else awful was a much stronger force, one ready to consume her whole. Maybe, if she could pull herself together a little more, heal so that she was covered in scabs instead of just open wounds, she could have done it—but not now.

Choukou and Kenta were good at respecting that, and, once they’d said their piece, they fell silent. Waiting for a bit, just in case Megumi needed a bit of time. She could picture them sitting sentry by the door, without any care for the time they were wasting, almost like guards that would keep anyone unwanted away. Megumi managed to doze off for a peaceful rest with their comfort, but it faded once there was another gentle knock on the door again.

“Kaizuto-san, we’re going to head out,” Kenta said, his voice soft. Megumi blinked a few times, too stunned by the fact that another nightmare hadn’t swallowed her up to be afraid that she’d rested. Outside her window, the sky had tinted orange—how long had they been out there? “You can mail or call us at any time. We’ll be there, alright?”

“Stay safe, Me-chan. We’ll see you soon, okay? Whenever you’re ready.” There was the sound of a few footsteps before the Yoshida cousins were too far away to hear them through the door, and then Megumi was back by herself, with evening fast approaching.

Despite everything else still awful threatening to crawl out from inside her, sleep didn’t seem so horrifying.

* * *

After so many days without proper rest, food, or hydration, Megumi crashed, and she crashed hard. Her body was so exhausted that her brain couldn’t even manage to summon nightmares to torment her. Waking up felt as if she’d emerged from a years-long coma, but it turned out that it was only a handful of hours that had left her conscious in the middle of the night while most of Kyoto slumbered away or tended to their night owl lifestyles.

Megumi tended to consider herself a morning person, but she knew she couldn’t consider something like that whenever she was actually beginning to feel like a real human being again. One that didn’t jump out of her skin from paranoia. One that could consider maybe being in interaction with other human beings (if only a select few).

One that had human needs like eating and sleeping and drinking. One that smelled and was in desperate need for a bath.

Aside from the actual experience of being so overstimulated that she stopped functioning like a normal person, Megumi found that coming back to herself was always the worst part, if only because of what a mess she tended to be. But if she was griping about issues like that, she was on the right track, and she’d take it. Her thoughts swirling between how pathetic it was that she’d been out of commission for several days and just what she could do to feel like a real person again, Megumi scrubbed herself off with enough force to make her skin red and soaked in the bath until almost all the heat was gone.

Her skin was clear, with no bruises.

Her scalp was still aching from having her hair tied up into a ponytail for so long, so she let the locks fall free, even if they’d be a frizzled mess later on. There were much bigger priorities. Her stomach was staring to awake up, and a dull throb of hunger accompanied the cracks in her dehydrated lips. The sky outside her window still dark, Megumi sat down and drank through several glasses of tap water for lack of anything better. What little she’d had in her fridge had mostly expired, so she dumped the whole lot into the trash and distracted her thoughts by making a quick grocery list with the budget she remembered having.

When she’d dressed properly in a blouse, over shirt, and loose jeans, she took several minutes staring at her front door, one hand on the knob and grocery list half crushed in her other fist. Ultimately, hunger won out against the paranoia, and a refreshingly clear gulp of air helped boost her mood after being locked up in her stuffy indoors. Her neighborhood happened to have a grocery store that stayed open all day, and she replenished her stock there before heading home to cook.

The smell of actual food was enough to turn her stomach into a growling, clenching monster, and Megumi was surprised at how much she managed to eat—and how much better she felt afterwards. With her APD, she was never really fully okay, but it was a marked improvement over her hermitage. Now that she was behaving like an actual human being again, it was time to get the rest of her life back on track.

* * *

Megumi had planned on going to school that day—until she realized that it was Thursday and there would be basketball practice she’d be expected to go to and explain herself, assuming they’d still let her be on the team. The thought turned out to be too much, so Megumi worked on getting her apartment in order washing her futon and unnecessarily scrubbing down anything she could get her hands on while the open window let in some fresh air. Later that evening, she powered her phone back on to let Choukou and Kenta know that she’d probably be coming back to school the next day, then powered it off again before she could find out if anyone else had sent her disappointed messages.

She spent the last hour before her usual bedtime debating if she wanted to bother risking sleep again. In the end, she won out the part of her brain insisting on avoiding the whole process by arguing that she couldn’t manage going back to school without some proper rest, so she crawled into bed and passed out once her anxiety stopped shooting her heartbeat into the high heavens.

She slept.

Peacefully.

Two nights in a row.

_I’ll take what I can get._

* * *

Friday morning seemed to be on the same course as Thursday, with Megumi fighting off half conceived panic attacks at what felt to be every ten minutes. In the end, she managed to get her uniform on, her bag in hand, and on the train—though not without a few false starts that had her retreating back towards her apartment door a few times. It was the reminder that she’d told Choukou and Kenta that she’d been coming that ultimately got her to the school gates, though it was over an hour late for homeroom.

_Baby steps, Megumi, baby steps._

And baby steps she did take, all the way to the front office, where the secretary on duty typed in Megumi’s name on her computer and gave her a vaguely disappointed look as they recited the number of days she’d been missing from school. Shame washed Megumi’s cheeks in a wave of blush, and she clenched onto the handle of her bag tight enough, hoping it would distract her from the idea of running. She mumbled out an apology, unable to put an excuse into words.

“Oh, one more thing, Kaizuto-san,” the secretary said just as she was about to try and force herself to head up to her classroom while fighting the impending tears. Not trusting a sob to break out of her throat, Megumi looked back over her shoulder. “Yamada-sensei said to send you to her when you arrived.”

With a nod and fresh lump in her throat, Megumi changed course.

* * *

She supposed that, out of all the people she would have to explain herself to first, Yamada-sensei was the least intimidating—at least if she wasn’t counting Choukou and Kenta. Unlike the classroom or the basketball gymnasium, there was only one person to talk to, and a sympathetic one at that. Yamada was even letting Megumi adjust back to the office, the counselor working on preparing a fresh pot of tea. She’d gotten a new manicure, one that had her nails a vibrant violet against the pale colors of her tea set.

Megumi buried her hands in her skirt and focused on breathing, wondering what she could even start to say. She’d been gone for four days from school without any notice. Was that enough for a prestigious place like Rakuzan to take away her academic scholarship? Fresh worries that the trauma hadn’t left room for wormed their way into her heart and mind, and the awful consideration came to Megumi that if she lost her scholarship, then she’d have to return home.

_Not there. Anything but there._

“I told the school that you called me about your absence,” Yamada-sensei said as she sat down, her customary tea tray in hand. Megumi replayed the words once, twice, three times in her mind, and even when she’d processed them fully, all she could do was stare at Yamada in doe-eyed wonder. “I assumed that you were in a position where you weren’t well enough to come to class, let alone contact anyone else. I hope you’ll forgive me for overstepping.”

“No, no, no, that’s fine. Really, I should be thanking you!” Usually, her mother was the one making calls; Megumi had forgotten that convenience would be gone when she moved, even though the process had been for the best. “Um, if you don’t mind, Sensei, what exactly did you…?”

“Just that you weren’t feeling well enough to attend class. I didn’t get into much of the details.” Megumi let out her breath, already feeling relieved tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. With practice, she dipped her head, reached for the offered steaming teacup, and pushed the waves back. “So long as you make up your work, you won’t have any trouble, but I have faith that you’ll take care of what you need to, and I can even help facilitate if you need extra time.” Perhaps Megumi was still asleep and the whole thing was a dream; she couldn’t imagine her return to school going so smoothly otherwise. “That being said, I’d like to help if you’ll let me, Kaizuto-san. Was the Inter-High too much for you?”

Megumi almost choked on her own heartbeat, her mind flurrying into a panic that somehow Yamada-sensei knew about what had happened at the stadium—and then she realized that, for her, becoming overstimulated by the presence of so many people crammed into one stadium was what Yamada thought had happened. There was no reason for Yamada to guess otherwise, to think that Akashi was involved, or what he’d reminded her of.

Not trusting her mouth, Megumi nodded.

“That makes sense,” Yamada said, wisps of steam rising up towards her face. “You did incredibly well to even put yourself out there, Kaizuto-san. I know I’m the one that encouraged you to join a club, but I do want you to be taking care of yourself along the way.” It was so strange to hear a supportive voice amongst the disdainful whispers and snide remarks that were a threat for someone like her. “If you like, I can talk to Shirogane. We’ve already talked a few times, but he’d be willing to listen if you want me to smooth things over. Of course, I’d only tell him what you’re alright with.”

Megumi weighed the options—though they didn’t have club after classes, she’d still have to face the Boys’ Basketball Club eventually. Things would be much easier if at least the coach knew what to expect. “Could you please just tell him that I was sick and that I’ll come apologize in person? I don’t…”

_I don’t want anyone to think that I’m unreliable or useless._

Yamada didn’t wait for the sentence to finish, and she bobbed her head while tapping her violet nails against the edge of her teacup. “Of course, Kaizuto-san. Part of my job is to help you succeed, so we’ll start there.” Over the PA system, the end of period bell rang throughout the school. “Ah, that will be lunch. If you’d like to eat here before you head upstairs, you’re free to stay.”

“Thanks, but I’d rather go now.” It would be much easier to slip in during the commotion over lunch than when everyone was settling down for lunch, especially with how close to the front of the room her desk was. Though it was still hot, Megumi quickly drank through the contents of her cup and stood, the bitter taste unable to dispel the comforting warmth of the tea in her stomach. “Thank you again, Yamada-sensei. Thank you so much.”

Mixing in with the students and teachers alike starting to mingle in the halls, Megumi climbed the stairs to the first years’ floor, where her relative sensation of ease slipped away with each step she took towards Class 1-A’s door.

Because while Yamada was handling damage control with Shirogane, there was no way she could do the same with Akashi.


	15. 15—Rooftop

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

15—Rooftop

* * *

_As we reach towards the sky, it watches us in turn_

* * *

Megumi was still gripping tight onto her bag handle as she peeked around the corner of the classroom door, trying to get a look inside. It hadn’t taken long for everyone to settle into the freedom of lunch, with chatter filling the air, desked moved next to each other in communal tables, and plenty of empty seats for those who chose to eat elsewhere.

By some grace of the gods, Akashi’s desk was empty.

It wasn’t all that surprising since he tended to eat in the cafeteria, but Megumi still let immense relief wash over her that his habit had held true. She kept her head down and walked to her own empty desk as casually as possible, and everyone was so caught up in their own lives that they didn’t even notice their truant classmate had returned. After so many days in the silence of her apartment, the noise of the bustling classroom was a bit loud, but it wasn’t overwhelming by any means.

_You’re doing great. Just do like normal._

Though she’d been missing most of the week, it was easy to slip back into the routine of school life, and Megumi hooked her bag to the side of her desk and pulled out her bento. With her entire day before free, she’d gone a bit overboard on cooking for herself, but at least she had the appetite for it. Megumi wasn’t even halfway through her meal when she realized someone was standing over her.

“Megumi.”

She almost choked at the sound of her name—because only one person at Rakuzan called her that, and only one person ever said her name so dispassionately, as if she wasn’t even worth a warm greeting. Sure enough, Akashi was there, having returned from the cafeteria far earlier than he usually bothered to do. Still frozen halfway through swallowing, Megumi stared up at him, her chopsticks trembling in her shaking fingers.

“Captain,” she said, more out of reflex than conscious thought.

“We’re going to have a conversation. Somewhere in private,” he said in that tone that held no room for arguments. When she didn’t immediately respond, Akashi’s eyes bore into hers for a split second. “In case you didn’t realize, that was an order.” And with that he turned around, leading the way out the classroom door.

Megumi’s mind swirled with protests, but she voiced none of them as she followed.

* * *

When they entered the stairwell, Megumi almost thought that Akashi intended to speak there, just like the first time they’d ever talked to each other. But he surprised her, not only by taking the stairs, but also in that he climbed up without any hesitation. Using the handrail to steady herself, Megumi tentatively followed him, wondering just what in the world she was doing.

And then Akashi opened the door to the rooftop, and Megumi almost ran past him in her haste.

She wasn’t doing it for him. Instead, the sky motivated her, brought with it some sort of reassurance; though she was in a potentially isolated location where no one would be able to help her if Akashi decided to—if something happened, but she didn’t care. The fresh air and the open sky were _freedom_, and Megumi couldn’t believe how stifling the inside of the school building could be when she’d been inside it for less than an hour.

“I didn’t bring you here for you to ignore me, Megumi.”

She spun around at the sound of Akashi’s voice, feeling foolish—not only for forgetting herself, but for rushing ahead, since it meant that Akashi stood in the doorway, effectively blocking the exit. He didn’t press the advantage, though, striding towards her. She couldn’t hold back her flinch, even though he stopped with plenty of distance between them, enough to talk easily without being within immediate arm’s reach.

Given Akashi’s athletic ability, that distance only made her feel a fraction better.

Still, she straightened up her back and tried to channel the energy she tended to use as the basketball club’s manager and the sliver of confidence that came with it. “Then what can I help you with, Captain?” Despite herself, she could hear the skepticism in her voice as she used the title.

Akashi had to have noticed—he seemed to notice everything around him—but he didn’t immediately react. “You went missing from club for several days, to say nothing of your classes.”

“I was under the impression that only one of those things concerned you.” Just what was she doing, mouthing off to him after what had happened? Hadn’t she learned her lesson already?

“The behavior of those under my command concerns me, regardless what area it’s in.” She hated how he could say those things with complete confidence—hated it because she lacked those capabilities in herself. “Special circumstances or no, Rakuzan doesn’t take kindly to those who disappear from their responsibilities without warning.” He paused for what felt like dramatic effect before adding, “And neither do I.”

Megumi chewed on her tongue for a moment, but it didn’t stop her next words. “I wasn’t aware that you wanted updates whenever I’m too sick to leave home, Captain.” _Seriously, can you just keep your mouth shut for once?_ Though she’d been terrified of him in the stadium hallway, the anger she’d felt in the first place hadn’t faded, either. She still hated the way he’d treated the game, hated the way he viewed it as not worth his effort.

So then why was he wasting his time on calling her out?

_Probably because you pissed him off. What else?_

“Don’t play coy with me, Megumi,” Akashi said, his voice carrying such force that she almost wished he’d just get it over with and hurt her again. She could deal with that much. His mismatched eyes narrowed, and Megumi felt frozen in place. “You didn’t apologize to me.”

Her surprisingly fragile patience snapped. “Am I supposed to say sorry when you’re the one who choked—”

“You didn’t let me finish.” The words were enough to make Megumi almost swallow her tongue in response. “When I hurt you, you didn’t apologize to me.”

_No, don’t say it._

“You were talking to someone else.”

_Just stop talking already, I don’t need you to tell me!_

“You apologized to your siblings,” Akashi said with such casualness that it wouldn’t have been surprising if he were discussing the benign weather they were having. Megumi couldn’t even raise her head enough to escape into the expanse of blue above. “I think it’s very much my business why that was the case.”

Megumi could feel the hyperventilation starting to settle in, the way it constricted her lungs and insisted that there was no air, there was no life. She tried counting her breaths, but the incessant tumble of other thoughts in her brain made it difficult to make it to _three_, let alone eight. Even though she couldn’t fully hide her Avoidant Personality Disorder, that was something that at least people could accept if they found out, even if they looked down on her because of it.

She’d never told anyone about her siblings. Not Yamada-sensei, not her former therapist, not even her mother.

“Why do you care?” she managed to gasp out. “What does it even matter?” Did her words even make sense out loud? It was hard to hear what was going on outside of her, because every little sound seemed like it was too much, and not even her own voice could overpower that.

“Didn’t I tell you? You’re part of my club. My responsibility.” Megumi couldn’t decide whether to cry or to laugh. Except when she looked up, when she looked at _him_, Akashi’s expression was perfectly serious, his brow furrowed in annoyance.

But not at her.

“I’m giving you the opportunity to say it with your own words, Megumi. Or would you rather I be more direct?” The golden color of his left eye almost seemed to flash in the sunlight, and it very much felt like he was staring into her soul, like he could see all of her secrets without her needing to say the words. “I don’t intend to walk away and let something compromise my team in any way.”

_Oh, so that’s why he cares,_ she realized. _It’s not about me; it’s about keeping his club in line._

Somehow, it was reassuring that it wasn’t _actually_ about her.

“It’s not something you need to worry about anymore, Captain.” If he was going to play the club card, she would, too. “I don’t suppose you know, but I live by myself. My family doesn’t live in Kyoto.” She’d left them behind, in another prefecture, where it wouldn’t be possible for them to come after her, where not even her college-bound sister would have an easy way to come visit. “So long as you keep your hands to yourself, we shouldn’t have a repeat of this situation.”

_Why oh why can’t I keep my mouth shut for five minutes?_ Sure, Akashi deserved called out for what he’d done, for being the trigger, but Megumi was essentially poking a snake with her words. A very lithe and venomous snake.

She had the feeling that, if truly upset, Akashi would be much, _much_ worse than her siblings had ever been.

But he didn’t retaliate. For a moment, it seemed if he was amused by her gall, though he worked the corner of his lip down so his mouth formed a straight and unyielding line. “Megumi, did they hurt you?”

It was such a simple question, made up of only a handful of words, but it felt like that lone sentence was enough to unravel every carefully constructed part of Megumi’s outward performance that she’d built up over the years. Funnily enough, no one had ever asked her that before; she’d never given them a reason to, because she understood that it would just get worse if she did, because _she deserved it, they always made it clear that she deserved it—_

The tears were hot as they spilled down her cheeks, and her stomach begged to upheave the half of her lunch she’d gotten to eat. She dropped down to the ground, her calves pressing into the rooftop, clutching onto her head, as if that would protect her from the worst of it, when it never did.

The footsteps approached, and Megumi didn’t even have it in her to beg for forgiveness.

Akashi crouched down before her, his uniform tie almost skirting against the ground. “Megumi, look at me.”

There was that tone in his voice again: the one that said his words were an order, not a request. Megumi found herself looking up before she could even think about what she was doing. Her tears must have been painfully obvious, and she couldn’t fully meet Akashi’s eyes, a part of her still worried about what might happen if she did, if she broke that rule again.

“They did,” she said, answering the question before he could ask again; she didn’t want to hear those words one more time. “They used to, all the time, that’s why I left.” No matter what other motivations she’d slapped on top of it, Megumi had run away to Kyoto because she’d had the chance of escaping from them, and she’d taken it. “Don’t… Please don’t tell anyone.” She had a hard enough time, dealing with the possibility that people would reject her because of her mental illness; she didn’t need that, too.

Akashi’s eyes narrowed, his mouth twisting into a frown. “You haven’t told anyone.” It wasn’t a question.

“Of course I haven’t!” Megumi smacked her hands against the ground, feeling the rough concrete scratch against her palm. “You don’t get what would have happened to me if I did. Someone like you doesn’t have any idea of what it’s like to feel powerless! To be _useless_.” He was the one who hurt people, not the one who got hurt, he was the victorious. Megumi’s heaving breaths felt like knives through her lungs. “I just came here to move on from my life, not to—to have someone else treat me like it doesn’t matter if I get hurt, so long as it’s for their own satisfaction!”

“…Is that what you think?”

Megumi felt too hysteric to even try to think about the faint hesitation at the front of his words. “What else am I supposed to think?” She hauled herself back onto her feet, despite her shaking legs. Bent over, she rested her hands on her thighs, to keep the passing breeze from ruffling her skirt. “I don’t listen to what you say, even when it’s ridiculous, and then you toss me into a wall like it doesn’t even matter. Like you’re in the right.” She scoffed, though her voice was still watery. “Well guess what, _Captain_, you being absolute or what the hell ever doesn’t give you permission to hurt other people like they’re nothing!”

Akashi waited for her tirade to finish, smoothly standing up without so much as a speck of dirt on his uniform. “You’re incorrect, Megumi.”

She clenched her hand into fists, wondering for the first time in her life what it would be like to punch someone, instead of being on the receiving end. “You sure have some damn nerve—!”

“Not that,” Akashi said, sounding as composed as ever. “You’re not powerless. And I certainly wouldn’t do something as foolish as let someone who was useless be part of my team, manager or not.”

She forgot how to breathe.

_Does he ever hear himself when he talks?_

_Does he think about the consequences of his words?_

_Does he actually think I’m not—?_

Her tears came down harder and faster than before.

“I don’t get you at all.” She didn’t care that the crying was clogging her throat, stuffing her nose, and all around making her sound like a fragile wreck. That’s what she was, anyways. “You all but told me you thought I wasn’t worth it.” She could still remember his cutting words: _Do you need everything spelled out for you? I told you already that your circumstances don’t exclude you. No more slacking off, Megumi._ “You can’t just go and tear me down and expect me to believe you think I’m actually _worth_ something.”

She waited for the bomb to drop, for Akashi to confirm her thoughts and just get it over with, but he simply stared at her with that calm expression, as if he made other people cry all the time. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I’d prefer if you didn’t make it seem as if I’m the issue whenever you’re the one that doesn’t believe in yourself.” Megumi sucked in a sharp breath, frustrated that he’d hit the nail on the head without any effort. “I’ll admit that you need some work, but you’re more than capable of doing what needs done.” And then his expression shifted into a condescending smile. “Or are you telling me that someone with the guts to talk back to me doesn’t have the ability to do whatever she sets her mind to?”

_Is this a trap? It has to be a trap._ She’d never heard Akashi utter anything close to a compliment, let alone one towards her. Megumi’s head spun, trapped between a migraine and a panic attack. “I think…you’ve overestimating me.”

“Are you giving up?”

“What do you think?” She spread her arms out, as if to put herself onto display. _Look at me and tell me you think this is worth it._ “In case you didn’t notice, I run away from my problems when I can’t take it. I ran away from home.” _And I ran away from you._

“What you did was remove yourself from a poor situation.” Megumi held back the derisive snort forming in her throat. That was a nice way to put it. “If you were really someone to give up, you wouldn’t have bothered coming to the basketball club in the first place. But you were planning on coming back.” Unable to take his gaze anymore, Megumi looked down at the ground, as if it would stop his words from being true. Despite everything, she _was_ going to try to pick herself back up, to return to the club and serve as manager one more time. “So I’ll ask again: Are you giving up?”

It was a rhetorical question, but Megumi’s jaw creaked open as she said, “No.”

“Then I plan to use your capability for all it’s worth. You will become a manager worthy of the Rakuzan name.” _Worthy of being part of my team,_ he was saying, if not directly. What Megumi hated was that he was so sure of himself that it didn’t even sound like a lie, like a platitude to get her to do what he wanted. No, Akashi Seijuro was serious—_absolute_.

She steeled herself to look back into his eyes. “So I should expect being on the receiving end of your temper tantrums as an occupational hazard, then?”

Akashi shifted—and she braced herself for the hit, for the grab, whatever force of contact was to follow—but then she realized he wasn’t moving to strike her, but instead turning away so that she couldn’t make out his expression. “What happened to you was wrong, Megumi.” No one had ever said that about her siblings before, and the words almost unleashed a fresh torrent of tears.

But Megumi pushed them back and squared her shoulders, riding the unfamiliar wave of confidence as far as it would take her, not caring about what risks might be waiting along the currents. “That’s a funny way of saying that you’re sorry for slamming me into a wall.”

“You have my apologies,” Akashi said, and those words were earnest, too, if not delivered in their usual curt demeanor. He didn’t avoid her gaze, either, instead staring her head on, as if the first proclamation he’d made to her back in that stairwell didn’t matter anymore. “It won’t happen again.”

Megumi was so taken aback by the completely unhumble show of humbleness that she couldn’t conjure up the right words to retort. After what felt like an eternity of grasping at straws, she said, “I’ll hold you to it, then.”

The confident smile that formed on Akashi’s face sent a fierce shiver down her spine. “Very well. I’ll return the favor.” In that moment, he sounded almost like a devil offering a deal. “You’ve proven to me that you’re worth your position, but that’s only the first step.

“Don’t let down my new expectations, Megumi.”

And with that, he turned back towards the stairs, the back of his uniform jacket catching in the breeze like the cloak of a ruler. And for once like she might have a place in that world, Megumi fell into step behind him. “Yes, Captain!”

The sky that stretched above them was a beautiful and watchful blue.


	16. 16—Gymnasium III

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

16—Gymnasium III

* * *

_The breeze catches in our sails, sends the clouds coasting through the skies_

* * *

“Me-chan, holy crap, I’m so glad to see you!”

Megumi didn’t even have the time to put down her pencil before Choukou crashed into her in a flying hug, sending Megumi’s chair sliding away from her desk and almost into the next row over. The school day had been finished long enough for the students on cleaning duty to have already finished up, and they’d left the windows open so the fresh breeze could make it inside. As if suctioned to Megumi’s shoulders, Choukou hugged so tightly it seemed like she’d never let go.

“Hey, Choukou, if you don’t give her some space, you’re gonna freak her out,” Kenta’s voice said as he made his way into the classroom in a far less bombastic way than his cousin had.

“It’s okay, Yoshida-san. I don’t mind,” Megumi said, smiling as she returned Choukou’s hug. While it had been sudden, the contact was nice and warm, a previously distant comfort that felt right. “I missed you, too, Choukou-san.”

“I was so, so worried when you didn’t answer my messages,” Choukou said, her voice muffled in Megumi’s shoulder. Her voice sounded a bit watery, too. “We stopped by, but you didn’t answer anything, either. Oh no, I hope we didn’t scare you.”

Megumi shook her head, raising her arms so Choukou could stand again, instead of half kneeling on the classroom floor. “You guys were fine. I just…wasn’t in the right state of mind to answer you.” It was fortunate that no one else had chosen to use the classroom to hang out in, but that also seemed uncharacteristic for Rakuzan. Considering that Megumi tended not to loiter herself, she wouldn’t know. “Shouldn’t you two be at your clubs?”

Choukou puffed up her cheeks in an overaffected pout as she backed up to grab the seat from the next desk over to sit in. “Friends are way more important that clubs, Me-chan.”

Kenta had made his way over to them, and he stood at Choukou’s side, looking like a very awkward and lanky knight. “We figured we’d check in, since you went ahead and messaged us,” he said. “We’re just glad to see that you’re feeling better.”

Megumi nodded again, glad for the lack of prying questions. She wouldn’t know what kind of answers she would give if they had asked. “The Inter-High tournament just ended up being too much for me,” she said, settling for the same story she’d story Yamada-sensei. Akashi hadn’t said to keep what had happened a secret, but she didn’t feel like explaining it, anyways. “I pushed too hard and shut down for a bit. Sorry to—” She bit off the apology and chose a different set of words. “Thank you for caring and coming to check on me.”

“Of course!” Choukou puffed out her chest in pride, even as Kenta discreetly rolled his eyes. “Whenever you need help, Me-chan, just say the word. The Super Yoshida Cousins are here to help!”

“I don’t recall signing up to be part of your fantasy superhero team.”

Kenta’s protests were cut off by a gentle kick in the shins, courtesy of Choukou.

Megumi giggled a bit as Kenta scowled, just glad to be back in a friendly presence again. Akashi may have seemed satisfied by their resolution on the rooftop, but he still seemed so distant, even though his desk was right in front of hers. “I really don’t want to take up too much of your time, though,” Megumi said. “No need to miss club activities on my part.”

Choukou let out a little disappointed whine, but she didn’t protest. “Kay, kay, Me-chan.” She hopped up, and Kenta went about putting her borrowed chair back in place, as if anticipating that his cousin wouldn’t bother. “I’d ask if you wanna hang out, but…” Her eyes trailed down to the notebooks on Megumi’s desk. “Ugh, that’s even more work than we had this week. What’s with you Class A kids?”

“Well, it’s what I get for missing class so many days.” As a scholarship student, she couldn’t really complain about needing to be responsible for her schoolwork. “I’ll probably be busy for the rest of the week, though. Maybe if I feel up to it, we can meet on Sunday and study for exams?” Those were approaching fast on the horizon; given the time that she’d missed, Megumi would need to be on top of her game not to screw up her chances with a bungled test score.

Choukou had started groaning at the idea of studying more, but Kenta nodded his approval. “I can help you go over material based on what I remember from last year, Kaizuto-san,” he said before clasping a hand onto Choukou’s shoulder. “Besides, this one will likely need all the help she can get. It’s an older cousin’s duty, you see.”

“Jerk,” Choukou said under her breath.

Megumi felt her smile grow a little bit wider, and she gave Choukou the best apologetic glance that she could. “I’ll let you guys know when I’m free, then.” It was going to be a busy stretch of days, but she’d be able to manage if she focused enough. If nothing else, the buckling down with her textbooks would make it easier to have the social energy for having company over. “You’re both welcome over to my place, of course.”

That seemed to brighten Choukou’s spirits. “Alright! Me-chan’s place is super cozy.”

“You do know you’re going there to study, right?” Kenta asked, then dodged out of the way of Choukou’s next half-hearted swipe. “I’ll take that as my cue to head out. Good luck with your makeup work, Kaizuto-san!” He tossed a wave before making a dash for the classroom door, and Choukou was after him in a flash.

“You _know_ you can’t beat me in a race, Kenta!”

Their hectic footsteps echoed down the hall, and Megumi breathed out another chuckle to herself as she moved to sit properly in her desk again. The past handful of minutes hadn’t gotten any of her science work done, but they were still enough to give her a burst of energy. Feeling lighter, Megumi picked up her pencil again and stared the problems down.

_Let’s get back to it, then._

* * *

The announcement that the school would be closing soon was the only thing that broke Megumi from her intense showdown with her makeup work. She hadn’t even registered the sunset forming outside, she’d been so focused on what she was doing. Blinking back to reality, Megumi took a moment to stretch in her seat, feeling her shoulders protest the strain of moving in the opposite direction to her previously hunched over position.

_I still had a bunch of leftovers from lunch, so I at least had something to eat._ She eyed the two stacks of assignments she’d temporarily set up on Akashi’s desk in front of her. _Yikes. I got a lot done, but there’s still a lot leftover. No time to rest tonight._ She sighed and started gathering up her things, keeping out the completed assignments so she could drop them off in the teachers’ office before she left. Her back also stung as she stood up. _Maybe I should do some of the stretches the boys do at club? Or Choukou should know some, since she used to be on the track team._

She shook the thought off before it could end up on her mental inventory. Her to-do list was long enough as it was for the time being.

Making sure she’d shut the windows and tidied up her space (triple checking that she hadn’t left something behind on Akashi’s desk to avoid him asking awkward questions the next day), Megumi closed the classroom doors and made her way down the stairwell by herself.

The teachers’ office wasn’t far from Yamada-sensei’s room, and Megumi gently knocked on the door before entering. The sunset cast an orange glow over the room, and most of the instructors seemed to have already left for the day, which helped ease her nerves. She quickly skimmed over nameplates to find her homeroom teacher’s desk and placed the bundle of work down, along with a quick note she’d written to indicate that it was hers, just in case.

Nodding to herself once, Megumi turned on her heel to leave and almost jumped out of her skin at the sight of someone else she hadn’t recognized before. “I’m sorry,” she said on reflex, even though she wasn’t anywhere close to running into them. Once she got a better look, she recognized Shirogane, and that sent her into a full-out bow. “Coach! I’m sorry for my absence this week!”

“Ah, Kaizuto-san.” Megumi peeked up through her bangs to gauge his expression—as serious as ever, but not particularly upset—and deemed it safe enough to stand up straight. “You don’t need to worry about that matter. Yamada-san and Akashi already came and discussed things with me.”

Megumi had expected to hear one name in that sentence—not two. “Cap—Akashi-kun did?” She stopped herself just short of adding, _What did he say?_

Shirogane looked faintly amused at her shift in referral, but he didn’t call her out on it. “Yes, he did.” After a few moments of painful silence, he continued, “Akashi told me that he’d already discussed your absence with you and that the matter was settled. Since I don’t have any objections to my team handling issues on their own, I don’t have anything to add. Unless you have something else you’d want to discuss with me?”

_Does he know something happened? Akashi-kun wouldn’t risk his position by saying what happened at the Inter-High, but…_ Though Megumi had pleaded for him not to share the secret about her siblings, he hadn’t agreed or disagreed. Was Shirogane looking at her knowingly, or was that just her paranoia acting up again? Clinging to the handle of her bag behind her back for dear life, Megumi shook her head. “No, nothing else.” Considering that she’d gotten an apology from Akashi, she didn’t see the point in bringing it up. “Though…thank you for your patience with me, Coach. I know I must’ve caused some trouble by being absent.”

“We’ve functioned as a club without your presence before, Kaizuto-san. Though it certainly is a help to have extra hands around.” Shirogane’s gaze fell to the stack of assignments Megumi had left on her homeroom teacher’s desk. “I assume you’ll be in good shape to handle your exams next week.”

“Y-yes, absolutely!” She hated that her stutter made her sound less confident, but worrying about what had already come out of her mouth wouldn’t do any good. “I’ll make sure I can be present for club tomorrow. Is there anything I need to catch up on beforehand?”

Shirogane shook his head. “We’re mostly working to stay in shape after Inter-High. Being in first place doesn’t give us room to slack off.” What a very Rakuzan thing to say. It sent a fresh pang of guilt through Megumi’s chest for her absence. “For now, though, everyone’s priority is to stay in shape and keep their minds sharp for testing. After that, we’ll work on finalizing our summer schedule and ensuring that there aren’t any logistical problems for our training camp. I’ll have you and Higuchi handle that.”

The camp had been on the schedule, so Megumi at least was prepared for that—even if she didn’t know what all her responsibilities would be in that case. _Higuchi-senpai can help with that, assuming he isn’t upset over me disappearing._ Funny how every time she survived one apology, another seemed to crop up. “Leave it to us, Coach.”

“Naturally.” Shirogane looked to his wristwatch. “It won’t do us any good to stay here when they’re trying to close up. You should head out for the evening, Kaizuto-san. We’ll discuss anything else that needs said in club tomorrow.”

“Right.” She considered thanking him again but decided it would be a bit excessive. Even so, she dipped into a short bow. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

* * *

“Kaizuto, do you even have any idea of much of a disaster you’ve avoided?” Higuchi asked as the two managers worked on gathering up the laundry of sweat-filled towels. It was a wonder the team members had any liquid left in their bodies with how much they’d practiced. “These past few days are the most pissed I’ve seen Akashi, and he’s not normally bright and chipper. What sort of black magic did you pull off to get him to calm down after skipping out?”

_Oh, you know, I just had a hardcore meltdown and told him he reminded me of my abusive older siblings. As one does._ Her cowardice and common sense back in full force, Megumi didn’t even let the words out. Instead she tightened the drawstring on her stuffed full laundry bag and said, “We talked about what happened. He…understood.”

“_Akashi_ understood?” Higuchi shot her an incredulous look, but she only nodded. Though practice had finished, there was still the chatter of the team and the occasional squeak of sneakers on the gym floor as the second and third-string members worked on mopping up after themselves. Even so, Higuchi lowered his voice to a whisper. “Does he know about your…?”

He couldn’t seem to think of a good way to discretely mention her disorder, and Megumi much preferred him not trying to come up with something clever. “Not the exact details, but he knows that I didn’t bail out on the team for the heck of it.” It was funny, how Akashi knew things the others didn’t, yet he still didn’t have the full picture. “He didn’t try to get me kicked off the team, so I’ll count it as a victory.”

Higuchi breathed out something that sounded vaguely like _witchcraft_, but he regained his composure, tightening the drawstring on his own laundry bag and hefting it over his shoulder. “Well, if you’re satisfied, I won’t push it, Kaizuto. Though that friend of yours? The Yoshida girl? She’s scary when she gets worked up. She scolded me for not taking better care of you when you didn’t show up to school.”

Choukou had left that detail out of her pile of frantic texts. Megumi could only offer an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.” She and Higuchi hefted their laundry bags onto the waiting cart to the side of the gym, which already had a hefty load. “After this, we’re going to take care of finishing up preparation for the training camp, right? I didn’t mean to go missing at such an important time, but I’ll help in whatever way I can to wrap things up smoothly.”

“Are you sure about that?” Higuchi asked before he caught a glimpse of Megumi’s disapproving look. “Sorry, I figured what happened must’ve been rough for you, so I don’t want you to push yourself too hard. But I’m sort of overstepping again, aren’t I?”

Megumi nodded as she kept pace next to Higuchi, holding the side of the cart steady as he pushed it towards the exit of the gym. “This is one of those situations where I’d feel a lot worse if I couldn’t contribute, so let me help, Senpai.” She was appreciative of the support, but there was a difference between being considerate and thinking she was too fragile to even do something simple. “What needs to be taken care of by when?”

Higuchi only seemed to hesitate for a second before he caught himself and switched into his full-on manager mode. “Coach is entrusting us with making sure everyone’s permission slips are in. No one’s been late from what I can tell, but if we can organize things and confirm that everything’s in order, that’ll make the process easier. I was planning on taking care of them over the weekend, but if it’s the two of us, we can handle everything this afternoon, and that’ll open up some extra time to study for exams…”

“That shouldn’t be too difficult to handle for us, then.” Knowing Shirogane, he would have at least kept things organized, and Higuchi would already have a system in mind. Megumi would just need to join in and take care of what was asked of her. “If you want, Senpai, I can handle dropping these off.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” When Megumi gave him another incredulous stare, Higuchi gave a small smile. “It’s not that I don’t think you can’t take care of it, Kaizuto-san. But this probably the only quiet time I have all day. Why don’t you go doublecheck that the gyms look good and everyone’s clearing out without issue, and I’ll meet you outside when we’re wrapped up.”

“I see, leaving me with the dirty work,” she said dryly. Thankfully, Higuchi recognized it as the joke it was, even if he looked faintly surprised that she’d made one. “Understood, though. I’ll wrap things up on this end.”

She gave him a short wave and split off as he completed the laundry run. The third-string gym looked sparkling and spotless, and she gave a quick warning call into the boys’ locker room to remind them not to dawdle too long (the task made easier since she couldn’t actually see any of their faces as she did it). Then she moved on to repeat the process for the rest of the club. A faint sheen of sweat on her skin from the building summer heat outside between buildings, Megumi was about to retreat to the girls’ locker room when a group came out of the boys’ room next door, talking amongst themselves.

It would have been easy to slip away (and she certainly wanted to) were it not for the fact that Akashi was leading the pack. Though he was back to his school uniform, he looked no less intense, and the same held true for the rest of the Uncrowned Generals behind him. Megumi was about to dip her head in acknowledgement before vacating the premises, but Akashi’s look stopped her short.

“Excellent timing, Megumi,” he said, his voice sounding somehow—_lighter_ than usual. “We were just discussing what to do about next week since we won’t be holding club during exam periods.” She nodded slowly; Rakuzan may have gone out of its way to accommodate its extracurricular activities, but that didn’t mean it neglected academics in the process. “Naturally, studying is important, but Reo suggested we do something to celebrate the end of the trimester.”

Megumi’s eyes flicked up to Mibuchi, only able to bear looking for a few seconds before falling back to Akashi. He was scary, yes, but it was a scary she could handle. “Sounds like a good time,” she said, mostly out of reflex.

“It would be too much effort to bring the whole club, so this will be a smaller affair. We’ll be going out to dinner together.” Unsure of what it mattered to her, Megumi looked at Akashi a bit longer, as if that would give her some clue or permission to leave before things stretched out too awkwardly. Akashi seemed to realize what she was waiting on and offered an explanation: “You’ll be coming with us, so keep your schedule open.”

Megumi only managed to say, “Yes, Cap—” before the implication of his words reached her in full.

_I’m sorry, what?_


	17. 17—In Accompaniment

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

17—In Accompaniment

* * *

_What follows after the storm is…?_

* * *

The pressure of exams had nothing on the prospect of going out to eat with the Rakuzan Boys’ Basketball Club’s starting lineup.

Yes, Rakuzan’s exams were rigorous, and there was no holds barred on what material you could be tested on (and Kenta had even hinted at the chance of questions about things they hadn’t covered in class yet, which had almost put Choukou down for the count during their group study session). And, yes, as a scholarship student, Megumi needed her test scores to match up with her class ranking so that she could even continue to attend Rakuzan. And, _yes_, there was the added pressure of needing to keep said scholarship so she could reasonably afford living in Kyoto, her safe haven.

But it was also going to be a dinner with _Akashi_. And the _rest of the Crownless Generals_, who were all sorts of levels of intimidating on their own. She was pretty sure that Vice Captain Mibuchi didn’t like her much. The others…Megumi couldn’t say for sure. Higuchi was usually the one tending to the first stringers, so she hadn’t had much chance to really see what they were like. All she knew was that Nebuya was a hulking mass that had to weigh at least four times as much as Megumi, and Hayama may have looked less scary in comparison but was just as fierce when it came to dominating the court.

What made matters worse was that, since she was giving her all to studying, Megumi couldn’t even think up an appropriate excuse as to why she couldn’t go. Club responsibilities didn’t apply since they wouldn’t have practice on the last day of exams, and she and Higuchi had easily finished all the paperwork prep necessary for their training camp the week before.

So naturally the anxiety hit her like a head on collision with a tsunami when the appointed day arrived.

* * *

“Pencils down,” Uchida-sensei called from the front of the room. A short wave of exhales of relief and the occasional frustrated growl rippled across the room, though in much less intensity than Megumi’s middle school. Rakuzan’s Class 1-A knew the expectations on them, and exams were something they all approached with their pride on the line. “Pass your papers forward.”

Megumi accepted the neat stack of test sheets from the classmate in the seat behind her and added her own to the pile before handing them off to Akashi. He didn’t look ruffled in the slightest (Megumi was certain he’d finished way before anyone else, but she’d been too concentrated to properly check), but he did make eye contact before turning back around. She could read the intent in his gaze well enough:

_I know you’re here. You know where you’re expected to be._

Only able to nod, Megumi stopped trying to come up with fresh strategies for bailing out—she’d been brainstorm them all week, but none of them were actually feasible. Now that the day had come, it was looking more and more likely that she really would need to go through with the mess of dinner with her team’s starting lineup.

_If I hadn’t told Akashi-kun that my family doesn’t live here I could have made up some excuse that I needed to go home instead._ Not that Akashi wouldn’t be able to see through her lie anyways. Giving it up, Megumi worked on packing up her things once Uchida-sensei dismissed the class for the day; she stood by, waiting for Akashi’s direction.

He gave her one glance, a smug smile faintly curving his lips, before heading for the exit.

Megumi couldn’t bring herself to hate how easily she fell into step behind Akashi, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Thanks to their quick departure, they didn’t get caught up in the rush of foot traffic to leave classes, though that lack of stimulation only did so much for Megumi’s already frayed nerves. She kept her eyes locked on the back of Akashi’s head, using it as a guidepost for her path.

“There’s something on your mind,” he said, without any prompting as they entered the stairwell.

Megumi flinched, glad that she stopped herself from yelping at the sudden conversation. The way things were going, she was much more likely to pass out than make it through dinner. She mulled over her response for a moment. “I’m just… I don’t completely understand why you wanted to invite me out with you today.” Out of everyone on the team, Higuchi was the only one she’d met up with outside of club, and even those events had been to do extra manager work.

“I did tell you that I’d revised my expectations of you,” Akashi said, not breaking his even gait down the stairs or looking back over his shoulder. “If you’re going to be a part of this team, you need to interact with them more, especially since most of our starting lineup will be here next year, as well. That’s all there is to it.”

The idea of there being a _next year_ still seemed foreign, though Shirogane had brought it up before. Megumi still felt like she had so much to learn, and she had a hard time imagining herself surviving the next month, let alone through a whole basketball season. It was even harder to imagine, seeing as Higuchi would be graduating at the end of the year, because then it would just be her left behind to handle the boys’ basketball club.

But, most surreal of all, _Akashi_ had already calculated for the future, and he expected her to be part of it.

Her mouth went dry for a few seconds, and Megumi almost tripped on the last stair of the flight when she’d realized the implication. She had the feeling she wasn’t entirely worthwhile in his eyes, yet, but something close enough that he saw worth the effort to make useful.

The door to the second floor opened, second years streaming out headed to their own destinations, and Megumi swallowed her half formed thoughts before they could become words.

* * *

Megumi had desperately attempted to stay towards the back of the forming group of first stringers. It didn’t work. Hayama had been far too excited about having someone new in their midst, and he’d dragged her into the middle of the group as they walked out of the school gates and down the street. Megumi had to crane her neck up to look at everyone besides Akashi, but even he had a handful of centimeters on her in terms of height.

_I know basketball players need to be tall, but this is ridiculous!_

“So you’re the new manager that Higuchi’s working with right?” Hayama asked, leaning over a bit to talk to Megumi. His grin gave off a perfect view of his fang-like incisors. All she could do was nod in response. “Great! That means we won’t have to worry about finding someone else for next year.”

“I-I guess so.” She hadn’t stammered so much in a while, but it was difficult when freshly surrounded by a group she knew as names on paper, but not as real people. Akashi, her only lifeline, was at the head of the pack, not participating in any of the conversation around him. “I still have a lot to learn, so I’m not sure how much help I can really be—”

“Don’t be silly,” Mibuchi said from her other side, his impressive posture bringing his towering height home. “If you weren’t able to handle things, Sei-chan wouldn’t have invited you to come out with us, Kai-chan.”

_K-Kai-chan? Is that supposed to be me?_

Hayama laughed. “Reo-nee’s right! Akashi said you were gonna be doing more for us, so you’re gonna be hanging out with us a lot more.”

_Reo-nee? No, no, no, wait! When did Akashi make that decision? _

Megumi didn’t get the chance to ask the question since Nebuya’s broad palm smacked into her back, almost knocking the breath out of her in the process. “You’ll do fine! Just relax and get some meat on those bones.”

Mibuchi sighed. “You can’t expect everyone to be as hulking as you are. Especially not someone of her stature.”

“That doesn’t mean she can’t build some muscle. And that starts with eating!”

“Um,” Megumi managed to say, “does being a manager really require that much muscle?” Sure, she handled toting around the laundry and water bottes and the like, but most of the stress of the job seemed to be in the mental camp.

“Don’t worry about what this muscle-head says, Kai-chan,” Mibuchi said, giving Nebuya a side-eyed glance. Megumi felt stunned to have the vice captain talking to her so casually. She had been certain he didn’t approve of her. “He doesn’t have any class.”

Nebuya huffed, letting out so much air Megumi thought it might have knocked her over. “I’d like to see you win a basketball game with that ‘class’ of yours.”

“Clearly you’ve built up those muscles so much it’s impaired your vision.”

Hayama caught sight of Megumi’s worried expression and patted her on the shoulder, his grin not wavering in the slightest. “Don’t worry; they’ve been like this ever since we started at Rakuzan. It’s always words with them. They’ll sort it out themselves.” Still not fully convinced, Megumi nodded, tossing a longing glance at the sky above, which had a few clouds stringing across it, making everything a paler shade of blue than usual.

“We’re here,” Akashi’s voice said from the head of the group. “Do try not to cause a ruckus once we get inside.”

Nebuya’s mouth obediently clicked shut halfway through a sentence that didn’t seem to have a polite ending. Mibuchi’s expression was almost satisfied as he replied, “Yes, Sei-chan.”

Not having much else of a choice, Megumi joined the throng inside, the comforting chill of air conditioning slipping over her, though she’d been too nervous outside to realize it was hot. From the looks of it, their restaurant of choice for the day was an American style diner, the color scheme a soothing combination of yellow and blue. Though there was the murmur of people inside, the tables didn’t look too packed, which was a small saving grace on Megumi’s already tired nerves.

Akashi was already talking with the host at the counter, smoothly requesting a table for six.

_Six?_ Megumi thought, furrowing her brow at the number. _Akashi-kun, Mibuchi-senpai, Hayama-senpai, Nebuya-senpai, myself… _“Are we expecting someone else?” she asked, more so talking to the air than anyone in particular. She had figured Higuchi wasn’t coming because he had university prep to take care of, but…

Akashi was already following the host to their table, and Mibuchi tossed Megumi an almost pitying glance as he followed suit. Nebuya let out a hearty laugh, and Hayama was doing an awful job at holding back his snickers, only halfway managing to say, “About that, Second Manager-chan…”

“There have been six of us since we left the school.”

The almost bored voice from behind her made Megumi whirl around, her heart pounding wildly. The sight of yet another tall boy who looked almost as pale as a ghost standing right behind her was too much for her to take.

Before she could help herself, Megumi screamed.

* * *

Once she got a good look at him, the identity of their mysterious tagalong became quickly apparent. The gray hair and eyes were a near perfect match for the slate tones of his uniform, and his disinterested expression matched up perfectly with one of the mug shots in Higuchi’s painstakingly assembled club member guide:

Mayuzumi Chihiro, the only third year on Rakuzan’s starting lineup.

Since Higuchi was the one in charge of the first stringers, it made sense that Megumi hadn’t recognized him at first, but she was having a hard time processing that Mayuzumi had been there the whole time and she hadn’t noticed him. His height fit right in with the rest of them (in other words, he was a giant), yet it was like he’d been invisible.

_Or maybe I’m just stressed because this is ridiculous._

After Megumi’s far too loud outburst, they’d managed to get settled down at a table (unmistakably for six). Nebuya, Hayama, and Mayuzumi were all along the wall in the booth half of the setting, while Megumi had managed to snag a chair on the corner to give her room to breathe and potentially an easy exit. Not that she’d have an easy time slipping away since Akashi was right next to her. Content, Reo had the other corner seat on the Captain’s left hand side.

“Can I get you all started with some drinks?”

Hayama shot up his hand first, claiming the first order, and their server went around the table, taking everyone’s drinks in turn. When it came to Megumi’s turn, she opted for water, since she still had to balance out the rest of her budget with the training camp trip coming up.

Tucking their pencil away, their server nodded. “Alright, I’ll get those—”

“I’ll need some coffee,” Mayuzumi said in a controlled monotone.

Their server blinked once, as if just realizing that the boy was there. Megumi felt bad for them, but she was also glad that she _wasn’t_ the only one caught off guard. “Y-yes, of course. I’ll be back with your drinks right away!” And then they scrambled back off to the back to hide their embarrassment—though not without checking around the table once more to confirm that no one else was hiding in plain sight.

Megumi tried to steal a glance at Mayuzumi without being too obvious, which should have been easy since he was sitting right across from her.

Too bad Mayuzumi noticed, and his unimpressed gaze shot right back at her. Megumi flushed and tried to busy herself with looking at the menu, even though she wasn’t really processing any of the characters on the page. _Is that some kind of superpower? That he’s invisible?_

“Higuchi hasn’t told you about Chihiro?” Akashi asked. When she looked to him, there was a faint smirk on his lips, though it might have just been her imagination. “If you’re going to be our manager, I’m going to expect you to understand our team’s strategies.”

Megumi looked back at Mayuzumi for a split second, trying to figure out if it’s possible for a strategy to revolve entirely around one person, especially since she didn’t remember Mayuzumi being on the court for what little of the Inter-High tournament she got to watch. But she did vaguely remember Higuchi and Shirogane talking about something during the practice matches, though her nervousness most had done the job of blocking out the memories.

“I’ll be sure to talk it over with Higuchi-senpai next time I see him,” she said, and though she wanted to add, _There’s no pleasing you, is there?_ there was no way she could get the words out with so many others watching her.

“It’s not quite something that you can really describe in just words, Kai-chan,” Mibuchi said, giving their server a smile as they came back with everyone’s drinks. Hayama quickly busied himself with blowing his straw paper at Nebuya like a missile, though it just bounced off the bulge of muscle. Megumi tried to sip at her own water in peace, though the cold drink could only do so much for her nerves. “We’ll be sure to give you a proper demonstration at the training camp, won’t we?” he added, giving Mayuzumi a knowing stare that wasn’t quite harsh enough to be pointed.

“Yeah, whatever,” Mayuzumi muttered, his expression not changing in the slightest. The server, not willing to repeat their mistake from the last time, started by asking for Mayuzumi’s order first. When Megumi’s turn came around, she ordered the smallest, cheapest portion she could find, hoping she wouldn’t feel too sick by the time it made it to the table. She really didn’t want to explain why she felt so sick in front of an audience.

_This is going to be a long evening._

* * *

If you were going strictly by the amount of time passed according to the clock, it hadn’t taken the team that long to get served and polish off their meals. But in Megumi’s perception, it seemed at least three times the amount, if not four, and just walking to the station would have been much more of an exertion if she didn’t know that home was waiting at the end of the line.

It seemed they all went to the same station, so she couldn’t just slip off on her own. Akashi kept an eye on her anyways, though he didn’t say anything, and Megumi stuck to the group, not offering much in the way of conversation. She did her best to keep an eye on Mayuzumi, though, since he always seemed to disappear whenever she wasn’t looking. By the time they made it to where they needed to split up to their respective trains, Megumi estimated her accuracy rate at about twenty percent.

She was so busy focusing on Mayuzumi that she didn’t realize that she and Nebuya took the same line home until they were getting on the train together.

“I didn’t know you took this train, too,” Nebuya said, securing a spot with a handrail in immediate reach. Though there was a perfectly good seat near him, other people getting on steered clear of his berth. Not noticing (or noticing and not caring), he pointed to the empty spot. “Here, take this seat if you want.”

“S-sure, thank you, Senpai.” Her legs starting to feel weak, Megumi plopped down. With Nebuya standing right in front of her, he looked even more hulking than before, like an adult slipped into a high school uniform, especially with his facial hair. She faintly recalled his profile mentioning Nebuya’s training routine, but it still seemed impossible that any one person could have that much muscle mass. Maybe that was why he was still standing after the get-together, though Megumi felt exhausted with her considerably lighter physical workload.

_Of course, that could also be the stress talking._

“You sure you ate enough? You’re looking a little pale.”

Megumi blinked herself back to awareness. “Yes, I’m fine, please don’t worry.” The idea of eating more food just made her feel sick. Though, judging by the literal stacks of plates Nebuya had gone through at the diner, he probably thought differently. “I generally don’t have that big of an appetite, so I promise I’m full.”

Nebuya frowned, but it wasn’t as intimidating as it could have been. “If you say so. You gotta take care of yourself. You’re one of us after all.”

“I don’t know about that.” It took Megumi a moment too long to realize she’d said the thought out loud, and she flailed her hands in a feeble defense as Nebuya stared at her. “I-I mean, I’m seriously new to this whole thing. And I don’t know a lot about our team strategies. And I’m just really doing grunt work and learning names. I’m nothing like Higuchi-senpai or the rest of you, so I can’t really contribute much—”

“Nah,” Nebuya said in a deep drawl. “You’re more like us than you think.” He grinned, a completely different expression from Hayama’s easy laugh or Akashi’s cold smile, but no less the expression of a predator. Only feeling more distant, Megumi blankly looked at Nebuya as her brain failed to produce any sort of response. “I mean, you wanna win, don’t you?”

“…Isn’t it normal to not want to lose?”

Nebuya waved off her answer with one of his massive hands. “That’s not what I mean. Nobody wants to lose. But a totally different group of people want nothing else than to _win_.” He pointed at her. “You’re definitely one of us. I can feel it.”

Megumi had no idea how he had reached that conclusion; she’d always lost out, especially once her siblings decided to turn her into their punching bag. If they played a game together, she was expected to lose, since she was younger. Being the winner, being the person in first place wasn’t something she was allowed to do.

_But it’s not like you liked it. You hated it. Not just because the punishment was unfair, but because you were better than that, you wanted to—_

Megumi bit her lip, pushing the memories back. She couldn’t have a fresh episode again, with so little time between them. She didn’t think she could take it.

“Well,” Nebuya said, dropping his hand, “if you don’t get it, you’ll start to feel it soon enough. Especially since Akashi wants you to do more on the first-string side of things now.” He clapped Megumi on the shoulder one more time before stuffing his hand into his pocket. “It’ll be nice workin’ with you.”

The slightly informal version of the phrase triggered Megumi’s own, “I’m looking forward to working with you,” in response. Thankfully the next announcement to come over the speakers was the one for her station, and she stood up, clutching to the handle of her bag for some form of support, trying not to sway as the train slowed down. “This is my stop, Senpai. Excuse me.”

“You gettin’ off here?” Even with his large size, Nebuya deftly moved to let Megumi head towards the door. “Mine’s not ‘til a bit further down the line, but I can walk you to your place if you want.”

“No, thanks, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at our next practice.” Leaving one more bow in her wake, Megumi slipped off the train before Nebuya could get a word in edgewise. There was just enough of the crowd for her to get lost in, and she made it home without any further incident, a heavy sigh escaping her lips as she shut the door behind her.

Exams may have been done, but it seemed the pressure wasn’t going away anytime soon.


	18. 18—Gymnasium IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer vacation is here, baby.

**Reliability**

By: Aviantei

18—Gymnasium IV

* * *

_The sunshine shimmers through the world_

* * *

With exams over and a few scant weeks left until summer vacation, life cycled back into its routine. Classes picked back up with zero remorse, the Rakuzan Boys Basketball Club continued its tri-weekly practices with renewed focus on assessments for their upcoming training camp, and Choukou and Kenta asked for hangouts after school every now and then, heading to cafes for a treat or visiting a local park that had a fabulous view of the sky above.

Their exam results came out soon after, and Megumi found that she’d managed to keep within the top twenty-four for her year—which was enough to maintain her place in Class-A, as well as her scholarship. She’d even managed to score a bit higher than she’d expected with her unexpected break from classes, falling just short of making it into the top fifteen.

Akashi, to no surprise whatsoever, had achieved first place with a near perfect score.

Finalizing the paperwork for the summer training camp took precedence soon after, and Megumi took as much of the work of organizing everyone’s permission slips as she could muster. Higuchi, seeking a bit of a breather before heading out to cram school, let her handle it, and Megumi had confirmed that all over one-hundred members of the club had turned in their forms, as well as organized them into alphabetical order before passing the batch off to Shirogane.

The time counting down to summer seemed to pass in a rapid but still pleasant blur. Megumi had almost forgotten how good and stabilizing a routine could feel, the way it made it easy to know where to go and when to rest. Wrapped up in the warm air of the growing summer, the final day of classes came, bringing the last club meeting before the training camp with it.

* * *

Once more, the entirely of the Boys Basketball Club had assembled in the first stringer’s gymnasium, and Megumi still felt struck by how the normally rowdy and active members could all hold a complete and total silence, waiting for Shirogane to address them. Megumi herself was in her usual position in the front row, seated beside Higuchi. When she glanced over to the starting lineup, she forced herself to focus until she found Mayuzumi’s still indistinct but _there_ form at the end of the line. Hayama noticed her stare and flashed her a short wave, grinning as always.

“As you all know,” Shirogane said, his voice snapping the room to rapt attention, “we will be on summer break starting tomorrow. While we will take the next week off from practice, afterwards we’ll be heading out for your training camp. Even so, don’t slack off on your regular physical activity in this time. I expect you to be in the same shape you are now whenever we reconvene here next Monday. Understood.”

“_Yes, sir!_”

The sound of over one-hundred voices answering in perfect unison still made Megumi jump, but she managed to stop herself from leaping out of her skin entirely. Higuchi gave her a half-amused, half-concerned look, and she had to resist the urge to stick out her tongue in retaliation. _I’m not going to break from a little bit of noise, thanks._

“With that in mind, I expect you all to report here on Monday in two weeks. If you have issues, you’re responsible for contacting myself or Higuchi to make arrangements.” The same call of affirmation echoed off the walls, and Megumi took note that she’d likely be responsible for that duty when the next year came around. “Akashi, do you have anything you want to say?”

“Of course.” Though she’d seen it so many times, Megumi still felt awed by the ease of how Akashi could rise to the occasion, could stand in front of a crowd without having to rehearse his lines. “As Coach has said, being part of this team means staying in shape, even though we have already proven ourselves to be at the top once more. If you can’t understand even that much, then you won’t have any hope at standing on the court in an official match. This training camp will be the time to prove yourselves. And know,” he said, narrowing his eyes until they were nothing but slits of gold and red, “that I won’t tolerate anything less than your best effort.”

It wasn’t just Megumi that shuddered at those words. Even Higuchi beside her stiffened, and Megumi thought she heard a few people gulp behind her. It was a small comfort that she wasn’t the only one that Akashi affected that way—though from what she could tell none of the Crownless Generals seemed too intimidated. Nebuya and Hayama had enthusiastic grins on their faces, and even Mibuchi’s lips had curved up in a small smile.

Too late Megumi realized that Akashi was looking at her, as if assessing her reaction. Some sort of test of her resolve? It took her a moment longer than she would have liked to steel herself, but Megumi schooled her face into a determined expression and didn’t flinch away. _I don’t intend on backing down just yet, Akashi-kun._

At least, for the moment, Megumi felt like she was reliable enough for that.

* * *

“Me-chan, _GET_!”

Without any consideration for the rest of the team leaving the gymnasium, Choukou had captured Megumi in a hug, almost toppling her off balance. Higuchi, who had been walking with Megumi, coughed, and Choukou stuck out her tongue. Looking unsure of what to say, Higuchi met eyes with Megumi. “I’ll see you next week for the training camp, then, Kaizuto-san?”

“Yes, I’ll see you then, Senpai.” Taking that as permission enough, Higuchi went on ahead, tossing a wave over his shoulder as he went. Megumi returned the gesture, then gave Choukou a bemused smile. “You didn’t have to come and pick me up, Choukou-san. I would have been fine meeting up with you where we said we would.”

“I know, but I got all excited, and I couldn’t wait so I came and got you!” Megumi didn’t need Choukou to say it to understand her enthusiasm—Choukou had a wider grin than usual on her face, plus she was near bouncing in place. “I’ve been thinking about this all week. Plus I only get you for so long before you disappear on your training camp, so gotta get as much Me-chan quality time in as I can before then!”

As if it were contagious, Megumi found herself easing into Choukou’s energy. “I don’t know if I’m all that exciting of a house guest, but I’ll at least try not to be a bother while I’m there.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re not boring at all, Me-chan. Besides, I get to give you your first sleepover, ever, so I pulled out all the stops. We have loads of snacks, plus I picked out all these movies, and if you wanna we can do each other’s hair or just play cards—whatever you want!”

Though Choukou had already said as much several times throughout the week, but thinking about it still made Megumi smile. Half because of her APD, the other half because she’d had a hard time making friends, Megumi had never been over to someone else’s place, nor had she wanted to risk bringing someone over. It was scary to think about, but also exciting.

_It’s a little scary, but if I’m going to be spending a whole week out at the training camp, I need to at least get used to this much. Plus, Choukou-san’s understanding. It’ll be fine._

“Alright, if we’re ready to roll,” Choukou said, taking Megumi’s hand and holding it up towards the bright and blue sky above, “let’s get ready for the best sleepover, ever!”

* * *

Megumi hadn’t really had a set idea in her mind as to what Choukou’s room would look like, but it didn’t surprise her in the slightest. Choukou had painted the walls a bright pink and, aside from the bed, most of the floor had comfortable cushions, including a dolphin that looked almost the size of a beanbag. Other, smaller stuffed animals littered the bed and top of the dresser. She did have a small desk tucked into the corner, but the scattered papers and upturned pencil cup indicated that it probably didn’t get much regular use. On a mini entertainment center sat a TV, along with a few magazines stacked on the lower shelf.

“Make yourself at home,” Choukou half-sang, pushing Megumi further inside. “My place is your place for the next few days, so you can use anything you like. Mom’s gonna make dinner, but I have some pocky and stuff. You want any? Want something to drink?”

“Oh, no, I’m—” Recognizing the pouty look on Choukou’s face, Megumi cleared her throat and changed course. “I’ll have whatever you’re having. Maybe some snacks?” That was enough to appease Choukou, who zipped out of the room en route to the kitchen. Trying not to feel too awkward, Megumi put her bag down near the door and paced a bit, getting used to the feel of the carpet.

_Sheesh, just act like normal! This is supposed to be fun. _With a sigh, Megumi plopped down onto the nearest cushion she could find and tugged her bag closer, her usual habit after getting home kicking in as she pulled out one of her summer assignments. She had started to put down the beginnings of a few math problems when Choukou came back, toting a tray that had a few cups and several boxes of candy stacked on it.

“Oh, come on, Me-chan, you gotta be kidding me,” Choukou said with half a whine slipping into her voice. Megumi blinked, looking up to find a pout on her friend’s face. Choukou sighed. “It’s summer break; you can’t just start on your homework first thing.”

Megumi tilted her head. “But if I wait too long to start, it’ll be harder to finish it up on time. Especially since I have to go to the training camp next week…” She’d never gone on such an extended trip aside from a few for school, and even then she’d stayed home from a lot of them. She wasn’t quite sure how the time management would play out with such a large commitment involved. “I mean, sure, there’s still _time _over the summer, but it stresses me out to leave things be for that long…”

Choukou grimaced in the same way she did whenever Kenta called her out on something. “Okay, yes, fair point. But we just got home. You gotta give yourself a break from everything, especially since you were working hard at practice.” Megumi glanced back to her homework; for her, getting everything she could out of the way first thing was the norm, a distraction of routine. “Look, I promise we’ll work on stuff later, but I’m declaring snack time. Can you get that table over there?”

Looking around a bit, Megumi found a low snack table propped up against the dresser, and she relinquished her homework to pull it out and set it down in front of where Choukou had stood as a marker. The tray came down, a couple of packages spilling off the edges at the end of their balancing act. Steam indicated tea, though it was a much darker color than what Yamada-sensei served in the counseling office.

“Take note, Me-chan,” Choukou said, lifting a finger into the air, “summer means vacation and relaxation more than ever. While I totally admire your determination to get things done, I’m here to help you unwind as part of the holiday—not to mention that sleepovers are supposed to be fun! So if you want, we can work on class stuff and whatever tomorrow. Tonight we’re gonna celebrate our amazing friendship. And the very first step to doing that is indulging in snacks!”

Megumi stifled her giggle in her hand, but found her eyes drawn to a package of apple-flavored gummies anyways. “Whatever you say, Choukou-san.”

“And about that!” Choukou pulled open the top of a pack of chips in time with her last syllable. “We’ve known each other for a couple of months now, you know. I’ve been calling you Me-chan, ‘cause that’s my thing, but I get the feeling that you’ve only been calling me by my given name so it’s not as confusing talking to me and Kenta at the same time.” Megumi popped a candy into her mouth and averted her eyes. “I knew it! Well, I mean, I’m not upset or anything, but you don’t gotta do that; you can use a nickname, too, or even drop the ‘-san’ altogether. At least call me ‘-chan,’ kay?”

Not finished chewing through her candy all the way, Megumi swallowed sooner than she meant to. It wasn’t an _out there_ request, per se, and especially not as Choukou was making it, but Megumi still hadn’t expected it. She’d never been close enough with someone to…

Megumi dropped her head a bit, feeling her insides start to squirm a bit at the thought, her brain going wild with negative possibilities. Forcing them down to even a whisper was difficult, but she pushed on so the train of thought stumbled out of her lips rather than wreaking unchecked havoc in her skull. “I’ve never…given someone else a nickname before.”

“That’s okay,” Choukou said without hesitation. “I don’t care if it’s a crappy nickname; so long as you give it to me, that’s what matters.” Megumi looked up, and Choukou’s smile was oddly more serene than usual, but no less genuine. “I think our names say a lot about us already, because they’re something our parents gave us. But when someone else picks out a special name for you, it’s kind of like they’re creating a new way of acknowledging everything that you mean to them.” She let out a chuckle, shrugging. “Maybe it’s kind of lame for me to badger someone else for a nickname, but I’d like to hear the name you come up with for me, Me-chan.”

Megumi crumbled the empty gummy wrapper between her fingers. “It’s…probably not going to be a very good nickname.”

“Nah, any nickname Me-chan gives me is gonna be perfect, ‘cause it’s from you.” Choukou pushed a stick of pocky into the side of her mouth. “You really don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought I’d tell you it’s okay if you’re a bit more familiar with me.”

To Megumi, being on a first name basis with someone was already familiar enough—almost _too_ familiar, and though she didn’t mind that Choukou used a nickname for her, doing the same in return seemed almost overwhelming. While her instinct wasn’t going haywire enough to tell her to leave the room, part of Megumi desperately wished to change the subject.

_But _I _don’t want that. It’s what my mind thinks it wants, but it’s wrong._

“Choukou…chan,” she managed, unused to the syllables rolling off her tongue. Though it was such a little change, it felt so hard. Though it was such a little change, Choukou’s smile was brighter than Megumi had ever seen it, and she had to duck her head in embarrassment. “I don’t think…I can come up with something right away, but I’ll try to think of one. So does calling you Choukou-chan work for now?”

“Heck yeah, it works!” Choukou pumped her fists in excitement. “And no worries if it takes you a bit to get used to callin’ me that. I’m pretty patient when I need to be.” Megumi had the feeling that, if Kenta had heard that assessment, he would protest. “Now with that out of the way, it is time for snacks and chatting. Oh, you should try some of this tea; Papa picked it out and it’s super good—”

Choukou continued talking, and Megumi listened while doing as instructed. The tea had cooled a bit, with less steam wisping from the top, but she could still feel the warmth through the ceramic. She took a sip, the rich taste slipping over her tongue and down her throat.

_It’s super sweet._

* * *

Though the next few days were busy, Megumi didn’t end up feeling exhausted at all.

Choukou had indeed planned almost everything, but she had all sorts of options so that Megumi could at least do something she enjoyed, and she’d even slipped some homework in there as well. Choukou also wasn’t opposed to amusing herself whenever Megumi needed a breather, and the few days of sleepover/camping out at Choukou’s ended up feeling refreshing in a way that Megumi didn’t know was possible for her as she finished packing up her bag and headed for the door.

“You sure you don’t want me to walk home with you, Me-chan?” Choukou asked, pulling Megumi into a farewell hug.

“No, I’ll be okay. I want at least a little time to myself before I have to go be with the team for the week.” Even if Megumi didn’t feel exhausted yet, she knew well enough not to dive into constantly being around large groups of people without taking a breath first. She did return Choukou’s hug first before pulling away. “Thanks for having me over, Choukou-chan. We’ll see each other before we go back to school, okay?”

“Sounds good!” Choukou gave her another pat on the back before waving. “Text me if you need me, Me-chan! I’ll come to your camp and fight anyone that causes you trouble!”

Smiling to herself, Megumi took train home without any troubles. She did need to take care of laundry, but Choukou’s parents had sent along some leftovers so she wouldn’t have to worry about picking up groceries to have dinner. Aside from cleaning and packing, she could maybe do a bit extra of her summer homework and make sure all her club files were in order.

All thought whatsoever ground to a halt as she approached her apartment door, and the key slipped straight out of her fingers.

A tall boy with a bit of bulk in his muscles, curly dark brown hair, and sun-kissed skin stood there waiting, a large duffel bag hung over his shoulders. He turned with a smile that held just enough cruelty to make Megumi tremble as he raised a hand in greeting.

“Hey there, Megu-chan.”

“…Nii-san.”


End file.
